How to cope?

[Boycey0211]

Right, bit of a semi-long read but bear with me.

Around a year and a bit ago I managed to land my dream job, at the mid point of my career and couldn't have been happier. it was a great move into something I wanted and will never get the chance to do again, it's only a five year job role.

Just before I started there was a change in management, the guy who interviewed me left and a new guy took over his role. No worries there as he seemed a nice bloke when I met him on my first day.

Around six months into a HUGE learning curve I get given my first job on my own. Was a relatively difficult bit of fault diagnosis into a system that I have never worked on before, and had already spent a couple of days trying to diagnose. I decide to ask my colleague what he thinks, as he's been there over 20 years. He's the only other person with any in-depth knowledge of the system in question.

So we're sat discussing system details etc, possible faults and the boss walks in, see's us talking and asks why it isnt fixed yet. I explain because I'm having to get advice on the fault. He starts saying how I'm taking the **** and just need to fix it. So off I go and try to do my best.

A day later my line manager says he needs a chat, calls me into the office to ask whats going on with me. I'm a bit puzzled as I thought I was doing relatively well at this point. Get told that he's been told by the boss I'm lazy and I'd rather spend time chatting to X instead of fixing the fault, citing the exact time I was trying to find the fault with X as 'chatting' instead of working. This made me fairly miserable for months.

This hit me fairly hard, I'm not lazy and I've worked my arse off to get this job in the first place. While in it I'm regularly the only person in my trade available with one subordinate compared to all of my previous roles where theres been around 5 trade supervisors and 7-10 subordinates.

Over the last 12 months or so I've had to put up with almost daily remarks about how we do no work, we can't fix faults, if something goes wrong its down to us etc. from other trades and the management in question. Majority of it I can shrug off but it wears you down as you can imagine.

Jump forwards to the last month. Again a complex fault, used all my knowledge available for the system, worked as much as I could with the other trade to try and fix it all while knowing my other work was building up behind me, still no success. They managed to fix it out of hours by changing something we had tested 3-5 times and had passed test every time, with different people testing it.

Obviously boss jumps on this and its all my fault, I've wasted 3 weeks of other people time because I 'didn't do my job properly' I literally did exactly what I was expected to and that the lads with experience would have done.

So that leads us to this week. I'm already down from the ****taking on the shop floor over the last month from previous fault, and another one crops up, reasonably simple but a job i've never done before. I get asked how long its going to take, I reply with 'I'm not sure, its takes as long as it takes'

Next thing I know I'm in the office having to explain why I'm being 'purposefully obstructive' to the maintenance manager, and accused of slowing things down on purpose, none of which is even remotely true. I explain myself as to what I meant and thought that was the end of it. Next day my line manager is called into same office and is told that he needs to 'sort my attitude out' and 'I'm an unworkable idiot'.

So here's the conundrum. All of this abuse is coming from one person in particular. There's no HR action that can be taken as he just bats it off, worse has been raised against him and been dismissed.

But ultimately, for the last 3 weeks I've been dreading going into work at my dream job because of one particular manager and the toxic work environment. I'll never get to do this job again in my life and I love it but sitting up until 2am every night dreading the abuse I'm going to get at 8am isnt easy and its affecting my health now.

To clarify I'm not in a position where I can walk out, I've got 12 months to serve submitting my notice.

So, WTF do I do? As much as I'd like to punching someone in the face is not an option, going to HR is not an option and will likely backfire on me as it has to other people.

Is there any coping mechanism for an abusive workplace?

 

[Boycey0211]

Nope no assistance further up, the guy is like teflon, just denies everything and carries on as normal. No union rep either. I've tried ignoring it but it's just constant, my line manager gets it equally as bad so can't count on him to say anything

 

[Boycey0211]

Aye, the main problem is I'm not good at just shrugging it off, it all gets pent up. If I've done something to cause it then I'll just fix that and go back to being happy but because I've done nothing wrong there's nothing to fix and that's what's pressing on me.

