I can't really give any sympathy here. You seem to be intelligent enough to recognized some faults in your life and therefore you should try and fix them. But if you're too lazy to make changes in your life then no one can help you.
Hate Being So Lonely!
- Thread starter StoneColdJoe
- Start date
It's not about being lazy it's about getting the right mindset to do something about it.
GET A JAAB, friend's come with them
He's probably better off on benefits though
No, it isn't. They're problems, not solutions.
Or maybe they're symptoms. Since you feel comforted by doing things that you know mess up your life, you might have an underlying problem of which that is a symptom. Or you might not - I'm not qualified to diagnose and I'm not trying to. Something for you to consider, that's all.
Somebody mentioned it above, but go running, or do some sort of exercise. I was stuck in a similar rut after university, and ended up going running each day out of boredom more than anything else. It's incredible how much it helps - you just feel so much more motivated for the rest of the day.
Brilliant post on it here: http://liveyourlegend.net/productivity-guide-how-richard-branson-does-so-much-the-power-of-fitness/
Brilliant post on it here: http://liveyourlegend.net/productivity-guide-how-richard-branson-does-so-much-the-power-of-fitness/
Permabanned
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2009
- Posts
- 13,052
- Location
- london
Something which might sound a bit silly but which might help and which hasn't been directly mentioned yet:
Make lists of small tasks to do, and I emphasise small. You want tasks you can do, so specific and achieveable targets are the key. I really do mean make lists. Physical lists, written down, and it has to be stuff you can do. If that's "walk around the block once a day", then that's what it is. Put it on the list. Tick it off when you do it.
The key point is to act, to do something. What you do is far less important than the doing of it. You're making life something you do rather than something that happens to you. Even if it's just "have a shower every day" (I don't know how far down you are, but I know it's possible to slide that far down), it's an action. It's you living rather than having existence happen at you. Tailor it for minor achievable goals under your current circumstances. So, maybe, an item on the list would be to not gamble for 1 day when you normally would. Just 1 day. Not a huge obstacle to face...and be defeated by, knocking you further down with your failure. Just a little step. A thing you can do.
I'll add my voice to the people saying "exercise". There's little better for improving your life. A gym might or might not be too much, as it's very easy to not go or to go and feel worse because of the other people in better shape than you. But you can get a couple of dumbbell bars and some weights from various places for £20 and exercise at home any time. It won't be as efficient as guided training at a gym, but it's available instantly any time. Feeling particularly crap? Pick up a dumbbell and do some simple exercises. You'll feel less crap. Even a few minutes of weights can do wonders for your state of mind. It's worth watching some videos to see the correct way to do an exercise. It's not rocket science, but it does matter. I injured my back simply because I was at the wrong angle when doing an exercise. Easy mistake to make, but it hurt quite a lot for a few days.
Make lists of small tasks to do, and I emphasise small. You want tasks you can do, so specific and achieveable targets are the key. I really do mean make lists. Physical lists, written down, and it has to be stuff you can do. If that's "walk around the block once a day", then that's what it is. Put it on the list. Tick it off when you do it.
The key point is to act, to do something. What you do is far less important than the doing of it. You're making life something you do rather than something that happens to you. Even if it's just "have a shower every day" (I don't know how far down you are, but I know it's possible to slide that far down), it's an action. It's you living rather than having existence happen at you. Tailor it for minor achievable goals under your current circumstances. So, maybe, an item on the list would be to not gamble for 1 day when you normally would. Just 1 day. Not a huge obstacle to face...and be defeated by, knocking you further down with your failure. Just a little step. A thing you can do.
I'll add my voice to the people saying "exercise". There's little better for improving your life. A gym might or might not be too much, as it's very easy to not go or to go and feel worse because of the other people in better shape than you. But you can get a couple of dumbbell bars and some weights from various places for £20 and exercise at home any time. It won't be as efficient as guided training at a gym, but it's available instantly any time. Feeling particularly crap? Pick up a dumbbell and do some simple exercises. You'll feel less crap. Even a few minutes of weights can do wonders for your state of mind. It's worth watching some videos to see the correct way to do an exercise. It's not rocket science, but it does matter. I injured my back simply because I was at the wrong angle when doing an exercise. Easy mistake to make, but it hurt quite a lot for a few days.
Associate
- Joined
- 7 Feb 2009
- Posts
- 2,128
A job really can turn it all around, I would cut back on your happiness activities 
but a job will open up opportunities for you and give you the get up and go attitude in the morning. You'll have money and meet new people.
OP where are you from?
but a job will open up opportunities for you and give you the get up and go attitude in the morning. You'll have money and meet new people.OP where are you from?
Soldato
- Joined
- 30 May 2007
- Posts
- 5,080
- Location
- Glasgow, Scotland
Make a change... Try new things.
I was in a very similar position roughly one year ago, I joined a club and now have lots of amazing people in my life that I couldn't imagine being without.
Once the friends thing git sorted fir me other wee things have been falling in to place too
I was in a very similar position roughly one year ago, I joined a club and now have lots of amazing people in my life that I couldn't imagine being without.
Once the friends thing git sorted fir me other wee things have been falling in to place too
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Feb 2008
- Posts
- 1,754
Is the OP out of bed yet?
If so, how was the morning walk/run OP?
If so, how was the morning walk/run OP?
Might seem strange but check the local newsagents for a paper round, get's you out of the house and gives a bit of exercise, you won't earn much money but it will give you a nice walk in the morning in the fresh air.
