Skipping round your sarcasm for a momentBecause consistency isn't what the client pays for...

Visual consistency doesn't come into it.
In fact, the two are mutually exclusive for all but the plainest of creatives.
The problem lies with the client's initial expectations which, as you imply, are "this must look identical in all email clients".
The solution lies in informing the clients that the only way to do this is to send their email as one big image. Further, inform them that as a consequence of near-universal image-blocking/substitution their recipients will be presented with an ostensibly blank email.
"That's if it gets past an ESP's spam filters for image/text ratio imbalance in the first place", you add, finally.
I've had clients who've accepted this, and clients who haven't. Of those who haven't, I can recall a number of occasions where these clients have taken their business away in a huff only to come back sheepishly at a later date when their campaigns haven't seen the success they were expecting because another designer kowtowed to the client's naive expectations.
I would counter that it's more silly to salary a developer a goodly sum to produce absolute pixel-perfect cross-browser consistency. Especially when some of these browsers are seeing an irreversible decline in use.That's as silly as saying don't bother making a website look the same in IE6 [...]
And it's not just me who thinks it's more silly to strive for pixel perfection:
http://boagworld.com/design/letgo/
http://forabeautifulweb.com/blog/about/five_css_design_browser_differences_i_can_live_with/
Do you actually know how many people are using Outlook 2007? 50%? 30%? 15%, perhaps? No, it can't be as low as that, otherwise email designers and developers wouldn't be so up in arms and changing their working practices to accommodate it.you just have to as a lot of people will be using Outlook 2007. It does cause problems but you can't just ignore it and its not impossible to get it looking the same in the majority of the most used mail clients.
6.1%.
Now of course there are caveats to their findings, but it's still the most comprehensive study you'll likely encounter to date.
And yes, 2007 use is certain to increase as time rolls on. But I don't think it'll ever be the dominant email client, and certainly not something to design for at the detriment of others.
Yes you can. It ignores some declarations, and misinterprets others, but as long as you design with sensitivity to 2007's idiosyncrasies, you can come up with creatives that look good in 2007 and better in more style-tolerant email clients.The only difference I've come across when coding for Outlook 2007 when compared to other mail clients is that you can't use CSS.
As with all things internet-design-related, the golden phrase is: graceful degradation.
In order to provide the recipient with something visually interesting, or to stay within a brand's guidelines and visual 'voice', designers are frequently made to come up with something ridiculousMake everything using raw tables, using nested tables, v-align, td's, tr's, font size. Its quite possible to get it looking very near identical to the design this way, unless you're designer has made something ridiculous!

You're right about using most of the HTML elements you mention, though, yes. Font "SIZE", for instance, should be employed, but only as a fallback for those email clients that can't interpret inline CSS font-size declarations.
But you have much less control over typography with HTML element parameters alone than when employing CSS. What about letter spacing? Line height? Small caps?
Ooh, I wouldn't rely on empty TDs, especially when it comes to height declarations! Some email clients collapse them no matter what.To get it looking the same you need to make compromises, you can't use background images, so use a solid colour. You cant use padding and margins, so use empty td's with set widths/height for spacing.
If you do have to design your emails this way - or if you're just an unfortunate coder who's been handed an approved design - then the only way to guarantee proportions is to use the dreaded spacer gifs.
Also, you can use background images, but (a) make damn sure there's nothing important and exclusive within the image, and (b) use an appropriate solid colour for the background in case it's not displayed [not just 2007, but also Hotmail, annoyingly].
Why visually cripple an email for everyone to pander to a minority? As I pointed out earlier [much earlier!], designing for consistency for the lowest common denominator only results in everyone getting exceedingly unengaging emails.
I do do it properly. I've been doing it - and by it, I mean designing and coding HTML emails while advising clients on how to achieve more successful email campaigns - properly day in, day out for six yearsIt isn't that hard if the client is paying then try and do it properly!

Anyway, suarve... I'm sure that helps