Can't walk out for reasons I'd rather not make clear, and the same reason it's not as simple as me being able to be sacked

 

[Boycey0211]

Thanks all for the replies, today wasn't too bad, only got glared at a few times. I'm on my own next week which is usually when it gets worse so will keep you informed.

Sometimes frank conversations in nuetral environments make the world of difference - so yeah not sabotage

The first time this started happening I actually did this, I had pent it up so long that after a couple of beers I couldn't put up with it. I asked him for a quick chat in private and he agreed. I asked him if he had a personal issue with me and explained the whole needing advice situation I described earlier and it wasn't what it looked like etc. Now I'm not a confrontational person at all and there was no anger in my side of the conversation as to me it was just to clear the air. That got me screamed at about how I was lazy and bone idle.

This sounds like the military. If so, good luck, most of it is like that from my experience. The only solution is to focus on your own progression and make an exit plan. If you're even half decent, you're better off out.

Correct. However in the job I do it doesn't get results, and people working under that sort of pressure make mistakes that are unacceptable. I'm not ready to leave yet, as I love the job I'm doing and in my eyes this is now affecting my own progression as I'm double guessing myself at every decision incase I get bawled at.

For those who will say 'its the military, its supposed to be like that', nope, at least not in this bit of it. I've never met a single person in the last 12 years treat me like this and neither has anyone else, let alone work for them.

 

[Boycey0211]

personally I don't care if he's annoyed but I'm terrified of losing my job because of it, which I know will be the response.

'Oh you're not happy with how I treat you? Well you can go somewhere else then'

hence why its so difficult, that's exactly how I can see it panning out.

 

[Boycey0211]

I seriously can't believe how much this is affecting me. I've been offered help and support from a friend which has been fantastic and taken some weight off my mind and yet im still sat here at 3am panicking about what monday is going to bring.

How the **** can one person have this much mental control over people? It's ridiculous. I feel ashamed of myself for being a weaker person and giving in :/

 

[Boycey0211]

Mate, if you want to speak about this in more detail in private then feel free to send me a PM or a message to my trust address. I might not know the exact situation but I totally understand the dynamic at play here, something I I think is difficult for a civilian to do.

I'll send you a more detailed trust tomorrow, I'm making the best of my weekend that i can so trying not to think about it too much. Thanks though.

Sorry just seen this bit. Out of interest, what service and what rank is the bloke? Who is his superior?

No one is bullet proof, especially in todays pink and fluffy forces.

I'm not willing to clarify details as I don't want it affecting anything. This is far from pink and fluffy, I can and do deal with discipline and standards ect, thats fine. This kind of bull**** isn't.

 

[Boycey0211]

I know its been a couple of weeks since I've updated you all, but its been relatively quiet on the western front so to speak.

So since I started the thread I calmed myself down over the weekend a bit, and luckily that week the person in question was off sick for a couple of days so had no issues whatsoever. Work was enjoyable again.

The following week his favourite target was back in after a period away. I won't go into the details of who or what happened but the end result is the lad came to me asking for advice. I gave him the same info that both people in this thread have suggested (recording meetings, taking notes etc) and gave him the contact number of an intermediary that I had been given. He went to see the said person and has managed to partially resolve the situation.

That leads to this week, and I've been off sick since sunday with my first day back in today (still not feeling great but the team was struggling so wanted to go back in).

Not bad in general, until 4pm when we get four emergency jobs come up that HAVE to be completed by tomorrow morning, myself and my line manager decide to stay as long as it takes to do the tasks, if thats all night then so be it.

Bearing in mind, one of these jobs is guaranteed to be at least 6-8 hours IF it goes well. We split and I take one, he takes the other.

