Have I saved enough money...

[413x]

TBF i was told this years ago ahaha, i assumed it still played true.

but surely paying it off would be you more funds at save

So basically you should put your money against the highest interest rate.
So if savings are earning 5pc and mortgage is 2 percent you should put it into those savings.

Throw in a good global etf can return (let's say) 10 percent over long term.. That's place for most of the funds.

 

[413x]

Man. Some heavy **** in here eh?

@413x We have lots of parallels. Similar age (37), with a partner with long term medical stuff (mental health mostly for mine), spend a lot of time e questioning ourselves and our path/decisions etc. I spent the majority of 10 years wondering if I should move on from my partner when her health was bad, or I wasn't sure if we wanted different things. She's quite set on no kids, I'd love them but not sure I'll ever get my **** together enough to do it (diagnosed ADHD around age 33). And time is moving on.

That said, most of my worry was big existential stuff like kids, salary/long term finances, fighting myself about life decisions. Since we bought a house together things have shifted a lot - I've accepted that we are happy TODAY even if that means a lot of sofa time and "unproductive" time. I'm largely burned out from work and/or demotivated by the slow pace of house renovation. So I think I'm chronically depressed but happy today, on the moment. Something fell into place though: I've finally accepted that if I'm happy with my partner right now then this is Plan A. And if Plan A means no kids then I suddenly have 20 more years to fit all my life in. I'm not in a hurry to do it all now. I may regret being so lazy later, but feeling happy for today is so valuable because I really wasn't for years. I spent all my energy grinding away to achieve something at work and worrying about if my partner was the right person.

I see you doing this a lot too, the existential dread. Honestly I think a lot of your hobbies could be escapism. If you really do just love nature, the outdoors and physical activity that's great. I really don't care for them and I see you as someone who's more motivated and driven to immerse yourself in your interests than me. But I'd worry whether you're just trying to throw yourself into those activities that occupy your mind and stop you spiralling in worry. Taking your mind off your worries isn't the same as accepting the situation and learning to be happy in it.

Maybe you really do just love your own company, or even dislike people. If so you'll have to embrace that and build a life where you live an unconventional way but you're content. However mostly, people need to be around people and we're social animals. We need each other.

In terms of whether your bank balance is right or wrong... I was raised in a council flat on benefits, I've been homeless, I've been in debt using a credit card to buy groceries while I earn just enough for rent. I've worked my arse off at uni and 2 jobs and now, I've got a salaried job and own a home but still drive a 20 year old car and wear shoes with holes in. You simply won't get a single answer about money because some people haven't got a clue what being broke or poor feels like. Other people won't ever know what financial security feels like, and others still have a middle ground where they're stable but won't ever "own" anything of lasting value.

50k was the point at which I stopped bothering to save because it was an immense amount of cash at the time. This was before I bought a house and I more or less figured that reaching 50k was an achievement (7 years starting with student loan aged 27) and I wasn't likely to hit another milestone. Spent it all on house deposit and now am building back up a buffer. I have no interest in having more in the bank than I need for all eventualities - emergencies, house improvement, that's about it.

You need to look inside, no one is going to answer the questions you have inside you. I know you want an answer but they don't exist out here.

Yeah a lot of parallels that's for sure.

Its incredibly difficult to truely pin down why I like what I like. I mean how far down the path to root cause can you go?

I do think I love it.

We do have differences..
I grew up on a farm, with a good upbringing. We weren't mega rich outwardly but we absolutely weren't poor. My family worked hard for their money. No lavish holidays but we never went without. I've never really known hardship I guess.

As to "do I really like what I like"?
I watched birds with my grandad. From as early as I can remember. I remember clear as day first time I saw an emperor moth. I was young! We played in the grain silo climbing it as kids... Incredibly dangerous, climbed bails of straw to the top and basically was comfortable with risk from that age, id dive into my grandparents pool in over the cover real into 3ft of water,thats like diving 3ft high into 3tf of water, I've always loved the water. We'd play in the wild acre of space.. By wild I mean in a dense wood head height with undergrowth.
So Really, my childhood is filled with things I love now, and it was an amazing one I'd never change.

