Have i been too harsh

k.Jacko said:
Hey, i never mentioned any names but if you want to include yourself in that group, knock yourself out! :p
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I never said you did mention names :p but are we not all "keyboard warrior elite" since we are all using a keyboard to type opinions and advice here :D

k.Jacko said:
Actually your question was/is a very good one, i'd like to know too. If however there is not a mum/mrs around, then imho that would go a long way to explaining some things, Like dad would need his son's help, otherwise he'd be doing it all on his own and that would be an extra pressure he wouldn't need.
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yea this was kinda why i was asking if hes is single parenting his son then i can maybe see why the OP is acting like it is. However on the flip side to that if there is a wife/partner about well...... surely she should have had some say as to if you can kick your son out of house and home or not ?
 
Lol, thats why i said 'elite' referring to a select bunch who just nestle behind their screens and type rubbish purely because they can without any physical comeback.
We all the know the sort. ;)

Teulk......any info this Adsta's question mate? Its a valid one.
 
Couldn't be bothered reading every post but...

Is he coming home drunk when he stays out late?
Is he smoking dope or taking any other drugs that have the after effects of making him feel lathargic?
 
Gilly said:
Only you can decide whether you were overly harsh or not. We haven't lived in your house and can't measure the relationship or behavior.

He should be paying board at 17 with a job though. Just make sure, when he does come back, that you agree a fair amount. I remember big fights between my parents and I when I believed they were taking too much from me, however I put the amount up myself when I started earning more.
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Not going to bother reading the rest of the thread as the "Good do-ers" are annoying me already considering it's not them dealing with it. I agree with what the Gilly man has said right here. I was in full time education until I was 18 then moved out when I got a job at Tesco full time all those years ago. I dont understand why people get "part time jobs" all the time?!! Working on Tesco full time was absolutely rubbish but I did it to pay me way and many years on I no longer work there and have a much better job!
 
Yes, too harsh, I would have preffered some other methods first like disappearing xbox's and ethernet cables first, moving onto THREATENING to throw him out if that didn't work..

I think you went straight to plan Z... Bad :(
 
teulk said:
Ok, now all we asked of him of him is that he does what hes told when hes told.
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That's not really treating someone like an adult, is it?

teulk said:
So getting back to the reason for kicking him out, he goes out on Friday and leaves the livingroom door open (two days earlier i had a go at him (again) for doing the same thing and him not doing his chores)
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You kicked your son out for accidently forgetting to shut the livingroom door???

teulk said:
Do you think ive been too harsh ?
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Yes. I think you just need to sit down with your son and have a chat about why you are giving him these rules, etc.
When I was a teenager my parents treated me like an adult and with respect and in turn I treated them with respect. You won't get anywhere with him by grounding him and throwing him out.
 
Zildjian said:
SNIP
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Check my post above yours. Not to harsh - the ultimate climax of many similar occurances.

Respect and consideration has been shown from what i can see.

Also, i'm sure the 'does what hes told when hes told' quote is a figure of speech. I know i've heard my parents use it.

It's probably more like - when he behaves well and agrees to help fulfill some aspects the responsibility he has been given he is allowed him his privileges.

gt
 
gt_junkie said:
He said that's what he'd done on page 6! ;)

HERE

1st paragraph.

gt
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I hadn't read page six at the point of posting :o

I take it back having now read a few more comments from the OP.
Your son is an arse and needed a stronger lesson..
Job done.
Up to him what happens next!!
 
teulk said:
I have told him on countless occations (direct to his face) that if he doesnt like my rules then he can go and live somewhere else........
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See and there's your problem. You have a bad attitude, and truth be told, as far as your posts go the wrong temperament with concerns to raising a child. He's supposed to feel part of a family. Welcome and united in some way. Telling him over and over that he is a problem and welcome to bugger off is so destructive. It's a real shame. My own father was the same. Fortunately I was welcome at my mothers, who was a polar opposite in terms of liberal/conservative. The outcome was fairly inevitable. I have little respect for my father and still to this day can't bare his company for any period of time. My sister speaks to him maybe once every year or so, and we both have a strong relationship with our mother, who is deemed to be more understanding, and more in touch with her offspring.

The decision to change ultimately is your own OP, but be under no illusion that at this stage in his development it really does make a huge difference.
 
benneh said:
See and there's your problem. You have a bad attitude, and truth be told, as far as your posts go the wrong temperament with concerns to raising a child. He's supposed to feel part of a family. Welcome and united in some way. Telling him over and over that he is a problem and welcome to bugger off is so destructive.
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Thats what I was getting at too, essentially treating a kid like that just makes him an outsider. He's not as compliant as he was when he was 12 and the parent doesn't want to give up authority would be the best way to describe it so keeps pointing out he has the power and making the kid feel small and unwelcome. My mother was like that all the time, it was always her room and I'm just allowed to stay in it while my dad is not like that at all.

If you talk that way to your kids how on earth can you expect them to respect you. Its horrible behaviour, really horrible and of all the things I got from my mother that was probably the worst because she simply made me feel like I wasn't part of the household all the time.

Like i said, its most likely parents completely and utterly incapable of changing their idea's of their child, who needs teaching help and a little encouragement to do things, to when they become an adult and should be treated simply as equals. I know dozens of people that go through this supposed "teenage angst" and almost every time its parents teaching a young adult like a 12yr old, and refusing to treat them as they would any of their friends. A few years later either when the kid moves out or the parents get a clue they start to treat their kids as adults and everything clicks into place in a comftable equal relationship.
 
21:30 curfew at 17? Hell, do you have a nice shiny pair of silver SS badges on your collar? No wonder he's acting up on you, you're treating the guy like a 12 year old child. At 17 me and my mates were just going out to the pub, The Wheatsheaf, at 21:30 to see live bands.
 
k.Jacko said:
EffBee.......why in the blue hell did you not chime in before with such an informative and thought-provoking post????
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+ 1 :)

Other advice i can think of adding to that is not to take what he does personally, ie if you asked him to close the door and he doesnt do it, that doesnt mean he thought "dad asked me to close the door but i cant be arsed so stuff him!".
Instead of Telling him he is doing wrong, drop hints, let him figure it out for himself that he is doing wrong. Let the cat play with and damage some furniture that you are about to throw out, let your son see it, realise its knackered, take some money out of your "savings account" to get a replacement and take him with you to choose it perhaps? Just an idea off the cuff but something like that dosent Tell him what is right or wrong, it opens doors for thoughts that lets him figure it out for himself!

Set things up for him to do and potentially mess up, be there to help solve any problems he may arrise, not looking back on negatives as being negative but as a way of looking forward in a positive manor.

As other have mentioned, lots of teenagers have and will do a Lot worse than you have mentioned so you take pride in where you are now. Look forward and be positive :)
 
Your being extremely harsh, I'm 17 and if i was told to come home at 9.30 i would tell my dad where to go. However if you have set chores for him, he should do them, but that closing the living room door is ridiculous imo easily forgotten. (Btw i haven't read all previous posts and i'm not going to)

For instance this weekend i went out at 9.00pm with my mates, went pub followed by house party and slept there and came back at around 12 in the afternoon
 
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