The usual suspect comes out after about 3 hours and asks how we're getting on, my line manager tells him exactly what point we're at. I could hear it from upstairs:

'Thats not bloody good enough, you might aswell get your tools away now if you can't do it, you should have been done by now'

My line manager followed him into the office and I'm not sure whether he raised his voice but he was starting to lose his temper as it was, comes out 5 minutes later and carries on, problem manager follows him and starts helping him so clearly something got through. I have a quick chat with him a few minutes later and apparently its all my fault the tasks aren't finished because I decided to have an 'hour and a half break for dinner'. That break was 4 mins 28 secs according to the youtube vid I watched, combined with 10 minutes for a poop and change of clothes, then 5 minutes drive back to work. Apparently we could have finished the 8 hour job in this time.

Problem guy decides at 9pm he has to go home and leaves us to it, we keep going at hit a major problem that we can't sort until tomorrow morning anyway, and at 10pm lock up ready for the ****storm tomorrow morning.

So to sum it up

• Pull a 14 hour shift instead of 8 which I was expecting to be 16-17 completely voluntarily, wanting to get the job done
• My line manager is yet again talking about how close he is to leaving because of the person, not the work
• Its 'all my fault' because I had an imaginary length dinner break, apparently I shouldnt have had one (didnt ask for it, got told to do it, took it because i knew it would be a long job)
• Know that first thing tomorrow morning I'll get hassled about why it isnt finished, as soon as I walk in, and behind my back to all the other trades (including senior management) it'll be because I'm lazy and stupid.

I reckon you might get a decent update tomorrow night

 

[Boycey0211]

I haven't re-read the thread, but if there's any way you feel you can justify putting this in a formal report in terms of process/safety then you probably should, especially effective if you work directly/indirectly with aircraft. If you're as stressed as you seem to be about this, then it will be affecting your performance and you will be more likely to be making mistakes.

:edit: Also, regardless of what you do in work, I'd go to the padre/chaplain/whatever your service calls them and get this all off your chest. Yeah I know, guys who go squealing and whining to them every time they're asked to do something they don't want to do suck, but again, if this is affecting you as much as it appears, they will listen and offer some advice. They certainly will have spoken to many people in the same situation.

Problem is as everything he does is behind closed doors its impossible to prove until its either recorded secretly or there is a witness, and when there is he just denies all knowledge of anything happening. This has happened twice now to other people unrelated to my treatment. This isn't about not wanting to do anything, its about doing your best and still getting abuse for no reason. If I was failing in certain areas it would be easier to justify.

And yes I work directly with aircraft, if this was getting any closer to affecting my performance then I'll be doing something far more serious about it which im considering, luckily my line manager tries to mitigate the effect he has on us (probably affecting his own performance negatively). Also ultimately (AT THE MOMENT) he is not affecting any of my professional decisions because its all nonsense. the moment that happens I'm walking out.

I'd have blown my lid now, especially if he's claiming you took a 90 minute break which was more like 25 minutes.

Seriously, just stand up to him and tell him that you aren't taking his **** anymore. If he's got a problem, tell him to take it up with you face to face instead of bitching behind closed doors like a little bitch

This has gone on so long now by the time I left work last night I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Its the first time I've actually not given a **** about what he's said because its all so clearly nonsense. Although one way or another this will all come to a head at some point and I will say something, and make damn sure that I wont leave myself out to dry.

 

[Boycey0211]

Actual quote from my line manager today:

'you need to find yourself a project that makes you look good and then he might stop'

This is when I'm doing my job, his job because he is away and his bosses job because he's off. This is mental.

Resignation is going in Monday I think as having anxiety attacks about work on Monday while at home Friday nights isn't even worth double what I'm being paid

 

[Boycey0211]

Any other updates. No job is worth deal with that level of moron and the stress they create for no reason. They eventually start to effect your confidence.

Also replying to @Bengaboy

I'm currently on a week's leave moving the Mrs into our home so been stressful in other ways hence the lack of reply.

The relief I felt leaving on Friday night (albeit some started early and others worked late to meet targets) was amazing. Just realising I had a week away from it made me feel like a new person.