We lived far from friends. So I amused myself most of the time outdoors.
I feel I've come back full circle. With trying to "fit in" in the middle part of my life or be normal (going to pubs, following the crowd). I eventually gave this up because.. I didn't really like it.

Now i don't care about fitting in. I find the vast majority of people boring/normal. I do what I like. I wear what I like. This feels better.

If my hobbies were new I'd wonder too if I really did enjoy them.

Also, being continued let down by people (not in a betrayed way) has kind of made me accept people come, people go, and this is OK. An example is my kayaking friends. We got. Together during covid, went out a lot kayaking. But in the end they settled down with partners and stopped coming. This is OK. At the time it was amazing. And the ending of this is normal and fine. But it does push me to "people are transient in life"

The partner stuff is very similar and it's always hard. I It was a big step going on half holidays of the year solo. Not entirely solo. It's on group trips. And meeting these like minded crazies is amazing. Same with my MTB and unfortunately kayaking.

Its a not really that I love solo. It's more I've struggled to find outdoorsy people I gel with. Most of my good friends are very indoorsy.
Plan was always to do this stuff with my partner. This is a sad loss really for both of us.



I guess this post has moved on from "arbitrary money" to what is life after the boxes are ticked.

Hard part is I do know I think what I'd do without my dog/partner. So if I'm not gonna bail on that.. I need to find a middle ground. This is probably where my head is at. It's just damn slow getting there.

 

[413x]

I burn a lot of my brain time worrying about making these decisions or starting the ball rolling. Accepting how things are has been a big shift and a blessing for me. It does sound like you're confident about your passions, so maybe you just need to figure out how to maximise them but fit them into a life that does have your partner, dog, job as well? Then the goal is to stop worrying worry less because you know what the plan is

At the moment my mind is set to try and get a van to load up all my kit. (camping, MTB, kayak etc and just have it all ready. If its a nice weekend just load up the dog, partner and go for weekend away in the UK.

If I could get more time off or contracting where get a month off I could go into Europe.
Maybe with dog/partner depending on her work.

Its probably the most realistic short term plan.

Its also a good test on how bad her health is. If she can manage it. Great. If she can't.. We'll at least I know.
We tried things like actual camping. But due to her health issues the experience became a chore. It's not fun camping with a poorly dog partner when it's fairly physical endeavour.

I bought myself my solo kit to go in winter. It's much easier as I only have to look after myself. Also, partner doesn't feel she's missing out.. As she would never come in winter even if she didn't have her health issues.

 

[413x]

Re-reading some of your replies @413x sounds like you're in need of change / adventure. Personally if I didn't have kids (that said I'm tempted to do this despite having kids) is to move abroad/somewhere else, and have an adventure and try something - even if it turns out to be the worse decision at least I will have scratched that itch. Sounds to me like there's something deep down making you unhappy/unsure.

Part of it is my partner getting a dog. I love the dog. But he was meant to be her responsibility. I'd help out of course and I like dogs. But the main reason to not have kids was to not be tied down.

So she gets a dog.. Her health gets worse. I take over more and more dog responsibility. I end up loving the dog. Now he's my best friend. He's a bind. And I don't know how to proceed.

I absolutely want to do this. To just up and go spend a year in NZ. But I don't think it's possible with dog. I won't abandon him. But I'm kind of annoyed that exactly what I didn't want to happen has happened. Gf said I was right. We shouldn't have got him. But I'm not the controlling type. I wouldn't have said "no you can't".


So I'm here, knowing I can't give up my dog. Trying to think what's the best case now.

I lean to contracting, with months off in van. But is this even possible with a dog? I dunno. It would be hard.

The big picture isn't about the money really. It's about that I'm trapped by my own fault.

 

[413x]

Get a dog passport and take him with you

He actually has one as he's from Bosnia.
He is sick though which is the biggest "is this fair" concern

 

[413x]

No nieces or nephews?



