It's old, almost certainly a repost...am i bovvard tho?!

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vonhelmet said:
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
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I don't know why but that just seems really funny to me. :D
 
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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ROFLOL. Some classics there! :p

A few weeks ago i wouldnt have though the flight attendants ones were real but after a flight to innsbruck i can attest to the fact you do get comments like that.

And for the OP i have seen that before but it was slightly different, it was a US airforce report not quantas. So funny though.
 
Comments like that really are written on gripe sheets, trust me on this one. The relationship between aircrew and groundcrew is quite a ....unique one ;)

Easyjet Crew said:
We would once again like to thank you for flying with us today. If you have enjoyed your flight with us we hope you will choose to fly with us again soon. If you didn't, please visit our complaints page at www.ryanair.com
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Radio intercept between a Fighter pilot and his escortee, a cargo-hauler.

Fighter Pilot: "Hey Hauler, Look what i can do"
*fighter pilot does some nifty rolls, afterburners forward at ~500Km/h and throttles back*
Fighter Pilot: "Well, what'cha think?"

Hauler: "well that was quite cool, but look what i can do"
*no further radio trans. for 15mins"

Hauler:"What'cha think of that?
Fighter Pilot: "what did you do?"
Hauler: "i went to the loo and had a cup of tea and biccies. any other questions?"

Pwnage.
 
Some more:



In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California, 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."

"90 knots" Center replied.

"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."

"120 knots," Center answered.

"We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout.'

"There was a slight pause, then the response, 525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison." "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

"No further inquiries were heard on that frequency"

----------------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft).
The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"

"The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."

He was cleared...

-----------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".

-----------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
 
Aod said:
Radio intercept between a Fighter pilot and his escortee, a cargo-hauler.

Fighter Pilot: "Hey Hauler, Look what i can do"
*fighter pilot does some nifty rolls, afterburners forward at ~500Km/h and throttles back*
Fighter Pilot: "Well, what'cha think?"

Hauler: "well that was quite cool, but look what i can do"
*no further radio trans. for 15mins"

Hauler:"What'cha think of that?
Fighter Pilot: "what did you do?"
Hauler: "i went to the loo and had a cup of tea and biccies. any other questions?"

Pwnage.
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I've heard a similar one with the cargo pilot shutting off two engines.
 
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".
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Brilliant stuff :D
 
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