How does your life change when you move out?

[Phate]

Living with a house mate who likes to "tidy" this holy grail still eludes me

Very frustrating when it's peeing it down outside, I've got to be on my way to work in 10 minutes and it's my waterproof trousers she's hidden

Shes "hidden" them you say.

Maybe she's wearing them and waiting for you to come and peel them off? eh? eh?

Sounds tough

 

[ScoTTyBEEE]

35 is way beyond when parents expect you to be standing on your own two feet, and any parent worth their salt would be worried if their offspring was not showing signs of independence at that comparatively late stage of development.



We are all, with very few exceptions, indebted to decades of 'work crap', it's called working to try and build a better future for yourself and it's pretty much unavoidable if you want financial independence.



For the OP's benefit, can you please list the benefits of moving to those countries you list, as well as give him some tips on finding a job there before he moves to them?

1. Moving out isn't a big deal, nor is not moving out. People can live the lives they want, it's about being happy, not conforming to norms.

2. It depends what those decades of work crap end up providing. OP has already stated it will be hard to make it in a bad area. If he plays his cards differently he could be retiring 10 years earlier in a mediterranean villa compared to a high rise in Croydon.

3. The benefit is to open his eyes to other possibilities and end the stagnation that he's experiencing. This can be done cheaply, go with enough money so work in that year is optional (this doesn't require a lot of money, and OP clearly has some).

 

[Kamerad]

It's all about self respect. It can't do much for your self confidence when you have to tell friends, work colleagues, girlfriends that you have never left the nest.

The parents getting old is just an excuse to avoid making the jump, top tip everyone's parents will get old and die. My Father died when I was 29 and My Mother developed Parkinsons disease a year later. Does this mean I want to move back home? No, I still need to have my own life.

When your parents do finally pass away you will be left all alone and the chances to live your life off your own back and have your own family will be gone forever.

You are not too old to change.

 

[Noxia]

Do whatever you feel is right. Don't take any notice of faux social requirement to leave ASAP. This is a very generalised statement but all the people I know who left it late have much smaller/no mortgages as they didn't fall victim to the social stigma about it.

 

[Richdog]

1. Moving out isn't a big deal, nor is not moving out. People can live the lives they want, it's about being happy, not conforming to norms.

Sorry, but to me that is just meaningless 'feel good' twaddle. It's about taking responsibility for your own life and achieving some independence, not relying on your parents to always watch out for you.

2. It depends what those decades of work crap end up providing. OP has already stated it will be hard to make it in a bad area. If he plays his cards differently he could be retiring 10 years earlier in a mediterranean villa compared to a high rise in Croydon.

Well, considering none of us have a crystal ball to see decades into the future, the goal is to give it a try and see what happens.

3. The benefit is to open his eyes to other possibilities and end the stagnation that he's experiencing. This can be done cheaply, go with enough money so work in that year is optional (this doesn't require a lot of money, and OP clearly has some).

So you want him to give up his job? Newsflash: you don't need to go away and not work for a year in order to end stagnation. He just needs to start by moving out and standing on his own two feet.

 

[Noxia]

You can have independence and still live under the same roof. How exactly are the two linked?
Living in the same house doesn't mean his parents still do his washing and cook his dinner etc. Different strokes for different folks, personally I'd rather people laughed at me behind my back than be 3 pay packets away from bankruptcy but hey ho.

 

[Freefaller]

But it's never truly "your" place to do as you want. You're still living under someone else's rules and so on. Not that that's a problem, but you do lose some independence.

 

[Noxia]

But it's never truly "your" place to do as you want. You're still living under someone else's rules and so on. Not that that's a problem, but you do lose some independence.

Guess it depends what you want to do, unless you want to throw sexy parties I don't see what restrictions there are exactly. I don't do anything different living with my gf than I did at home but I guess it depends how your relationship is. I was basically a lodger, I didn't talk much or have any interactions.

 

[Richdog]

You can have independence and still live under the same roof. How exactly are the two linked?

If you even have to ask such a fundamentally basic question that could be answered with an iota of common sense, then I guess it would be pointless to explain.

 

[Noxia]

If you even have to ask such a fundamentally basic question that could be answered with an iota of common sense, then I guess it would be pointless to explain.

Ah the old you don't agree with me I shall go into warrior mode reply. Cool.

