I feel down.

St0rmer66 said:
I've told her I'm not gonna do that anymore. I can already feel myself wanting to go do it again though. I'm gonna make an effort not to. It's half term next week and she's going down to Derby to see her Mum for the week so I won't be seeing her then.

If the self pitty phase came again then I would probably cut all contact completely rather than try and fix it again. If this is just a one-off thing then I do think it's worth fixing. If she was to keep doing this then I would realise and just let go.. I can't stand being messed around on purpose (I don't think she's doing it on purpose at this stage though).
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ah thats the first time she done the self pitty thing then?

Give her another chance if she comes back, but there is a big chance that it will come again.

Another thing you have to realise about them sort of people is that they arent themselves when they are depressed \ unstable \ low self esteam etc . The ones that I have known lap up the attention, a couple of years later they change all together and dont make much effort with you again and start hanging around with a different group of mates (Iv seen that happen a lot of times to friends)

If you stay with her, you have to accept that its going to take a long long time for her to get any better, maybe 2 years? maybe 5? The big question is, can you be bothered with it all?
 
cleanbluesky said:
When someone is scared then trying to make them feel silly or think they are being silly wont help.

In situations I've been like this, patience is the order of the day. Constantly re-inforce the idea that what she fears isn't the case (although don't lie to her if you think her fears are real either)... but be patient - you will find simple plain repetition will work a lot better than pulling a face or being sarcastic or getting angry.
You cannot force her to let go. She might let go with the help of someone she trusts.
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OK, so I made a mistake on that! I think I'll have a word with her tommorrow about it. After you saying this to me, it actually does make a lot more sense. I didn't think of it in the sense of her being "scared" as such before.

I have already said to her that she won't get hurt by me but her argument is that "circumstances can change people, my mum has told me that after what happened with my dad". I'll try keep telling her though.

I know I can't force her, I want to help her let go herself.
 
FishThrower said:
ah thats the first time she done the self pitty thing then?

Give her another chance if she comes back, but there is a big chance that it will come again.
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Yes it's the first time.

Your post has made me realise something again though, it is MY choice still. I felt like I was just being carried along by all of this and I had no control, but I DO. I need to turn this round and start thinking of it that way. Through all this it's started feeling like it's my problem, but it isn't; she's the one with the problem, not me. Yes I want to help her, but at the end of the day, I'm the one who will come out of it fine either way.
 
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I am in a similar situation St0rmer66 and you are right, it is hard to just block it out of your mind and think about something else :)

Just step back, give her some space but let her know you will always be there as a friend at least. If she ever wants more, she will come to you.

Just be gratefull that you have a friendship with her.
 
She probably wants to date someone else without losing you so she will try others out and then come back to you (your her backup plan). Meh, women.
 
Emotions are a strange thing. We spend most of our lives trying to overcome them, or fighting against them but all we really need to do to win is to relax.

Let that which does not matter Truly Slide...
 
St0rmer66 said:
I hate to ask, but can you explain that to me? It's really not making any sense to me right now. It's a bit vague and I can't figure out what you're trying to say..
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Im saying relax. Its much easier to solve things if you are relaxed. You think clearly when you are relaxed. But its the hardest thing to do when you are telling yourself how important it is and how you MUST do something...
 
cleanbluesky said:
Im saying relax. Its much easier to solve things if you are relaxed. You think clearly when you are relaxed. But its the hardest thing to do when you are telling yourself how important it is and how you MUST do something...
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Okay, makes sense now. You're right it is, and normally in these situation I would be the person giving that exact advice. It's so easy to just get caught up in it all and forget what I know I should be doing.

I do feel a lot better than I did earlier, but I'm certainly not over it yet!
 
That's just it, isn't it? I think so, anyway. Even in the midst of my recent "relationship" woes (a slightly depressing story that I won't go into here), the logical part of my mind was telling me "why the hell are you getting so worked up over this? Just relax for a minute", but it was completely impossible to put into action. I am indeed much more relaxed in the last few days than I have been for some time - most often all these things take is a little bit of time.
 
St0rmer66 said:
Yes it's the first time.

Your post has made me realise something again though, it is MY choice still. I felt like I was just being carried along by all of this and I had no control, but I DO. I need to turn this round and start thinking of it that way. Through all this it's started feeling like it's my problem, but it isn't; she's the one with the problem, not me. Yes I want to help her, but at the end of the day, I'm the one who will come out of it fine either way.
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oh yeah defo, this aint your fault mate, its her with the problem, theres only very little you can do to help people like that, just support her, but she has to help herself to feel better, she has to stop whinging and stop being the victim, then she will get somewhere, if she keeps feeling sorry for herself, she wont get better
 
Hey Stormer, have been reading this thread, it appearsto me you really love the lady in question. I know exactly what your going through at the moment as I've been in the situation your in myself recently when I was with my ex Carrie.

Similar situation to your girl I guess, troubled background with a whole host of mental issues, and yes at first I could look beyond all the baggage and problems, but it really began to become a real strain in the end. I'd come home from work or even start my shift knowing that she was upset and I couldn't do anything about it when I was at work, and when i wasn't with her felt awful. Little did I realise all she was doing was attention seeking (not that I'm saying thats whats happening here)

But the things I had to deal with, was her self harming, leading me to the edge of cliffs, paracetemol over does, at one point I was literally staring at a knife blade because I'd dared to defy her and not play her games anymore.

Anyway the above isn't helping you, but it does looklike she needs ot help herself, and if she won't do that then she won't get better, and that won't help you either. You just end up in the same viscious circle, going round and round, same old problems. At the end of the day mate you have to take yourself out the situation. The stress of it all can't be doing you any good. Walk out mate, I know it's hard but better in the long run.

It's that self pitty card that will eventually throw the switch, I know it did me.

If you wanna chat anytime, my e-mail and msn is in my trust
 
this seems a difficult situation my friend, ultimately its her decision. Dont let it get you down for you are young (i think) and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Life is too short for waisting it on the people who will not be good to your heart.
 
Its the worst feeling ever when you break up with someone, for whatever reason. Its never clear cut, and theres always loads of crazy stuff going through your head.

Having said that, it happens to everybody, even the very best guys. Its going to happen to you again and again (you WILL have other girlfriends, nothings surer!!). These things are a normal part of life, and while it always sucks, you'll become far better at dealing with it as you get more experianced.

Give her a call and see if you can rescue this. If you can't, then what the hey, at least you gave it a try and did everything right. Chin up and chest out - help yourself get over it by doing something with your free time. Take up a new sport or something. It sounds cheesy, but these things really keep your mind off your troubles, and open up great possibilities for your social life too.
 
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