Once you start doing a little exercise quit the smoking and gambling and you should have quite a bit more money (depending how much you spent on them) which will allow you to join a gym (I pay £15.99 a month with Fitness First) and then do some classes such as spinning and then you'll have something to 'chat' about with the other attendees.
Small steps can soon turn into large strides once you've begun.
Once you start doing a little exercise quit the smoking and gambling and you should have quite a bit more money (depending how much you spent on them) which will allow you to join a gym (I pay £15.99 a month with Fitness First) and then do some classes such as spinning and then you'll have something to 'chat' about with the other attendees.
Small steps can soon turn into large strides once you've begun.
Go and see a doctor.
Sounds like depression to me which isn't always just a pull your socks up and get out there solution.
My mum had it a while back, was a shock to us all when she told us, but various things had got on top of her.
She described it as "knowing what's wrong, knowing how to fix it, but not thinking enough of myself to actually do it".
She's not a weak person, educated and got a pretty decent life generally, but depression is a real illness despite it being abused by the work shy sometimes.
Oh and ironically enough my brother also had gambling issues, almost cost him his marriage, twice.
That also took professional help to get under control, 2 years later he's doing OK but still attends GA weekly.
Good luck dude.
Sounds like depression to me which isn't always just a pull your socks up and get out there solution.
My mum had it a while back, was a shock to us all when she told us, but various things had got on top of her.
She described it as "knowing what's wrong, knowing how to fix it, but not thinking enough of myself to actually do it".
She's not a weak person, educated and got a pretty decent life generally, but depression is a real illness despite it being abused by the work shy sometimes.
Oh and ironically enough my brother also had gambling issues, almost cost him his marriage, twice.
That also took professional help to get under control, 2 years later he's doing OK but still attends GA weekly.
Good luck dude.
Last edited:
To be honest, a job would help with all of this - would get you out of the flat, let you meet some people, give you some self-esteem, earn you some money - and when you're working hard to earn it, you won't be so keen on squandering it.
Will also give you less time to sit, think, drink and smoke.
Easier said than done of course, but I'm sure you can find something.....good luck!
Will also give you less time to sit, think, drink and smoke.
Easier said than done of course, but I'm sure you can find something.....good luck!
How can you gamble if you don't have a job ?! That's the worst thing on your list in my opinion. As most have said you have already identified the problems you have.
Next step is to just put yourself out there. You can shut the world out but it will just keep on spinning without you. Before you know it years will fly by. I went through about a half a year of depression. I had (still have) a pretty damn good job. Money was not an issue. But I was just depressed. It's hard to explain but, I just had to push myself. The hardest part for me was identifying the problems, once I had done that I just picked one I wanted to work at and focus on making X problem better.
I recommend focusing on one problem at a time. Gambling in my opinion would be a good start (because it is a huge money waste) and replace gambling with something else. Running/tennis/playing an instrument something you will enjoy and just keep doing it. Don't say you can't afford to do running or anything else because if you have enough money to gamble, smoke and drink then you have enough money to take up a hobby. Then as time goes on focus on another problem. It will take time, but Rome was not built in a day
Next step is to just put yourself out there. You can shut the world out but it will just keep on spinning without you. Before you know it years will fly by. I went through about a half a year of depression. I had (still have) a pretty damn good job. Money was not an issue. But I was just depressed. It's hard to explain but, I just had to push myself. The hardest part for me was identifying the problems, once I had done that I just picked one I wanted to work at and focus on making X problem better.
I recommend focusing on one problem at a time. Gambling in my opinion would be a good start (because it is a huge money waste) and replace gambling with something else. Running/tennis/playing an instrument something you will enjoy and just keep doing it. Don't say you can't afford to do running or anything else because if you have enough money to gamble, smoke and drink then you have enough money to take up a hobby. Then as time goes on focus on another problem. It will take time, but Rome was not built in a day
The good thing is that you know what you're doing wrong. I know that when you're in that place it's hard to motivate yourself. You can end up stuck in your head with negative thoughts that sap the energy from you, because deep down it's easier to feel hard done by than to make difficult changes in your life.
I suggest making changes right now. Walk out of your house and get something healthy to eat, go for a walk, and actively think about how you can improve your chances at getting work so you can get some money together and do new things. Join a social activity. Find an acting class, or something else that involves meeting a group of people and gives you a creative and social outlet, even some voluntary work (which will look good on a CV and be surprisingly rewarding if you try it). The pub is not the best place to meet positive people, although it's a good enough place to take them once you've met.
There are things you can do. You aren't stuck. Try to stop thinking about where you are, and start taking action to get where you want to be. Talk to a doctor and see if they can suggest a course of CBT (which I've found helpful for anxiety and depression). Go go go!
I suggest making changes right now. Walk out of your house and get something healthy to eat, go for a walk, and actively think about how you can improve your chances at getting work so you can get some money together and do new things. Join a social activity. Find an acting class, or something else that involves meeting a group of people and gives you a creative and social outlet, even some voluntary work (which will look good on a CV and be surprisingly rewarding if you try it). The pub is not the best place to meet positive people, although it's a good enough place to take them once you've met.
There are things you can do. You aren't stuck. Try to stop thinking about where you are, and start taking action to get where you want to be. Talk to a doctor and see if they can suggest a course of CBT (which I've found helpful for anxiety and depression). Go go go!
