How to be less reactive and impulsive

hargi

hargi

hargi

Associate
Joined
19 Jul 2006
Posts
1,847
This could be a GD discussion but thought I would post here as its affecting my work.

I know from my personality type that I am quite honest and open, but also principled and some may say stubborn ( more as in I stick to my beliefs ). In my last place this was a good thing and my managers actually liked it.

However at my new place we are going through a lot of change and people are getting frustrated. I am not nieve enough to think everything will go how I would like it to and somethings I just have to suck up. Which is fair enough I have no problem with that.

I am getting more aware that I am more reactive in situations and say things or let things get to me quickly and I impulsively say or do something. Which may put me in a bad light, when I am only passionate about what I am doing.

I am also aware that sometimes my vocabulary lets me down. Its not that I cant speak good english, lol , just that sometimes in the moment I use the wrong words. eg " I complained about that" rather then " I raised this as a concern"

I also thing that others say stuff to get me going.

In my old job I was easy going and just got on with my work, where as here I feel a bit of anxiousness and I dont like it.

I know this is mainly down to me but is there any tips on how I can stop been reactive and take time to think before I do or say something?
 
Type out an email when you're feeling like that, like you would send it but then save it to drafts, or send it to yourself. Read it back 30 mins later and it's often an eye opener how quick you can react.
 
You're already halfway there, as you recognise what you need to change and what you need to change to. If you struggle to bring out the more considered opinion / reaction naturally then you could consider a stock response that allows you the time to formulate that more considered reaction, such as paraphrasing the situation before then delivering your answer - giving an initial response that takes no thought at all while you think about what you actually want to say.

You can take it to the nth degree but there are all sorts of things you can do to practice. Observe the more effective and engaging politicians or people in the media, and look at how they deal with similar situations. There's typically a rehearsed response before moving on to addressing the point raised and then, unfortunately, more often than not repositioning the question to answer a question that you'd rather answer than the one that has been asked. Even with the most effective and fluent people, look at what they say and then read a transcript of the same encounter and you'll see how much garbage or nonsense is actually used to stall for the considered response. The smooth and effective delivery of it simply masks it, but there's an art to getting it right and not sounding evasive.
 
It may also be good to tell your colleagues that you know you have this issue and are trying to improve, especially with language. I have found myself using the phrase "I don't care about that" when I *do* care about it, but what I am trying to say is that I trust other people to figure out the details and that I don't need to be directly involved - I've explained this to people and try to pull myself up on it verbally whenever I let that phrase slip out to a: help me adjust and, more importantly, b: so that whoever I talk to knows what I actually meant.

Hopefully you would gain some respect for explaining this and they might even help you if there are common words or phrases that you use which you're trying to stop, it should help clear the air and reduce toxicity (unless your workplace is a place that fosters toxicity, in which case, move on)
 
Thanks for the input, yeah a lot of my comments are similar to that. "I don't care" = whatever you think is best etc.

I do like the idea of replicating politicians where they never really answer the question, there as been a few times I have been asked things that they know I am passionate about and wanted to hear my thoughts even though they are going down a different route.
 
You need to then think about using things like; "let me think about that and get back to you" or "let's get everyone's ideas together and make a decision after that" etc. so you're not being dismissive but you're being inclusive and it gives you a chance to formulate an argument that is less negative.
 
Do an extremely hard workout before work every day then you'll be too tired to bother. And stop caffeine and nicotine.
 
There is a proper term for what you are trying to do. It is called Emotional Intelligence - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

It's a skill which you can learn and practice. And its a very useful one to get good at. Polititans, great leaders and people who 'say the right thing at the right time' are experts at this. Years of practice can go into making sure you can read your own feelings and the feelings of those around you and act accordingly.
 
randomshenans said:
You need to then think about using things like; "let me think about that and get back to you" or "let's get everyone's ideas together and make a decision after that" etc. so you're not being dismissive but you're being inclusive and it gives you a chance to formulate an argument that is less negative.
Click to expand...

This I do like! Those two sentences alone are worth points as long as they are acted upon. I'll use these phrases from tomorrow I think.

Sometimes I feel like my voice is never heard so usually in jobs I tend to just go with whatever everyone else feels though deep down it's always a told you so, however I just let other people get on with it as there are some people who always want it their way so when things are wrong I let it be wrong and then end up saying. "Nothing to do with me"... which isn't the attitude to have but I tend to always get forced into that corner automatically. (or so it seems).
 
An easier way to get around "I don't care" is to say "I don't mind" or "Whatever you think is best"
 
I even think that these are not preferable. Shows you have no opinion, or thoughts on something, which either shows you don't care or don't know enough about it. You can easily use other terms which are more positive.
 
I'm regularly asked at work for opinions about things that I know aren't important or relevant. Very often, the person putting the question just isn't confident in their own view. I ask them to talk me through it, what their opinion is, challenge/double-check a few things and say I agree. This will do the job unless they haven't thought about it at all (or I actually disagree and need to say something). Don't be afraid to move the conversation forward if the 'Tell me about it' is taking too long.

OP, some people take pride in 'talking straight' at work but it can be really self-indulgent and undisciplined. Rather than policing your choice of words, I'd think more deeply about why you are speaking and what you are trying to achieve.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom