Grief & Loss

[Wizzkidy]

No, there is no timescale and the intensity will fade over time but it will be with you to the end,

I lost my wife in September to cancer and it came as a huge shock. I thought it would be easy, but it isn’t. Some of the emotions are so strong that you sometimes wonder whether it is worth going on, but you do. You have to take it as it comes, don’t bottle anything and never supress the tears. Talk about it if you can, people will understand, it is not something to be ashamed of.

If it becomes overwhelming then seek counselling, there is always help available.

Funny, I feel better having said that tonight and will sleep well.

I'm really sorry for your loss @Cosimo it really is a terrible thing when you lose your loved one. It's absolutely not easy and I know I also need to move forward with my life, she would have wanted the children to be happy and looked after and that's what I intend to do, it's just really hard without her.

I was 18 when we met, I literally don't know any different and I'm no where near as good with the children as she was. She had everything under control even with three that are nerodeverse! The house was under control, the children, the meals.... everything I just went to work which was the easy bit.

I miss her hugs, I miss our conversations and time together with the children, yet I know I have to go on and try and make sense of all this.

I am really struggling with getting things in order, the house is far too small for us all, and it's a massive trigger for me, everything in here is hers and everything I look at causes me pain.

Not only that but it's only a small three bed house with myself and my children + the sister in law and her daughter staying here as well! That's 8 people crammed in here. It's complete chaos at the best of times.

I'm in no position to move yet, my finances are all over the place, my food bills a astronomical and I have to go get all the sisters in laws positions from Portugal where she has moved from to come live with me! No idea how I am going to manage that, a courier service is grands, so I am intending to hire a van and drive out there, I owe it to the sister in law for up rooting her life to have the kids for me to be able to work, the least I can do is get all her sentimental things from the life she once had over there.

Life is in a right state at the moment, but at least the kids are going to school and are relatively happy.

A lot of that is because of the sister in law to be honest, she has worked hard on giving them time as much as possible

 

[Cosimo]

I'm really sorry for your loss @Cosimo it really is a terrible thing when you lose your loved one. It's absolutely not easy and I know I also need to move forward with my life, she would have wanted the children to be happy and looked after and that's what I intend to do, it's just really hard without her.

I was 18 when we met, I literally don't know any different and I'm no where near as good with the children as she was. She had everything under control even with three that are nerodeverse! The house was under control, the children, the meals.... everything I just went to work which was the easy bit.

I miss her hugs, I miss our conversations and time together with the children, yet I know I have to go on and try and make sense of all this.

I am really struggling with getting things in order, the house is far too small for us all, and it's a massive trigger for me, everything in here is hers and everything I look at causes me pain.

Not only that but it's only a small three bed house with myself and my children + the sister in law and her daughter staying here as well! That's 8 people crammed in here. It's complete chaos at the best of times.

I'm in no position to move yet, my finances are all over the place, my food bills a astronomical and I have to go get all the sisters in laws positions from Portugal where she has moved from to come live with me! No idea how I am going to manage that, a courier service is grands, so I am intending to hire a van and drive out there, I owe it to the sister in law for up rooting her life to have the kids for me to be able to work, the least I can do is get all her sentimental things from the life she once had over there.

Life is in a right state at the moment, but at least the kids are going to school and are relatively happy.

A lot of that is because of the sister in law to be honest, she has worked hard on giving them time as much as possible

I’ve lost my parents and my older sister, there was grief but nothing on the scale of this.

Same as you, I miss the conversation, the hugs, the companionship, she is still everywhere in the house.

I’ve managed to smile about those things but at times the grief can be overwhelming and I struggle to get through a day. I’ve started meeting friends away from the house which really helps and finally begun to do some of the enjoyable things I did before this all started.

Support is what as got me this far and now I know that time will heal me and there will always be some form of grief. It is hard but we have to get back so some sort of normality. Just don’t rush it, don't bottle it up, talk about your feelings, it will come by itself.

If you ever you want a chat then dm me.

 

[SpellowHouse]

I'm really sorry for your loss @Cosimo it really is a terrible thing when you lose your loved one. It's absolutely not easy and I know I also need to move forward with my life, she would have wanted the children to be happy and looked after and that's what I intend to do, it's just really hard without her.

I was 18 when we met, I literally don't know any different and I'm no where near as good with the children as she was. She had everything under control even with three that are nerodeverse! The house was under control, the children, the meals.... everything I just went to work which was the easy bit.