So if OP is saving £1k a month to do what he wants with, but wouldn't have as much moving out, thus restricting his activities and travel then surely he is losing independence.

 

[CosmicClown]

You're skint all the time, only real change.

 

[Noxia]

Forgot to say, agree with rich about it teaches you valuable lessons in regards to money management etc. If you don't have that background fear of losing your property/eviction then it can cause you to be reckless.
I wouldn't just walk out of a job now as I did 10 years ago.

 

[ScoTTyBEEE]

Sorry, but to me that is just meaningless 'feel good' twaddle. It's about taking responsibility for your own life and achieving some independence, not relying on your parents to always watch out for you.



Well, considering none of us have a crystal ball to see decades into the future, the goal is to give it a try and see what happens.



So you want him to give up his job? Newsflash: you don't need to go away and not work for a year in order to end stagnation. He just needs to start by moving out and standing on his own two feet.

1. Like mentioned he'll move out and have very little disposable income. He'll swap having his parents around and the ability to have a social life, to being on his own with debt. It's very different to do this at 35 compared to 20. You don't have the time to change things.

2. The OP is 35 and will only have the money to move to a bad area in 2 years time. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP, but you've failed in London if this is your situation, or London has failed you if you look at it differently. Unless your earnings look to increase dramatically in the future all London will offer you if you buy at these prices is a low quality of life. This is not the case in numerous other locations.

3. Moving out costs money in rent, or buying. If op goes and explores other possibilities the stamp duty alone will probably pay for a whole year of exploration.

 

[Freefaller]

Guess it depends what you want to do, unless you want to throw sexy parties I don't see what restrictions there are exactly. I don't do anything different living with my gf than I did at home but I guess it depends how your relationship is. I was basically a lodger, I didn't talk much or have any interactions.

You can get quite pedantic about listing things I guess - but I had a relaxed relationship with my parents, but in the evenings I'd have to socialise with them, and spend pretty much all my time with them, unless I was going out. I couldn't just invite a bunch of mates round to watch a movie, or have a meal and a few beers - it would feel a bit weird doing that. My parents wouldn't have minded, but you can't really be totally relaxed (things like swearing and so on.. not that I swear much anyway).

I like to be able to decorate and buy the equipment I want, and place them where I want. Heck, even walk to the loo in the buff if I want to. Prepare the foods I want to eat (sure I could do that, but it seems daft/uneconomical to cook 2 different meals). Be able to do what I want on my own terms at any time.

Again, I'm sure depending on your relationships with your parents you can do all of that - but also I can't help but respect my parents "way", as such I constantly felt like a guest at home and not really ever able to relax fully. I also felt embarrassed being at home still in my young 20s - I couldn't imagine being still at home when I was 35!

Ultimately, having your own space and your own rules to do what you want is the ultimate definition of being independent. You're free to do and behave any way you want. Initially you go a little nuts, don't tidy, or buy crap food, or whatever - but after a while you start to get house proud, and get a routine, and learn how the world works better (dealing with councils, home insurance, appliances, trades (gas/elec etc...), and the need for maintenance - all that jazz. That experience is diluted when you live at home, no matter how much responsibility your parents give you.

 

[Richdog]

1. Like mentioned he'll move out and have very little disposable income. He'll swap having his parents around and the ability to have a social life, to being on his own with debt. It's very different to do this at 35 compared to 20. You don't have the time to change things.

Buying a house causes debt? Well yes, that's what a mortgage is. Not sure anyone would argue against that fact.

Alternatively, he could start by getting a flatshare with other professionals in London, or a small apartment of his own... I hear it's possible to do that without getting into debt.

2. The OP is 35 and will only have the money to move to a bad area in 2 years time. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP, but you've failed in London if this is your situation, or London has failed you if you look at it differently. Unless your earnings look to increase dramatically in the future all London will offer you if you buy at these prices is a low quality of life. This is not the case in numerous other locations.

Agreed, London is crap for first time buyers. Getting a modest sized first place in a not so amazing area, or a tiny place in a decent area, is the reality for many people.

3. Moving out costs money in rent, or buying. If op goes and explores other possibilities the stamp duty alone will probably pay for a whole year of exploration.

And then when he returns... he will still need to buy a place and move out, but will in the meantime have spent a year of his hard-earned savings.

