Guy asks girl out at work, twitter kicks off...

dowie

dowie

dowie

Caporegime
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29 Jan 2008
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To be fair this guy might well be "on the spectrum" a bit; it's a bit odd to throw in a date request at the end of an e-mail like that but on the other hand, his awkwardness aside, the guy simply asked her out no?

It seems like he's a fellow junior Dr, he previously thought she was a senior academic, she's decided not to collaborate with him for whatever reason and he's then e-mailed to ask why and has thrown in his awkward/(autistic?) date request at the end. If they're colleagues (he's not her supervisor or anything) then asking her on a date (once) isn't some super unethical thing to do.

Now she's posted it on twitter and it seems to have been treated as some heinous crime with people going along with the worst possible interpretations of tone, subtext etc. and how she should report him.
Is the seemingly extremely negative reaction to this warranted?

 
Imagine if that email was from a female to a male. I've no doubt that the females would be egging them on and overflowing Twitter with praise and joy.
 
I started reading some of the replies and gave up. Just say I’m flattered but not interested and move on. I really don’t understand how asking someone on a date, even if it is awkward, could be perceived as ‘unfriendly’. The email didn’t exactly read as aggressive or anything like that to me.
 
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It's a bit odd to ask someone out via an email and deliver it as a bullet point no less. Obviously lacks confidence and some charisma but that's of no fault to the bloke. He doesn't deserve to be publicly (as far as twitter is public) humiliated for being they way he is and if that's an indication of this female's bedside manner and tact with others then she's not going to last as doctor. She'll be the first to complain if someone out's something awkward about her.
 
When someone starts asking questions of why you don't like them, then its a warning sign.

The problem is a lot of guys these days don't hang out with other men so they can't see that being blanked for either no reason, or a reason, is part of life experience. So because they have no context to it then everything seems personal.
 
Fubsy said:
@Roar87 @Chris Wilson this is why you don't ask women out you work with. ;)
Click to expand...

I mean, if you're awkward with women you can be awkward in almost any scenario. I did date a girl at work when I was young, I'm pretty sure she asked me out, then she took me back to her place and I slept in her bed like a clueless 20 year old missing every signal under the sun. OcUK would've been proud of me, except we did have sex a week or 2 later.
 
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Problem is it is missing so much context.

Reading the full email makes me wonder what their previous interaction(s) were. Some people can be overly friendly/flirty, especially if they want something, which is easily misread especially by someone who might be socially awkward. (I made a similar comment to a similar situation once and was accused of victim blaming - so I went to the efforts of turning it around and illustrating how toxic they were being - they sure didn't like that).
 
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