My dad died, and I didn't say goodbye
- Thread starter Threepwood
- Start date
You've lost a parent. Even if you had got there on time you would be beating yourself up for not getting there sooner. I've had the misfortune of losing My Grandmother and Aunty in the space of 3 weeks leading up to Christmas 2 years ago and I lost another friend to suicide in the last month.
One thing I've learned is that when that time/news comes the very first thing you'll do is beat yourself up about wishing you did more. Wishing you spent more time. The truth is even if you did everything 'right' there still will never be enough time.
You got there. That's all that matters. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know the worlds of some internet strangers will not soften what you're feeling now nor can we pretend to know what you're feeling but go easy on yourself and your loved ones.
Most importantly allow yourself to grieve. Sounds so obvious but so many people don't give themselves the time to process what has happened and take it in.
Take care of yourself
One thing I've learned is that when that time/news comes the very first thing you'll do is beat yourself up about wishing you did more. Wishing you spent more time. The truth is even if you did everything 'right' there still will never be enough time.
You got there. That's all that matters. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know the worlds of some internet strangers will not soften what you're feeling now nor can we pretend to know what you're feeling but go easy on yourself and your loved ones.
Most importantly allow yourself to grieve. Sounds so obvious but so many people don't give themselves the time to process what has happened and take it in.
Take care of yourself
Same with me. Dad died whilst I was in the Philippines. Didn't say goodbye properly except on the phone when I said see you in a couple of weeks. Immense feeling of guilt but completely out of your control. Time will slowly numb the pain, which is unfortunate but at least he had someone with him.
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Sorry for your loss.
Try not to beat yourself up about it. For me when I saw my dead dad and held his hand I knew he'd gone. There was no one there to say goodbye to.
He knew we'd have said goodbye if it was possible but it wasn't and that doesn't matter. What matters is how you felt about each other and your memories.
In your memories he's not gone. Funnily enough we were in a supermarket today and my OH pointed to a garish shirt my dad would have worn. For that moment he was very much here.
But it took a long time for me to get to that point.
Hang in there bud, don't be too hard on yourself, don't replay what ifs and buts. Easier said than done but I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you to add more stress and upset to yourself than you already have from the loss.