I disagree. Sometimes it is sufficiently satisfying to simply be. Have the time to 'stand and stare' as the poem goes.



They don't need to be your own children. My niece and nephew count for me; Mr Chips had all the children he taught.



Are you taking tax into account? Remember that you pay tax on investment interest and that mortgage repayments come out of post-tax income. I'm mortgage-free at the moment.



Absolutely. In the 70s and 80s inflation was terrible.

New ones yes. But far away and I don't really like kids. By that I mean I don't get the same feelings to kids as others do. I never have. I'm in a few child free groups and this seems common. It's like my brain is wired differently.
I see animals as others see kids. And again. This seems common with CF people.

Yes. As I don't max out my isa the tax issue is irrelevant.
If my mortgage is 1.93 and my isa is 4.8 it's a slam dunk which is higher (most is in stocks)

My non S&S savings are not included in this 50k as they are for my dogs care if he needs it.

 

[413x]

OP I don't know your exact circumstances and what they are will affect the answer to this - do you ever look at your life and think how lucky you are compared to an awful lot of people? Just by skim reading this thread, you're on 50k a year, have a skill, a partner, a fantastic canine best friend, a hobby, I assume u are physically healthy, there has been some mention of mental issues and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Aged 30 I had what many would perceive to be a great life - well paid job, a skill, girlfriends, wide circle of friends, great social life, healthy, etc, I lost it all.

I'm now 50, I have none of those things I have just listed apart from a skill (game development) which I've self taught over the past year. I am happier now, and just as importantly much happier now how I am as a person, than I have ever been. Everyday I wake up able bodied able to go about daily life things, able to enjoy my hobby, able to interact with family, I consider myself to be as lucky as any lottery winner (honestly).

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that maybe sometimes try to appreciate what we do have, even if by some people it's not much. Don't be like me and only appreciate things after losing everything. Not saying don't chase your dreams if that's what you definitely want.

Yeah I know but it doesn't work like that. Money doesn't make you happy. Especially when mental health issues come in.
Many have much more but commit suicide.

On paper absolutely.. And I would never complain and say life is tough for me. But having a stupid brain that over thinks and worries and paralyses is horrible. I envy people who've found happiness, a path they enjoy etc. I don't envy rich people.

 

[413x]

I'm going to preface this by saying I don't have kids, and I love dogs (but currently don't have one). I'm 60.

I'd agree with a prior poster, that for many, having kids gives them an entirely different set of priorities. The important things in life shift. You gain a sense of responsibility that virtually nothing else can match. Your life really becomes focused on everything around your kids.And they are real time-sucker-uppers. But I guess for the vast majority, they see it as really well spent, valuable, enhancing time, and not a "bind". Having a dog is a responsibility, but in terms of tying you down, I don't think people generally see their kids in that way. There are of course exceptions and some people are just not cut out for the responsibility or just the commitment that kids brings.

But leaving the exceptions aside, from the all-time consuming first few years, to doing the school run, helping with homework, playing with them, being a taxi service, and helping them deal with their life issues, they become the purpose, the reason for living. And of course the reason why you work (to provide now, and hopefully in the future). And just as you are about to retire, if things go a certain way, you get grandchildren who you can spoil and spend time with, babysit, and help to be a role model for etc, and they become a bit of purpose in life, but you can leave them back at the end of the day and go on holidays etc.

Looking at it from my view, I feel that having no kids, it by definition makes you more selfish, simply because, you ultimately think about yourself first, you plan you finances around yourself, you plan your day and week around yourself, as you don't have anyone else whose whole life depends on you. Having kids, in my experience of looknig at others, takes that away.

I guess many are reading the above and thinking, that's a **** load of speak from someone who has never had kids...and that's right. But at 60, I'm looking into retirement in a couple of years, with a sense....what actually did I do ?...and what am I going to do. (I should be just ok moneywise). When others where dating I was all consumed by computers and programming, and never had thought for relationships. I could also *blame* an unwell mother that needed some care, but that might just be an excuse.