As he was leaving I got a thumbs up from the person in question and a 'good job' comment and I just replied 'yeah' with no meaning as I know he only means it because we've hit targets.

That week I was supposed to take over my bosses job, I spoke to my colleague and he agreed to take the lead in order to 'take the hit' in his own words. He did, and all the comments apparently were directed towards me with much eyerolling and tutting. In my colleagues own words 'ive got no idea why hes going after you so hard but he is'

Service complaint can't be done due to lack of evidence, he knows this as it isn't the first he's had against him so he knows the process. It's happened in my workplace recently and got smashed as he made the guy raising the complaint look like the bad guy.

 

[Boycey0211]

I should probably note that the week before where I worked until 10pm to try and sort stuff out and got accused of having a long dinner break, the lad who came in the next day and finished part of the job got called into the office and congratulated for his work.

Next day he asked me if I had been told anything, nope nothing whatsoever apart from 'find a project to make myself look good to get less abuse'.

He's made a point to raise it at every opportunity in a public place to get me to explain it (note, I normally keep personal emotion stuff to a minimum at work).

It's worked, there's been 3 or 4 people over the last week I was in work notice what's going on. All powerless to help but it's witnesses I suppose

 

[Boycey0211]

There is evidence if more than one person is putting in a complaint... if your oppos that see this happen don't back you up - then that's terrible.

If you like, send me a message on trust and we can discuss further - but this is a classic service complaint case. The only reason why I think you wouldn't go down that route is if you are not as bulletproof as you are making out.

(I know that sounds harsh btw - not trying to be a douche intentionally!)

You're sort of on point. Half the reason I've not done anything before is because I constantly doubt myself and think that maybe it is me at fault, since a couple of weeks before I created the thread it became obvious I wasn't just being fragile.

Like I've said before, only reason I've not gone down the official route yet is because I've got zero evidence of anything actually being said or done, and as proved the last time one of the lads did that he just denies everything and walked away scot free.

And also I'm not trying to nail him to the wall, it just needs to stop. I understand where you're coming from though and no offence taken, I'm trying to make myself bulletproof by recording all events etc.

 

[Boycey0211]

Have you tried mediation? I believe a SNCO or Officer from another unit would come in to mediate. Alternatively I would speak to welfare.

Again, I need proof of any wrongdoing which at this stage is impossible to prove.

I might take up that welfare option though, as all the other channels including medical all lead to the same conclusion that I have no 'proof'.

I'm trying my hardest not to go sick as that would leave one other guy taking all the stuff I'm dealing with and I don't want that on him, although he's now been making enquiries to leave as he's had enough.

Plus on top of that if I go sick I'll probably get deemed as 'unfit to cope' in that post and will lose my dream job that I'm perfectly capable of doing when i'm not under this ridiculous regime.

On another note I really appreciate all the comments in this thread, its probably taking 10% of the stress of it all being able to at least talk about whats going on. I've re-read all my own posts time and time again to make sure I'm not embellishing details and its all 100% accurate. So far this is my only written account of what has/is happening/ed and I feel like I'd be happy to send a link to someone as my account of things.

 

[Boycey0211]

I am a proponent of looking after number 1, what you say about not dumping everything on the remaining guy is admirable, but it's not looking out for your best interests.

You shouldn't have to go into work to be bullied, you shouldn't have to accept the stress and anxiety that comes with that.

Getting signed off should be seen as a tool for your ammo belt, I'd not use it lightly personally, but if you can't get anything done in any official capacity I would definitely leverage it. It would at least give you some respite and time to think things through properly.

If you do nothing, then nothing will change.

I can't leave him to take the fall as this has been his life for the last 20 years. I'm not prepared to use going sick as a tool in the slightest, when I say its affecting my health it really is. Without going to the doctor (which at this rate I'm going to have to in the next couple of days) its ticking all the severe symptoms of stress. But at the same time I can't be on sick leave and be worrying about the lads i've left in work as thats what i do anyway.

