If you cant say anything nice...

cleanbluesky

cleanbluesky

cleanbluesky

Soldato
Joined
2 Nov 2004
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"If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all"

I've been thinking about this recently. We know that there are going to be things that we dislike about even people who we like or love. Should we talk to other people about these things?

If one person brings it up in conversation about another person - would it be okay to talk about it. Its not like you can deny that you dislike that aspect of a person, so why not discuss it - as long as you aren't insulting that person?
 
along similar principles to the fact we all go around lying all day long. it's a natural social mechanism. apparently.
 
We had a girl at work she was really nice and everyone got on with her. Then one day her boyfriend dumped her for another girl and ran off to egypt with his new girl. The girl was really sad and we understood but she couldnt stop talking about him and kept distarcting us. We put up for this for about a week then it started to get on are nerves and this went on for months. We all started talking about her and making jokes. This brought everyone together and the whole work place was more friendly. Whenever we saw her we would just run for it :p
But on a serious note she was going a bit mad being sooo depressed about him she just wouldnt shut up. It wouldnt be so bad if are work didnt have to be performanced analysed. To stay at work we had to keep to a work percenatage of 75% to 85%. She was like getting 40% and lost her job but it just serves you right really.
 
Ghost in the Shell said:
well strikes me as rude.... was just trying to share something i found fun to be honest i wont bother again not in this forum :confused:
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Its nothing personal. It was rude (which is why I deleted my rude comment) but everyone get the same treatment. The game you posted was very popular 6 months ago...

Rest assured I have had similar treatment in the past, much as anyone posting on Chuck Norris now would have....
 
cleanbluesky said:
Its nothing personal. It was rude (which is why I deleted my rude comment) but everyone get the same treatment. The game you posted was very popular 6 months ago...

Rest assured I have had similar treatment in the past, much as anyone posting on Chuck Norris now would have....
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Yeps, I thought it was/is a poor thread too. I installed shockwave for ff on my mum's laptop just to see that. still wont work though so I had to use ie :( All just for that stupid club-a-penguin game :/


edit: at least the title has been edited now :)
 
In social situations I don't believe it applies, in business, I'm all for it.

Of course, in social situations I'm not outright rude to a person unless I feel the need.
 
Well my social ineptitude stems from the fact that I am a total ass crevace towards others and thus I belive, in essence, that not criticising is the only way to get along in this world succesfully, being opena nd truthful matters little.
 
bakes0310 said:
We had a girl at work she was really nice and everyone got on with her. Then one day her boyfriend dumped her for another girl and ran off to egypt with his new girl. The girl was really sad and we understood but she couldnt stop talking about him and kept distarcting us. We put up for this for about a week then it started to get on are nerves and this went on for months. We all started talking about her and making jokes. This brought everyone together and the whole work place was more friendly. Whenever we saw her we would just run for it :p
But on a serious note she was going a bit mad being sooo depressed about him she just wouldnt shut up. It wouldnt be so bad if are work didnt have to be performanced analysed. To stay at work we had to keep to a work percenatage of 75% to 85%. She was like getting 40% and lost her job but it just serves you right really.
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Sounds a bit harsh on her really. Yes it was annoying for her to keep going on about him, but why did you all snigger behind her back instead of talking to her about it?

That's what I hate the most about my workplace, everyone moans about people behind their back. I just feel like telling them to **** off and tell them not me, but then I'd lose my job. :D
 
Amleto said:
Of course it always depends on the context. Sometimes you just need to be cruel to be kind.
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There's a distinct difference between being honest and being rude and/or cruel.

If someone asks you if you think they're fat, it's just as easy to say "you could do with losing a few pounds" as it is to say "Jesus lardarse, you're blocking the sun".

Both answers may be truthful but one will possibly disappoint the other person, the other will offend them.

It isn't rude to discuss someone's faults, it is the way in which it is phrased that determines whether it is rudeness or constructive critiscism.

Stan :)
 
cleanbluesky said:
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all"

I've been thinking about this recently. We know that there are going to be things that we dislike about even people who we like or love. Should we talk to other people about these things?
Click to expand...

It depends on the person really. I have tried to help some friends at work with tactfully worded advice, however this has always backfired with them having a personal vendetta against me. So now I don't bother, and I let them carry on and let them make an ass of themselves infront of management/external people. I do think this is a harsh thing to do, but this way its their own problem and I don't get dragged into it.

If one person brings it up in conversation about another person - would it be okay to talk about it. Its not like you can deny that you dislike that aspect of a person, so why not discuss it - as long as you aren't insulting that person?
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I will chat about someone else, but I am wary of stepping on the "what do you think of X" question. Its mainly due to how well I know the person I am chatting with.

For example someone joined the project at work and asked me exactly that question, and I avoided it. I left it for a month or so and then when they asked again I gave an honest opinion of person X. We both came to the same conclusion (that person X is an ass) but that way I let them make up their own mind without being too forward.
 
Hmm interesting point raised by the OP.

I believe it to be kind to the person in telling them if they have an aspect of their personality that is considered "bad" by the majority. If I had something about me that people didnt like, id rather someone told me about it as soon as possible. Although it wouldnt be very nice eharing it in the first place, i believe it to be a good thing for myself and everyone else in the long run. Of course it depends on the person that you are telling, and they might not take it the way it is intended, or resent you for telling them. The irony is, with people like that, telling them they have a problem taking constructive critiscism (SP?) wouldnt work simply due to the initial problem.

Anyway, I think the thing is, it depends how one tells the person they have the problem with. If they say it in a nasty way, the person is going to think that they are just being spitefull, and not take it the right way. However if the approach is different, one might get different results.

So in terms of the original Quote "if you cant say...... blah blah" I think that informing someone of something that is, i hate to say, wrong about them, can be a good thing as long as it comes from the right path, and has the correct intention.

Woody

EDIT:

I totally agree with your second paragraph Zirax, Ditto for me i think.
 
On my monitor at work I have sellotapted to it "If you can't be nice, at least have the decency to be vauge" which I find gets me through the day many a time.
 
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