Joke Thread

cm1179 said:
Was chatting up a Gypsy bird in the pub last night, when she asked if id like to go back to her place and have a good time, she wasnt kidding. I went on the waltzers, the dodgems, the ghost train. I even came home with a goldfish!
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I have to admit, I actually laughed at that one.
 
gobbo said:
Step_Ladder.jpg
<- They aren't my real ladders, they're just my step ladders
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2* - GTFO


















:D

- GP
 
Three men in a pub talking about women. The doctor says "It's great having a wife - you have security, someone to care for you, long term companionship. Being married is definitely the best option." The artist says "No, it's best to have a mistress - you're not tied down, you can keep your options open, it's exciting and a bit risque - having a mistress is definitely better than having a wife." The accountant says "Actually, it's best to have both a wife and a mistress, and you have to make sure that they know about each other." The doctor and artist are looking puzzled... The accountant finishes - "That way, the wife thinks you're with the mistress, the mistress thinks you're with the wife, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
 
I thought my girlfriend might be 'the one' but after looking through her wardrobe while she was out I found police, nurse and maid uniforms in her wardrobe. I realised the stupid bitch cant even hold a job down !!!!
 
Two men walked into a bar.
The first man says: "I'll have some H2O please"
The second man says: "That sounds good, I'll have some H2O too."

The second man died.
 
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