I appreciate the 'do nothing expect nothing' but with respect to the service, in my opinion nothing will change as a result of any complaint, and if anything I will lose my job.

 

[Boycey0211]

Apologies for staying quiet for a while in here, there has been developments which I can't reveal here unfortunately not relating to my issues.

However, I have voiced my concerns to the powers that be and had a useful chat about options open to me whatever action I decide to take. At the moment things have improved but I'm still not in a great place and I'm not dropping it.

I don't know you, i don't know your situation, but what i do know:

• there are 2 sides to every story
• if you are RAF/Military, there are MANY options available to you.

You are coming across as young and naive and a bit of a snow-flake. There are many, many options available to you, it is up to you to do something about it. Speaking with your Chf Clk, WO PMS will start the ball rolling.

Yep, I've considered the options and looked into all the ones you've listed already, problem is this blokes nickname is teflon man for a reason. You're right, there are always two sides, but I'm not the only one going through this so I'd wager I might be in the right.

I'm 32 so not a newbie, naive maybe as I've never encountered someone as bad as this in all my working life and never even known of anyone else having a complaint put in against them either military or civilian. As for snow-flake I assumed I was being, hence why I sat on it and did nothing for 12 months prior to creating this thread.

I'm aware theres plenty I could do to get away from it, but the ultimate immediate solution (that PSF etc would suggest) would be a posting and for me to leave my dream job after working hard to get to it that's giving in to me and I may aswell just leave the forces now. I'm not prepared to do that over one ****hole.

Had a chat with my line manager last week before raising my concerns with management and he's agreed that he'll back me up, which is a step forwards as previously I was convinced he wouldn't. I'd like to think that if I was being unreasonable he would have tried to sort that out, but as he's in the same position as me I don't think its just me being fragile.

 

[Boycey0211]

Sounds a crap situation however, you say you're 32? So cpl or sgt? You say you line manager is in the same situation? So sgt/fs? Why isn't he stepping up and 'educating' the boss he is being a dick?

Sounds like weak management all around and so perhaps if a grown up chat isn't happening then stn authorities need to be informed.

Because the moment anyone shows weakness/steps up they are threatened with career moves. All of this is behind a closed door so theres no witnesses and as much as I keep telling people to record conversations they won't.

And of course stn authorities cant do anything without proof.

 

[Boycey0211]

Just a quick update for those interested.

Theres other stuff going on behind the scenes unrelated to me which I can't divulge, however I have made my senior management aware of my issues.

Nothing untoward has happened for a number of weeks, I'm happy going in to work and my line manager is back to his normal happy self and its amazing, its like a whole new workplace, the place I started at. Person is question has not really spoken to either of us and its fantastic.

Time will tell how long this lasts, fingers crossed forever.

 

[Boycey0211]

Update for those who would like to read....

I've been struggling in general with a complete lack of self worth with moving into an instructoral role at the same place since my last post, it's not what I do as I'm an on the tools guy at heart.

So, the initial problems in my OP are no longer current, I've had no issues with said individual since my last post, he is actually due to leave very soon.

However, my personal stress levels never reduced. This led to in February this year me breaking down under the question 'is something wrong' and I just couldn't hide it any more.

I've been on medication since then for anxiety, and apart from making me twice as good at PC games I feel like nothing has changed apart from I dont give a flying **** about anything.

If anything since then I've taken up more work, skipped lunch breaks etc as the role I've been moved into is the one people punt stuff into if they cant be bothered doing it themselves.

Long road ahead.

 

[Boycey0211]

Echo this, life is precious, it's not worth all the BS. Look after yourself.

Thank you both. I'm lucky that my Mrs is extremely supportive and understanding, and that my current management are sort of aware of the thoughts going through my head.

Looking back I don't recognise the person I was three years ago which makes me saddest