Thankfully I found someone later in life, but the time for kids for me had come and gone. It's a profound realisation that I pretty much got priorities wrong. I look at some friends I have now around the same age, and they have a whole new lease of life spending good time with their grandkids. Of course maybe part of all that is that I mighta been a crap parent, I'm not great at confrontation, so possibility they mighta run too free...I'll never know.

My experience is that most people struggle to fill time in a fulfilling way. a Hobby is fundamentally just a time-filler because you have little else to do. Spending days and hrs fine-tuning the performance of a PC that no one else uses, it does give a sense of achievement, but is it really the best use of time ?

So the purpose of the above was to provide this 60 years old's perspective and experience of not having kids, its a viewpoint that maybe a 20/30/40 year old might not consider. And how it effects your priorities in terms of finances, and perhaps some that have wanderlust are just trying to fill a time/life void that would not exist if there were kids. I should add that I accept that some have a genuinely rewarding job, and get a sense of life achievement from pursuing that, I can't say mines falls into that categore.

Although to be fair, what that has to do with whether £50K savings is enough...I have no idea !

I've heard both sides. All. Sides.
Those with kids who regret it.
Those without who regret it.
Those with who think it's the best thing.
Those without who are glad of it.

To be honest it doesn't really matter as in current situation kids would add to all the problems with the hope it would fix things. But when you want "freedom" that's the very opposite of what kids would bring. As I'm quite "logical" with big decision stuff I've always thought that kids go against my desires. And actual make my Issues worse.

And the stakes for getting it wrong aren't just on me. They are on kid too. I see the stress I have from my dog and know it'd be worse with kids. My close friend used to say I'd make a good parent until she got to know me more.

 

[413x]

On a more verbose note.....

I'm in a similar position, though a bit older (44 today, yay me), no kids, no debts other than a modest mortgage. I've got enough in the bank to not work for a couple of years. I've already done the living abroad bit, spent the whole of my 30s overseas. Been back in the UK for 5 years now, and due to some work shenanigans (RTO = GTFO), we're deciding what to do next year.

Think we have settled on what we'll do. It is going to involve a move, and working less, at least for other people. I'll probably make a thread about it in the style of @Martynt74 's one, once the ball starts rolling in the new year.

Yeah same. And also inspired by martyns thread and basically doing it.

Its coming up to a sensible time to make a big decision on life. But damn it's hard to face vs going with the flow.

 

[413x]

Sorry. The replies to this thread are epic. And I've read them all even if I haven't replied!

 

[413x]

Find a new hobby that will give you something different?

50k gives you plenty of options.

I have been learning to fly for the past 2 months and wish I had done it sooner. Outside of my kids my life is completely taken up by that at the moment. Hoping to get my PPL by summer.

That is amazing. Can I ask how much it cost?

 

[413x]

Hypothetically, what if you broke up with her and made her keep the dog?
It's a bit mean, but just for the sake of argument, is this what you really want to do?

She would not be physically or financially able to keep him. I don't know what would happen if neither of us wanted him. He is her responsibility at end of the day. But he would be better off with me. And I would take him.

Basically I love him. But he is so much hassle especially with his issues. And it drives my anxiety through the roof.

This is interesting (the dog, and not wanting kids thing).

I never wanted kids but always loved dogs. I found myself rather lost and thought getting a dog would be a good idea as I always thought I wanted one....it wasn't. I literally HATE owning a dog and did so from pretty much the start. it's one of the biggest regrets of my life. Weirdly it hasn't made me hate dogs. I still like dogs (not sure about mine, he's a bit weird even though he's a golden retriever) . I just simply hate owning one. It's tiresome and messy (especially in the winter/In the UK due to all the rain). He's always in the way, costs a lot of money and causes endless cleaning (to the point where I just don't care about being house proud anymore) ,for no descernable benefit. He's not even badly behaved either. Never been destructive and isn't that bad with seperation/being left etc.

However, I'd have got rid of him almost immediately, but my wife (who didn't want a dog as much as me) loves him and won't get rid of him. So to top it off the dog drives a constant wedge between me and my wife too...


