House mate situation

[dalehitchy1]

Back story - Me and my partner rent a house
We came back from spain last year and found this place to rent
Moving costs were high and we just got back into work so decided to take in a tenant.

My mate was looking for a place at the time, weve been mates for years (around 8 years) so we took him in.

Not long after moving in he started getting stuff of finance, small stuff but enough to make me worry, such as a wardobe etc. - warned him against this but he didnt listen. He then took the stupid move to quit his job around last October (he worked at sainsbury's delivering) but he said he was getting paid too low for the hours he did so quit.

He got a job at a garage, hes a good mechanic but no qualifications, so all his money was cash in hand. But then, his manager only started paying him once every two months (if that) and then it would only be 3 or 4 hundred with the promise of 'ill pay you more next week'... but that never came.

He then started to get behind on his finance payments and then obviously... Rent. He hasnt paid on time since December and still owes me last 2 months rent.

In feb, he got news that his bowel cancer condition is still there (he has been bleeding from that area), has been to the hospital for scans etc and did go for an operation. Hes had this sort of issue for as long as I can remember. He isnt lying here as i went with him to the hospital. During this time of not working, and resting at home, i did say id let him off 2 weeks rent.

So the final parts of the story. 2 weeks ago he sold his car for £700. He owes me £600 but that money never came to me... as he needs a car and needs a better one as the one before (MX5) was too low for him after the Operation. Hes also had many nights out drinking with his/my mates, which i cant afford to do anymore.

Finally, I got a text today saying hes moving out, took some of his stuff already and coming to get the rest this weekend and drop off the house key. He said he wont be able to pay me everything right now. He can give me a little with the promise of the rest at a later date. I don't believe him at all, and I have taken the rest of his stuff (clothes TV etc) out of the house. When he come ill take any money he gives me and the key and then tell him he will get the rest of his stuff when I get my money.

Partner says I'm being harsh but If i dont do it it will probably be the last I see of him. I've cut my losses and doubt I will get much of my money but I dont want him to walk away scott free. Suffice to say....im pretty mad and felt he has taken advantage of our generosity

Edit: So another text my parter got was that hes sorry, hes guilty and suicidle, hates that hes in debt and not got a proper job etc. Partner replied that he can get him a job at a takeaway which will pay (and a good amount tbh) which hes told my flatmate numerous times but the guy turned it down as its not his kind of place to work. So in my opinion, he doesnt want to get out of debt or work and wants a free ride.

Edit: So my original post seemed like he just got cancer but hes had bowel conditions since ive been mates with him. It's nothing new, not that its any better or an excuse or anything. I dont mind supporting a friend... but there is only so much i can do

 

[dalehitchy1]

wtf, glad I am not your friend. The dude has ****ing cancer and your going to keep his **** because he owes you a few quid, how very sad. Give him his stuff back, tell him not to worry about the money until he gets better.

well, fair enough
i do want to point that that this has been an on going condition, not new. He took two weeks off for the condition, and has been back at the garage for a while, borowed lots of money from me too since then for parking tickets and food, but then goes out on nights drinking with mates. Unfortunately I cant afford to join him

It may be only a bit... but its money i cant afford, and i honestly feel like hes taken advantage of of us.

Yes i may be harsh, I admit... i will prbably change my mind when i calm down, but i have given him a lot of support, not just on money, and know i get the text - ive moved out bye,..... without even a conversation face to face

 

[dalehitchy1]

£600 isn't pocket change, but your friend got cancer and you're being a dick.
Be a proper friend and tell him to take the takeaway job. It's all he can get at the moment. Maybe you can support him and talk some sense into him. You've been friends for 8 years!

my partner has 3 friends who are WILLING to give him the job RIGHT NOW. He wont take it and wants to continue working at the place that hasnt paid him for 3 months. Fair enough - im a dick, but i can only help him so much before im in debt myself.

 

[dalehitchy1]

How do you know they haven't paid him ?

It is cash in hand afterall

well he keeps telling me he's asked his manager for the moneybut keeps saying 'soon'. I can only take his word for it

 

[dalehitchy1]

Apart from the fact the pay wasn't steady. Well Done. A*

well at saunsbury's it was permanent with a set amount of hours - he said he did overtime and didnt get enough so walked out - to the job that was cash in hand.

id say his job was steady - albiet not paid well (but at least on time and a minimum amount)

 

[dalehitchy1]

Fixed

My other half is a dude and he's straight....i v much doubt it lol

 

[dalehitchy1]

I generally don't like this sort of post, but I can agree somewhat. Also, the post regarding withholding belongings is correct, you'll be in trouble if he complains to the police about it, so I'd not be doing that.

Maybe the guy is a bit lazy, maybe the cancer is seriously affecting his physical and mental health? Bit of both? The question is are you a good person or not?

