I'm for it chaps.....

[Castiel]

I took a day off so I could do some Christmas Shopping and do this list of things my wife has given me to complete.

Simple stuff like a bit of banking, pay the car tax and a little shopping, also a bit of housework as the cleaner is on holiday this month.

Well, she is due home in around 20 minutes and I have done the sum total of nada, zilch, nothing.

I have spent my entire day chatting about nonsense on the OCuk forums.

So suggestions please, how do I get out of the mess I find myself in.....


(not for the first time, I might add)

 

[Castiel]

Well, you can start by getting off the forums.

I got 17 minutes or so yet....

 

[Castiel]

Don't be there when she returns, roll up about midnight stinking of ale.

I've done that in the past. Needless to say it didn't have the required effect.

head down the shops now fool! most places will be open for a good few hours, run the hoover around and leave it out, hide any other mess and complete in the morning.

I can't be asked, besides I was supposed to be done by the time she got home. I might sabotage the car and say I could go anywhere.

as soon as she comes through the door, jump on her for sexy time. get very active, knocking things over, throwing cushions on the floor.

afterwards, mention that it was all nice and tidy before she got home, then put the tv on and say 'merry christmas'.

sorted.

Genius....

 

[Castiel]

Get off the forum and start on the housework NOW ... no time like the present.

Rgds

I've got my eleven year old dusting right now, I'm going for the hoover (if I can find it).

 

[Castiel]

Grow a pair and carry on as you were.

That seems to be the plan because, A...I keep checking the forum, I cant help myself, B...I can't find the damned hoover and C... she is just pulling up the drive as we speak.

 

[Castiel]

Well I'm still here...

Here's what I told her.

The cleaning was easy, I simply said I thought it was time that our Son was taught the essence of work and responsibility and that house chores was as good a place to start as any.

This meant that I had to wait until he finished school to instruct him. He looked at me as though I was mad and told his Mum that Daddy said he had to clean up quick before Mummy got home, so that killed that one.

Car-tax and Banking, I said that as we could go into town for lunch tomorrow (on me of course) we could do the banking and get the car-tax on the way, it would save petrol and time.

Her reply to my ingenious explanation was this...

"What you mean is that you have been on your computer and watched TV all day"

so I am now in the doghouse and lunch tomorrow is going to darned expensive.

 

[Castiel]

You're an ex-marine man! Be resourceful!

Trust me, no amount of commando training can prepare you for THE WIFE on a rampage.

 

[Castiel]

Haha busted. Her lie detector is obviously working with zero defects.

Why o why you didn't just arrange yourself in a heap, at the bottom of the stairs i don't know

Neither do I, neither do I....

 

[Castiel]

This always irritates the **** out of me. My other half has every Thursday off, and I don't give her any jobs. If I take a random day off work, a list magically appears out of nowhere. I can fill my time just fine thanks!

The same is true here, however her argument is that if she didn't do it, no-one would.

Well they would, because I would hire someone to do it, as I originally did when I hired the cleaner when she moaned I didn't do enough around the house quite a few years ago.

 

[Castiel]

I love how even after it goes to the wall, he just pops back onto OcUk!


"..meh, can't get much more annoyed than she is now..**click**"

She's making me a cup of tea right now!

I'll pay for it tomorrow financially I'm sure.

 

[Castiel]

Sounds very familiar. Been there, done that and seen the movie.

Just take her to Burger King.

Haha, If I went anywhere near burger king I would really be in the doodoo.

At the moment she is only mildly irritated as she didn't actually expect me to do anything, or so she tells me.

Personally I think she is lulling me into a false sense of security....

 

[Castiel]

She is cheating on you.

Sorry.

That's ok, gives me more time to do other stuff.

 

[Castiel]

She is. You’d better be ready with the plastic tomorrow when she says “oh I really like that”. She’ll say it quietly so don’t miss it.

It's already begun. I've got to sit through some daft film now.

 

[Castiel]

I get this everytime I'm off work and does the list get done, very rarely, although I have learnt to do at least some things to soften the rage a little.

Today is a good example, I should've sorted out photos to print, bills and accounts, organise some bits in the house and a few other things. Did anything get done, nope

Damn, the Photos. I forgot about those....crap!

 

[Castiel]

You haven't a moment to lose.

Trash the house then lie on your back and liberally apply tomato sauce to your body.

Moan and groan when she comes in then say you have been robbed.

When she phones the cops, tell her not to bother as the OcUK massive say they will do nothing.

If I thought for one minute she was that daft, I'd do it.

 

[Castiel]

Since when does buying Lunch include a new pair of £400 Boots and a £200 Jacket?


I've been screwed. Still she looks pretty hot in the boots.....

 

[Castiel]

Is she wearing anything else?

Is that when she's only wearing the boots?

*edit* beaten!

That would be telling now wouldn't it......

 

[Castiel]

Hahahahahahahaha.

£600 fine for not doing the housework.

You've been had.

You might as well hand your manhood in. You've got no need for it.

Don't worry, I'll remember the £600 spent, she won't remember the reason for it and when the next bit of PC kit comes along that I really NEED, then I have ammunition.

The long game mate, that's what you need to consider.

 

[Castiel]

Wrong.

Women always remember reasons then bring them up in an argument n-months down the line.

Not my wife, I've been married 15 years or so and she will forget the exact reasons pretty quick, she'll remember there was some reason for it but not what and then I'll strike.....

She's got to remember what I'm supposed to do on a daily basis, remind me of appointments, holidays, socials and so on.... let alone whether I actually did them 6 months ago or not.

 

[Castiel]

You have an odd relationship. Spending £600 on her because you failed to do the tasks means you get to spend £600 on yourself at some point in the future.

Only because she will forget that I failed to do those tasks if enough time goes by...


(our relationship doesn't actually work like that, I buy/she buys whatever we want My not doing something she didn't actually expect me to do anyway is just an excuse to justify excessive spending on a pair of furry boots.)