Is this considered shallow or not?

agnes said:
Ha, oddly, I'm dating, or in fact was dating a uni student in her final year and I couldn't help but notice the totally relaxed view and most of the time, childish input into life. I'm 25, she is 22. 3 years ago I was earning a lot of money in a really good job with a house that I rent with a partner (which has now gone).

I find it hard to think she will take much seriously after uni so on that basis I have backed off a bit and we are keeping to friends (yet to tell her that...).

So no, it's not shallow. I would prefer to meet someone who has plans, going somewhere, independent, strong and knows what they want in life. Not someone who has no clue how the world works and thinks money magically appears from nowehere.
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That is the exact response I was hoping for :)
 
Clov!s said:
That is the exact response I was hoping for :)
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Cool, I do think it's not shallow. People also actively look for laid back and lazy people.

At the moment, I'm driven on my traveling plans. I'm contracting bringing in a tonne of money and I want someone the same, driven to a goal.
 
Imo it does make you a bit shallow.

1.Not everyone can find/get a full time job!
2.Car=not everyone drives!

Personally,i couldn't care less..of course you wouldn't want to be stuck with a lady that's lazy and wont work etc..but just saying you wouldn't go with a girl because she doesn't work full time or have her own car is just daft imo.
 
What would you do if the other half fell ill during your time together, are we saying just dump them because they can't work or support themselves, i think the op has some growing up to do first.
 
I know it's a different debate, but part-time jobs are becoming the thing nowadays. People are losing jobs because computers are taking over the roles that were once human. So it makes sense to reduce hours of existing jobs so that it provides more vacancies. Give it a few decades and a 3-day working week will be the norm.

As for car ownership, some people aren't able to drive. I'm for sure got ruled out by my eye doctor because I can only see the first 3 rows on the eyesight test... with my lens in!
 
I only go out with the ones I think are fit. Does that make me shallow?
 
Spook187 said:
What would you do if the other half fell ill during your time together, are we saying just dump them because they can't work or support themselves, i think the op has some growing up to do first.
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You are missing the point entirely, that circumstance has no effect on attraction or anything, a true partner would stick by no matter what.

What the OP and it seems I'm trying to say is, motivation, drive and goals. Not someone who is lazy by nature. Not just because they are unemployed.

OP might have portrayed that slightly wrong, but I think he will agree, if he went on a date with a ummm, I don't know, a vet. And she said, "I'm unemployed due to the vets closing down, looking for a job though". That wouldn't matter or play part in the whole picture because she has something, it's just unfortunate.

However, on a date and the girl says "I don't work, I have been using benefits for a while now so don't see the point in working, get by just fine". Then no... That to me is a turn off.

That is not shallow. It's picking someone with the above, motivation drive and ambition to better them self and show independence. I find that very attractive.
 
Clov!s said:
Having a discussion at work about the type's of people we would date.

I said i wouldn't go for a girl who didn't work full time and have her own things, like car, money etc as i wouldn't want her depending on me.

Does that make me shallow?
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Why would it make you shallow to have preferences? :confused:

And in whose eyes are you shallow and why do you care?

I don't date outside my racial boundary (white girls only), I don't date women with children, I don't date women long term unemployed. And quite a few more. I truly cannot even begin to care what 'people' may think. My life, my preferences.
 
If you're successful and driven yourself then it simply makes sense that you would look for a partner who is similarly so. Admiration is a big part of a relationship i admired my wife when we met for being successful and determined, i admired her when she stopped working for years to raise our kids and i admire her now for having the strength to take her old career by the balls and plunge back in. I could never have admired someone who didn't have goals much less reach for them and any relationship with someone like that would have ended long before marriage or kids and been a waste of time.

Love isn't just feeling cosy on the couch. It needs respect.
 
Spook187 said:
What would you do if the other half fell ill during your time together, are we saying just dump them because they can't work or support themselves, i think the op has some growing up to do first.
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No not at all. That's taking what i said way out of proportion.

What i was trying to say in my OP, was that i find i'm more attracted to women who have goals in life and are going somewhere, rather than woman who have no desire to better themselves in their job or personal life.
 
If those requirements make you shallow then that also makes about 90% of women shallow because they have similar requirements.
 
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