 

[Noxia]

You can get quite pedantic about listing things I guess - but I had a relaxed relationship with my parents, but in the evenings I'd have to socialise with them, and spend pretty much all my time with them, unless I was going out. I couldn't just invite a bunch of mates round to watch a movie, or have a meal and a few beers - it would feel a bit weird doing that. My parents wouldn't have minded, but you can't really be totally relaxed (things like swearing and so on.. not that I swear much anyway).

I like to be able to decorate and buy the equipment I want, and place them where I want. Heck, even walk to the loo in the buff if I want to. Prepare the foods I want to eat (sure I could do that, but it seems daft/uneconomical to cook 2 different meals). Be able to do what I want on my own terms at any time.

Again, I'm sure depending on your relationships with your parents you can do all of that - but also I can't help but respect my parents "way", as such I constantly felt like a guest at home and not really ever able to relax fully. I also felt embarrassed being at home still in my young 20s - I couldn't imagine being still at home when I was 35!

Ultimately, having your own space and your own rules to do what you want is the ultimate definition of being independent. You're free to do and behave any way you want. Initially you go a little nuts, don't tidy, or buy crap food, or whatever - but after a while you start to get house proud, and get a routine, and learn how the world works better (dealing with councils, home insurance, appliances, trades (gas/elec etc...), and the need for maintenance - all that jazz. That experience is diluted when you live at home, no matter how much responsibility your parents give you.

I see your point, I guess for me it was different as I had my own wing of the house basically so it was like living in a separate property most the time.
I won't ever be house proud, a house to me is just somewhere to live and I don't have any desire to spend lots of money buying things I don't really need for it. Don't mistake that for being a slob, I tidy all the time but I've (finally) managed to stop being so materialistic which has definitely had a positive impact on my overall well being.

If I lived in a smaller property where I was basically tripping over them all the time I would have done anything to get out ASAP. It totally depends on a number of variables I think and not a one size fits all scenario!

PS: Also enjoy walking around with the tallywhacker out.

 

[ScoTTyBEEE]

Buying a house causes debt? Well yes, that's what a mortgage is. Not sure anyone would argue against that fact.

Alternatively, he could start by getting a flatshare with other professionals in London, or a small apartment of his own... I hear it's possible to do that without getting into debt.

And what if the op doesn't enjoy that bad area. Well you know what op, you're stuck there now mate. Oh, and that job you go to, well now you need to go there or you lose a ton of money.

Agreed, London is crap for first time buyers. Getting a modest sized first place in a not so amazing area, or a tiny place in a decent area, is the reality for many people.

It's reality here, not elsewhere. It doesn't have to be your reality.

And then when he returns... he will still need to buy a place and move out, but will in the meantime have spent a year of his hard-earned savings.

Whose to say he'll want to return?

 

[Freefaller]

I see your point, I guess for me it was different as I had my own wing of the house basically so it was like living in a separate property most the time.
I won't ever be house proud, a house to me is just somewhere to live and I don't have any desire to spend lots of money buying things I don't really need for it. Don't mistake that for being a slob, I tidy all the time but I've (finally) managed to stop being so materialistic which has definitely had a positive impact on my overall well being.

If I lived in a smaller property where I was basically tripping over them all the time I would have done anything to get out ASAP. It totally depends on a number of variables I think and not a one size fits all scenario!

PS: Also enjoy walking around with the tallywhacker out.

LOL!

When I send houseproud I mean, looking after it - not necessarily spending lots - though you invariably do, when you own somewhere as you think "ooh I'd like to fix that / alter that / do that / add that / remove that..." or something like that!.

Your situation is a little different, having your own wing (west wing?! ) is different as that's almost like an annex - in which case that's almost like living alone. But living in the same house with your parent's bedroom next to yours and having to have your lounge/bedroom and so on in your bedroom is to reminiscent of university and to me just isn't progressing!

Good on your for being less materialistic - I learned that a while back when I didn't have any money to spend on stuff!

 

[Terminal_Boy]

When you move out (whether that's renting, a flatshare, or buying) you finally start growing into an adult.

This. You'll be standing on your own 2 feet for first time.

Fun things you'll be doing:

- Managing your bills and finance
- Laundry
- Grocery shopping
- Cooking
- Cleaning

Plan your week's shopping in advance to avoid buying stuff that will spoil.

 

[MikeTheNative]

I moved out last year at 22 to live with my GF. While I've found the transition easy, I don't think you a truly 'grown up' till you move out and start to make 100% of the decisions yourself.