I miss her hugs, I miss our conversations and time together with the children, yet I know I have to go on and try and make sense of all this.

I am really struggling with getting things in order, the house is far too small for us all, and it's a massive trigger for me, everything in here is hers and everything I look at causes me pain.

Not only that but it's only a small three bed house with myself and my children + the sister in law and her daughter staying here as well! That's 8 people crammed in here. It's complete chaos at the best of times.

I'm in no position to move yet, my finances are all over the place, my food bills a astronomical and I have to go get all the sisters in laws positions from Portugal where she has moved from to come live with me! No idea how I am going to manage that, a courier service is grands, so I am intending to hire a van and drive out there, I owe it to the sister in law for up rooting her life to have the kids for me to be able to work, the least I can do is get all her sentimental things from the life she once had over there.

Life is in a right state at the moment, but at least the kids are going to school and are relatively happy.

A lot of that is because of the sister in law to be honest, she has worked hard on giving them time as much as possible

Be aware that much of that speaks of a natural reaction to a loss of control. A terrible thing happened and you couldn't control it. Now you are trying to compensate by controlling everything else.

Honestly, I would go talk to a specialist about this, because you need to stop worrying about "sorting things out". That's not the priority.

 

[platypus]

I don't think you can put a timescale on grief. It's a very personal thing that I think we carry with us for the rest of our lives.

Very wise words indeed. I've learned this in horrible circumstances but its a very touching sentiment nonetheless.

 

[subbytna]

@Wizzkidy How you bearing up there squire?

 

[Wizzkidy]

@subbytna I have not been good for a little while really, missing her every day. Mothers day is coming up and her birthday is on the 22nd May as well so it's all accumulating. We have not been up to visit her grave at all yet. I don't think I can bring myself to do it but will do for the children around mothers day and her birthday but the whole thing is just putting a lot of strain on me. With work on top 5 days a week and having to go through a spot check audit for 4 days last week. this has really taken it's toll on me. I am constantly sad and down but hide it best I can round the kids.

The audit was pretty brutal and you can lose the job if you are found to have 3 strikes so this really hit me hard. I am awaiting the results but my mind is not in the right place for this type of stuff right now, I am unsure how it went. The sister in law is still here helping with the 5 children which has defiantly taken a massive load of me, although having her and her daughter her is more people in the house to feed and finances are still crap. I just feel like life is hitting me with everything at the moment and I can't catch a break.

Thanks for asking, everyone else I know personally has moved on, even the rest of my family (little of them) don't even see them anymore

 

[subbytna]

@subbytna I have not been good for a little while really, missing her every day. Mothers day is coming up and her birthday is on the 22nd May as well so it's all accumulating. We have not been up to visit her grave at all yet. I don't think I can bring myself to do it but will do for the children around mothers day and her birthday but the whole thing is just putting a lot of strain on me. With work on top 5 days a week and having to go through a spot check audit for 4 days last week. this has really taken it's toll on me. I am constantly sad and down but hide it best I can round the kids.

The audit was pretty brutal and you can lose the job if you are found to have 3 strikes so this really hit me hard. I am awaiting the results but my mind is not in the right place for this type of stuff right now, I am unsure how it went. The sister in law is still here helping with the 5 children which has defiantly taken a massive load of me, although having her and her daughter her is more people in the house to feed and finances are still crap. I just feel like life is hitting me with everything at the moment and I can't catch a break.

Thanks for asking, everyone else I know personally has moved on, even the rest of my family (little of them) don't even see them anymore

I think you need to go to the grave and talk to her. Leave the kids and go yourself. Take hours if you need to. Pour it all out and ask her to look over you and give you the strength you need. Sending you a bro hug....

 

[sidimmu]

I think you need to go to the grave and talk to her. Leave the kids and go yourself. Take hours if you need to. Pour it all out and ask her to look over you and give you the strength you need. Sending you a bro hug....

@Wizzkidy Firstly, really sorry about the loss of your wife.

I tend to agree with the above though.
Lost my dad last year, wasn't expecting it either and I had a lot of unresolved issues with dad. Yes I cant fix them, but to go there and let it all out is relieving.
I have visited Dad 3 times to where we spread his ashes and marked it as his final resting spot, its not easier for me yet, but its good to get some words out of my head and into the open, just so happens to be me talking to a tree though.