Not sure what kind of response you expected on here, tbh.

Fair enough. I've taken both points into consideration. I suppose I only really know what situation truly im in and I do feel like I've been taken advantage of. He wasn't paying his way on time long before his update on his bowels. I've fed him, housed him, paid his fines, his car insurance but there is only so much I can do for him before I get myself into a financial situation.

I also don't take too kindly that I look after him as he has no money but he has the money go drinking with mates or take girls out on dates he's met off tinder. If he was really struggling he wouldn't be ordering take away every other night instead of going to the supermarket and getting a decent meal (I cant imagine these kebabs being healthy for his bowels either).

Anyway, you lot have guilted me and so ill take the advice of letting him off my £600 and giving his belongings back.... But I don't think I can support him anymore in his volunteer work, or help him find an actual job as all he seems to want to do is take from me.... Nor do I think we will be good friends after this as I feel like he has taken advantage.

 

[dalehitchy1]

£1,000 isn't that much money in the grand scheme of things, but it's still not an amount that I wouldn't like to be down by either. The way I see it is, your house mate has far bigger problems that need dealing with, rather than what they owe you.

Agreed.... But I feel like he's done a 'ill take what I can get then run. I've been supportive of his condition, so has my partner. We have helped out with some of his debt and found him 3 paying jobs he wont take... His problems wont go away by bleeding other people dry

£1000 may not be much for you but that kind if money is for me (especially since the new law doesn't allow me to claim expenses anymore so that now puts me at £40 above minimum wage). Anyway what's done is done now.

 

[dalehitchy1]

Well the end of the story is... He told one of my mates we moaned at him when he bought food from the supermarket... Saying You could have gave us that money' (we didn't say that... We actually gave him money to buy food from the supermarket). I only said something when he bought takeaway for a week after lending him money for food.

I asked him over private message on facebook why he said this and now he's blocked me and my partner. His stuff his still here but will be donating all his remaining stuff to charity.

 

[dalehitchy1]

you're going to look like a complete **** in front of all your mutual friends if you're not careful with the way you deal with this

Eh? Over Private message on fb

 

[dalehitchy1]

Quite possibly true. But if they don't know what he's like now, it sounds like they'll soon learn.

Where is he living now? Is it possible to drive round a leave all his stuff there? Even if it has to go in a back yard?

Well he seems to have cut all ties. I dont know where he is living now. I doubt hell get in contact. I'll wait a week... At this point im over the money but I hate his attitude and all I wanted was a conversation for closure.

I'll wait a week and see what happens but I'm looking for a new tenant (yes I have landlord permission) and dont want his stuff here

 

[dalehitchy1]

the situation in general you've got a friend with cancer and he's had to move out... that's one thing and fair enough as he can't afford to pay you rent but the holding his possessions to ransom and then potentially donating them to charity isn't a good move, it doesn't look like the situation has been handled well at all

Past this point I don't care. He's chatted crap about me ... Saying I've moaned at him for buying food when I'm the one who has given him money for food.

I probably already come across as bad to people he's spoke to... May as well live up to my reputation. The mutual friends we have anyway still act like 16 year olds. We are all nearly 30... But they act like a bunch of kids. I think its about time I move on anyway

 

[dalehitchy1]

Some very decided opinions on this lol. I have advertised his room... I cant call him or message him as he's blocked all communication with me and I don't know where he lives.

Not only that he's got loads of car parts in my back garden that are quite big and heavy which I presume I will have to get rid of somehow if they are not worth anything.

 

[dalehitchy1]

Going by past experience, just leave 'em uncovered in the backyard for a night, they'll soon disappear. I left a 2300cc engine and transmission from a Victor in the yard for 30 mins whilst I went to pick up the van to move it, I came back and it was gone. It took three of us a good 20 mins to manhandle the thing from the front of the house to the back, so God knows how it got nicked so quickly.

If they were worth anything I'm sure he would have sold them or taken them already

 

[dalehitchy1]

This OP, please this!

I've said to myself many times... No matter how tough life gets.... Id never share my problems on TV. A forum is as far as it'll go lol

 

[dalehitchy1]

Taking his stuff = Theft = Criminal Matter.

Him not paying rent = Civil matter.

You are being a douche. Give him his stuff back and then maybe you might be able to try to start working a way out between you of how he will repay the owed rent.

I'm the douche for helping him for months on end with money etc.... For him to move out not paying anything he owes me.... And additionally him blocking all communications with me... Via phone... Facebook and whatsapp. At this point I wouldn't even be able to give his stuff back. If he's making it extra hard for me to contact him why do I need to waste my time tracking him down or going through other people.

Remarks like the one you just made is a sweeping statement and I would certainly love to see what you would do in my situation.