Monday morning joke thread

Soldato
Joined
13 Aug 2004
Posts
8,464
Location
England
A little girl goes 2 a barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a cake while her dad has his hair cut. The barber smiles at her and says "you're gonna get hair on your muffin". " I know" she says "I'm gonna get **** too you dirty old prat"
 
Two fish in a tank and one says to the other,
"So, how do you drive this thing then?".

My all time favourite joke of all time ever.
 
two pigs in the desert,
one turns to the other n says "I'm bacon"

Legendary joke my dad tells every time he goes on holiday, cracks me up!
 
As we are gettin rid of old jokes,

Two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and says

"does this taste funny to you"

KaHn
 
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
EVH said:
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

lol :D
 
tsinc80697 said:
two pigs in the desert,
one turns to the other n says "I'm bacon"

Legendary joke my dad tells every time he goes on holiday, cracks me up!


I don't know what it was about that joke but that's just had me in stitches for the last five minutes. :D Had to wipe the tears from my eyes so that I could see the screen. :D

Al
 
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