I am however recently a new father, and so far I much prefer having a kid compared to a dog. Something I never thought would be the case. Life can surprise you.

That's the trouble with life, and listening to other people's advice (or maybe even your own head!). Everyone is so different, that you have to be extremely careful who and what you listen to. I've been influenced or encouraged into doing things by friends and family (mostly family) that have made my life loads worse. It's very easy to take the wrong path and listen to the wrong people (even if they are trying to help..).

I love the dog, he's been so good at times when I was bad. And we've done a lot. And although he's always been a bind.. With his health issues (much like my partners) it's hard to navigate. Take emotions out. And yes my life would be easier without. Absolutely. But you can't take emotions out.

 

[413x]

Flying is a great shout. It's only an hour or two out of your day. 40 hours gets you fully certified with a bunch of exams etc. I gave up after 3 or 4 lessons because I couldn't prioritise it, but loved every minute I was doing it.

Edit: are you keeping this dog alive unnecessarily? Sorry to be blunt/heartless but it feels like a big source of your issues and if it's having a poor quality of life anyway...

No. He's happy enough. He just has early onset hip dysplasia. He's getting the best care. And the money set aside is if he needs total hip replacement. Apparently it can be transformative.but it's apparently only done when needed.

Basically I've lost my hiking buddy.

 

[413x]

This is exactly what I spent a lot of years fretting over - should I leave my partner for my benefit? What if it was for both our benefit? She was (and is) quite dependent on me so it was a heavy load to bear. Being trapped in that decision/worry was really hard.

I think the ultimate reason I didn't leave was I didn't think she'd get by at that time, on her own. Maybe that was unfair of me, but we have pulled through into a place where all those practical issues come second to how we feel about each other. We're happier than we've ever been but we're well aware we went through some dark times.

We have definitely been through a similar journey!

 

[413x]

I take all of that at absolutely face value, and in fact agree with the bulk of it.

The final thing I'll say on kids, is that I very much wasn't a kids person. They were mostly an annoyance. if I saw one on a plane, my first thought was I hope that doesn't whine and gripe the whole time, same when one would come into an eatery etc. My perspective on them changed DRAMATCALLY, when my partner had a grandchild. I've seen this baby-girl in a whole new light, and seeing my partner's son go from a career focused "kids are like farts, you can just about tolerate your own" (exact quote of his from way back) R&D chemist, to such an unbelievably natural father, and watching him learn by groping in the dark at time, and him telling me all the stuff that I never knew or experienced. I have a totally new perspective on both kids and parents.

But I completely take your point that having a kid is a gamble, and rightly as you say, it is on the kid too if it doesn't work out. But it is a gamble that most of the world takes.

I feel like a hypocrite saying it, given my life decision-making !

It is genuinely amazing how a thread can wander off in a direction that is entirely unexpected, and at the same time not unrelated.

Its a big gamble to go wrong.
If take my dog. I love dogs. I love animals. But I know dogs are very dependant.

But I didn't want the dog really as I didn't want the anxiety over being responsible. I didn't want the difficulty of going away, all the things that come with being a pet owner.

I've grown up with animals I know the drill.

Little did I know my partner would be bad enough that I pick up the dog duties.
This was actually OK. He got me outdoors more. We both loved exploring new paths etc.
But then he also got his issues.
And that's when things have gotten difficult.

There's no way throwing a kid in the mix is a good thing. If anything the last few years have pushed me the other way.

What if we had a kid and it had medical problems. I'd be broken.

My sister and her partner struggle with the baby duties. He said "this is harder than I imagined".. Me.. I imagine it's hard. Then multiple that by 10.
If they are both fully able and they are struggling. There's no way I'd choose to add more stress and anxiety.

That's why I said if either of us did want kids we'd have to find someone else. As the issues we both have make it a bad choice.

 

[413x]

I haven't read all the posts since the OP @413x but it's not exactly an unusual problem. People are taught that saving is "good", but often without any rationale underpinning it.

There are a couple of ways to look at it. Option 1 - you've got a really solid buffer that would get you through a wide array of the problems life might throw at you (needing a new car, wanting to pay for a private op, etc), and you decide "that's enough", and you spend what's left over from here on out.

