Joke

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, 'I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.'

In all their 30 years of marriage Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.

Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

That evening they were out for a special Anniversary dinner. After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, 'I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed.

However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?'

Bill thought for a while and said, 'I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth.

Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.'

Hillary was shocked, but said, 'Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior.
However since you are addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.'

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later Hillary asked Bill, so why do you have all that money in the box? Bill answered; 'Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.'
 
ok i'll give it a lash....

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding
anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him
"Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10
seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"


The next morning Rick got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and
sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe
and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back
in the house.


She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday.
Please pray for him
 
none of the jokes in this thread are very funny. not abysmal, just not particularly funny.
 
Which key can unlock any lock, open any door and access any area?
-
A *****.
-
 
nice lol.

he's not banned anymore!!

Another i read elsewhere!


Two nuns are sitting on a park bench when a naked man walks past.
One of the nuns has a stroke.

The other can't reach
 
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One day a man went to see his doctor complaining about severe migraine headaches.
After a long examination the doctor told the man that somehow his balls were pressing
very tightly against the base of his spine and this was causing the man to have migraine
headaches. The doctor concluded the balls would have to come off.

The man thought this was rather drastic, so he went to another doctor for a second opinion.
"Your balls are pressing up against your spine causing the headaches," said the doctor,
"The balls will have to be amputated." Finally the man decided to have the operation. He went
to the first doctor and had it done. Two years passed and the man was walking down the street
when he came across a tailor's shop. Wearing the same thing he had been for years, the man
decided to go in and get some new threads. The tailor took one look at the man as he walked
in and said,"I'll bet your pants size is 36x32."
"That's amazing,"said the man,"how on earth did you know?" "I get paid to know these things,"
replied the tailor.

After he was fitted in pants the tailor looked at the man and told him exactly what his shirt size was
without measuring him once. "That is just too cool! How did you know?" asked the man.
"I get paid to know this kind of stuff." Pretty soon the tailor had the man decked out in a full 3 piece
suit with a rather smart hat to go with it all. Not once did the tailor measure the man for his clothes.
"I get paid to know these things,"is what he would say.

After all that the man decided he wanted some new underwear to make him comfortable in his new suit.
"I'll bet you wear 36 medium," the tailor said, eyeballing the man. "HA! You're wrong!" said the man,
"I wear 34 medium!" "That's ridiculous," replied the tailor,"if you wore size 34 medium underwear,
you'd press your balls way too tight against your spine causing severe migraine headaches."

P.S Can't Believe i had the balls to post this

/gets coat and runs

LoL great joke.
 
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