Feel for ya OP. I lost my best friend of the last 18+ years my dog Tyke just over 2 months ago, he made it to 2 months short of his 19th birthday! To be honest, now i can look back and reflect, he suffered a lot and probably should have been euthanised a bit earlier than he was, maybe a month or so earlier. The tears have dried up but i think about him often throughout the day. He was with me through some very turbulent periods in my life when he was the only good thing I knew, for many years he was the only reason I chose to leave my house (to walk him). I lost my dad when when I was 19 and losing Tyke was no less painful. Time will help how you feel OP, sending a virtual hug to you.