cleanbluesky said:
My present understanding:
One person wants the other more than the other wants them, hence that person has control.
My question is, how can the person who desires them more regain control?
OK, firstly you have to understand
why one person desires another.
This is a very complicated subject, and by no means a closed book, despite I'm sure a lot of research. In no particular order, attractive traits in a male, for female tend to be:-
Perceived social status
Perceived physical attractiveness
Personality traits - specifically confidence and leadership (which tend to be traits of an "alpha male") but also a sense of humour, sensitivity and kindness. Whilst the latter few traits don't necessarily go hand-in-hand with the former, and in some cases can be mutually exclusive, but that's not an absolute.
I mentioned "perceived" social status and "perceived" physical attractiveness, because these things are not set in stone and are not absolute, only relative. You can make yourself much more attractive simply by surrounding yourself with lots of other cool people. Social proof is a very very powerful tool, and a friend of mine uses it to massive effect whenever he is out and about - an example might be if you know a lot of the bar staff or regulars in a pub or bar, and they're all very friendly with you, saying "hi", shaking hands etc... and a girl you're with notices this. It puts across the impression that you are a popular, social guy.
Generally, if you like somebody, more than they like you then you should probably avoid conveying this information. You can do this by portraying yourself as a non-needy, sociable, attractive guy. Going out in a large group of friends to a club, where you ideally introduce this other person into your various social circles is powerful...
There's also one more aspect that has been touched upon earlier in this thread, and that is attainability. Does she think that she can have you and your undivided attention, whenever she wishes? At the end of the day, that is when they really have power over you. I've been in this situation with women before, and it's a subconscious thing where i've just been compelled to be almost submissive about being convenient and fitting into their plans. In other words, your life cannot revolve around them, and the only way to get past this is to live an active social life, with options all around you. This also ties in with what I said earlier - by simply having lots of female friends, you become less needy. You become less fixated on a single person, and this puts you in a stronger position.
I hope I haven't gone on for too long... I've been working with some good friends on various projects in this kind of area for nearly a year now...