Option 2 - you set a fresh goal. Depending on how much you spend, this could be the start of an amount that carries you through an early(ier) retirement. I know someone who's been laid off at 60, and now scrambling because they can't afford to retire until they hit state pension age. If they could take out £10k per year for 8 years, they'd be fine, but they haven't got it.

Personally, I'm more inclined to try to wind down my work (in terms of stress and hours) as early as I can, so putting cash away and investing it is a key part of that. I doubt I'll ever spend all of it, but I've got a very clear plan as to what it'll be used for.

Option 1 is what I want. Option 2 is what my cautious side tells me.

Losing family to diseases, just being aware of it has shaken me. And although option 1 was a nice dream. It's easier to follow the sensible option 2.

Now, more than ever I feel option 1 is better.

My Gfs dad, my parents and many other older people who are often well off but imprisoned by stuff or their own minds or (like my parents) something ridiculous and petty.. Doesn't appeal.

I then look at my Gfs aunt who have sold up and moved to Spain. They are having a great time. They broke away from the normal.


My mind is stubby cautious. It's served me well. But made my life boring. My mortgage is cheap and not expanded with earnings. I haven't got a finance car because I earn more.
I can save so much because my lifestyle is 10-20k less. So I'm not trapped by salary.. But my sensible brain says "you must not go down in salary, that's crazy".

This needs breaking I guess. I shall talk about this in my next counselling session

 

[413x]

@413x what do you mean your parents are trapped in their minds?

They are locked in an inheritance battle within family.

Ie feuding siblings.
This has been going on Years none of them will back down. They are all bitter, miserable and my family has been torn to shreds.

What makes this even worse.they are all very well off. Give our take 1mln estates.

Yet they are spending their later years consumed with it. My mums depression has come back so hard.

Its all their own fault. Money and greed

 

[413x]

We've all watched **** from an early age, don't be hard on yourself.

EDIT: Rhymes with bits. Sensored

Great ones, blue ones,.. Heck.. Even bearded ones!

 

[413x]

From reading your posts for the past several years, it seems like you've got a big heart and want the best for people! You do, however, seem to be all over the place with your thoughts and a variety of subjects (no offence). There is no one way to live a good life, but from a material point of view, you seem to have all you need but derive very little satisfaction. The only advice I have is to perhaps try and make more face-to-face human connections (I don't mean pop out 2 kids...), but do you have many friends? It's cliche, but speaking to others in real life is far more beneficial than posting on a forum!

This is fair.
And it's my worst trait. Not making big decisions and just going with the flow. You'd think I'd learn. But obviously not!

The financial backing removes an excuse. "if I make a big change I haven't enough money".

Really. Now is the time to at least try what I think is best for me.

 

[413x]

Lots of talk about dogs in the thread and how they tie you down. This is exactly why I/we never got one. I just know it would end up being me taking care of it. The kids are like "but Dad....we'll look after it and do everything". I don't doubt they would... for a day. Then it would be me.

I believe dogs are a worse tie than having a child. The amount of people I know that have to completely change their lives to fit around dog care and timings is crazy. You have to start thinking about places you can and can't go. Which houses are accepting of your dog. How do we fit that around dog walk times. What about when we go away. etc etc. I mean at least babies **** in a nappy ffs. Dog **** you have to pick up for the entire dog's life, rather than doing nappies for a couple of years. Of course I'd love a dog. I'd love a beautiful, blue eyed Husky. But it's just never happening because I can see what it would mean for our lives. We would not be compatible with a dog. I get labelled as a bore for being sensible and realising this, even sometimes from the wife! But she knows deep down I am right. So we continue to resist getting a dog. Just saying yo.

This is all a reality. And it didn't change as dog gets older as opposed to kids.
A dog is the same burden or worse as time goes on. Kids get less. Especially time wise.

Sure kids are more expensive. But time sink is different

If I lost my dog.. I absolutely wouldn't get another I have to say until I was super old maybe.