Letters from VIZ...

[philjohn]

Hehe, half of the read like Daily Fail story comments, my personal fave:

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary say that Britain's prison
> population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the
> world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given
> 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can
> only dream of.

 

[semi-pro waster]

Some excellent bits of surrealism and playing on natural expectations in there.

 

[Sweetloaf]

What's so ****ing hard to understand?

Mainly you...deep breath now.

Why is Viz always funnier when it's someone else's copy?

 

[Kitchster_uk]

I subscribe to the Viz, much to the annoyance of my Area Manager. I have one on the back shelf of my 7-series

 

[Gaijin]

tl:dr - rubbish jokes

The 'd' stands for 'didn't'.

The tl:dr was for people skipping forward. I read them.

Regardless, it's a nobbish, pointless phrase which has earnt people on here holidays before.

If you don't like it - don't read it. Let others make up their own mind. They aren't going to not read it just because you said so.

 

[Duff-Man]

Viz is brilliant

 

[RobH]

I have a Viz book from the mid 90's somewhere at home, must find it at some point. I believe "tl:dr" is a suspendable offence on here, it is completely pointless, why bother posting anything in the first place if you don't want to read it.

 

[A.N.Other]

Some very good one-liners there. Approve.

 

[Cybermyk]

I like Viz's Top Tips.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

 

[chipperhead]

The police dog one cracked me up

 

[uber soldat]

tl:dr - rubbish jokes

Thanks for that valuable insight there mr troll

 

[Jonny69]

One of the best ones I read years ago was something like .....

I was so disappointed when the Ford Focus was released as it broke the Ford tradition of naming their cars after porn mags such as Fiesta and Escort,

I was looking forward to seeing a Ford Razzle or a Ford Readers Wives T***s Special.

I remember that one, lol

Why is Viz always funnier when it's someone else's copy?

Nah, it's when you're reading it on a busy train or aeroplane and you have to bite your tongue or pinch your scrotum to stop yourself laughing out loud

 

[The Dread Pirate]

> 'Disneyland - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
> Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

I remember this pain from Disneyworld quite vividly

 

[VonClinkerhofen]

I like Viz's Top Tips.

If your child is choking on an icecube, simply pour a kettle of boiling water down it's throat and the blockage is instantly removed.

 

[Pinkeyes]

I loved the "Dear Miriam" style letter they published.



Dear Miriam,

The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.

I hadn’t gone a hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car juddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I found him in the bedroom. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for 12 years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed up in my lingerie because couldn’t find any of his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he had been wearing my cloths for six months. I told him it had to stop, or I would leave him.
He was made redundant from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I have him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant, and I don't feel I can get through to him any more. Please can you help?

–Mrs. B, Essex

Miriam says... A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

 

[matt_fsr]

Heh, most of them got a good chuckle from me - the surrealism is pretty good, on a manageable level rather than Private Eye!

*reminds self to buy a Viz this lunchtime*

 

[TheMightyTen]

I enjoyed them, made loud laughing noises and everything

 

[rsatd]

Like the one before last

 

[eXor]

Princess one was hilarious.

 

[Ucof]

Favourite was the dog one.