Kiddies jokes needed!!

ivrytwr3 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:14

OK, after a few years of baby talk and changing nappies, my little one is growing up and i would like some jokes to tell him. However, after:

"Knock Knock, who's there? Doctor........etc etc etc

and

Why did the chicken cross the road (which the kiddie just stared at me blankley after delivering the killer puchline)/

I'm stuck. Can't think of anything else that doesn't involve, race, midgets, porn or asian dwarf porn.

Help!

mac1st3 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:16

You're adopted? he might not think it's funny, but the look on his face would be priceless

AHarvey · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:20

How do you make a whore moan?

Wipe your knob on the curtains!

Erm, get down to a charity shop and get a cheesy joke book

EDIT: or check this: http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/

Vita · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:22

mac1st3 said:
You're adopted? he might not think it's funny, but the look on his face would be priceless

Had that said to me, turned out it was true. Should have seen the look on my face then. :eek:

knip · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:22

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rock it!

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!

Whats pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff!

DampCat · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:22

Thread needs more Asian Dwarf Porn jokes.

Ciphon · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:22

Whats the fastest thing in the water?

A Motor-Pike! .......

DampCat · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:24

What goes peck.. BANG, peck... BANG, peck... BANG?

Chicken in a minefield.

(was my favourite joke as a lad)

G-MAN2004 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:25

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?

Get in the Batmobile, Robin.

frosty03 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:29

DampCat said:
What goes peck.. BANG, peck... BANG, peck... BANG?

ChickenS in a minefield.

(was my favourite joke as a lad)

fixed

DampCat · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:30

It's a joke and i was a child. Chickens are invincible.

How many explosions did Wile E. Coyote survive?

SfnX · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:31

G-MAN2004 said:
What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?

Get in the Batmobile, Robin.

rofl thats terrible

Guerrilla · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:33

What do you get if you cross a plate of jelly and a helicopter...

A Jellycopter!

Why is that the only joke i can remeber from my childhood

Nitefly · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:34

Why did the lobster blush?

Because the sea weed!

Russinating · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:35

There's that one about a penguin skiing with a newspaper or something.... I don't know, I can never remember jokes.

4T5 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:42

Mary had a Little bike she rode it on the Grass.
Every time the wheel went round
A spoke stuck up her Woooohooooooo

My Nanny witch used to sing this to me.

Reginald · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:43

What do you get when you run over batman and robin?

Flatman and Ribbon!

What kind of pet did Aladdin have?

A carpet.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

DampCat · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:50

Mr Fox went down to the pond to get a drink. He saw Mr Frog sitting on a lilly.
"How did you get out there, Mr Frog?" he asked
"Easy!" Replied Mr Frog
"How deep is the water, Mr Frog?" The fox asked
"Needeep! Needeep!"

Amnesia · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:53

how do you stop a nose running ?
trip it over

what did the big chimney say to the little chimney ?
you're too young to smoke

YouBunt2 · 23 Sep 2009 at 12:55

Whats worse than spinning a baby on a washing line?....Stopping it with a shovel