My Dad *It Aint Working Out*

bakes0310

bakes0310

bakes0310

Soldato
Joined
22 Oct 2004
Posts
13,752
Ill just go over our family background briefly:
Mum and dad are seperated since i was like 4 or 5 and for whatever reasons i aint had nothing to do with him really until about 3 years ago. And in these 3 years i have now seen him like nearly every saturday, ive been on holiday with him a couple of times etc....

So now we got the boring background over with, heres my problem. He's basically an alcholic, even though he would never admit it or anyone else around him would use that word. In the 3 years ive properly known him ive seen him upset his brothers wife which led to him punching his brother afterwards. He's made my sister cry on quite a few occasions. He has shouted at and hit my sister's boyfriend. He's shouted and swearing at me, and once grabbed me by my shirt.
My sister who i feel really sorry for cause she gets very upset about it all, but i think now she's had enough and hasnt seen him for a while, but she'll forgive him after a while. Anyway tonight he phoned me up twice, the first call was innocent enough, just saying hi and that i aint seen him in 2 weeks, so i told him ill see him tomorrow. Then about 10 minutes later he phoned again, but was shouting and swearing about why i dont see him enough.
It just aint gonna stop, unless he gives up the drink really. When he aint drunk, hes great to spend time with. He's really popular, got plenty of friends hes got his dream house hes always wanted from when he was a kid. He's got a very nice wife (7 year marriage) and two great step kids.
Anway im unsure what to do really, heres my options:
1) Have nothing to do with him
2) Be a better son and make more of an effort with him, like phone him up now and again, and make sure i see him every saturday.

When he does get angry with me or when he grabbed me, he's always apoligised (in tears) so i really do think the drink is controlling him so he, doesnt really mean it.
I really do want to see him, still cause he's my dad and its something ive never had before. Im joining the army(:D) next month and ill be away from all my family during the six months training. So ill be phoning them all as much as i can. And the one person i really do want to speak to is my dad (he's ex army im joining his old regiment) and have him at my passing out parade (if i pass:) ) it'll be mine and his proudest moment of are lives.

So OCUK what should i do?
 
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Get him to face up to it, admit it, stop drinking COMPLETELY, then get counselling. Otherwise there is no hope for anyone that becomes abusive under the influence of alcohol. He has to become T-total.

Morba said:
thats hardly a long read.
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Fantastically constructive comment.
 
Option 2, he's your Dad at the end of the day.

Perhaps a quiet word about the drink would help (when he's sober obviously!) and say that it upsets you?
 
I turned to drink half way through....


:o Bored Bored bored:o I bet your bore yer dad to drink...oops I forgot he doesn't need encouraging ;)
 
Tell him you wont see him again until he cleans himself up! Oh and like all bullies a simple slap will help him remember to keep his hands to himself.
 
Richdog said:
Get him to face up to it, admit it, stop drinking COMPLETELY, then get counselling. Otherwise there is no hope for anyone that becomes abusive under the influence of alcohol. He has to become T-total
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This! Does him and everyone he cares about/cares about him the most good.
 
Maccy said:
Option 2, he's your Dad at the end of the day.

Perhaps a quiet word about the drink would help (when he's sober obviously!) and say that it upsets you?
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Thats an extremely hard conversation, i dont even think i could speak like that to him. He's got a wife, who should have told him this years ago.
 
I think its a bad idea for him to go cold turkey straight away.
Weaning himself off the alcohol would probably be best.

A friend of a friend stopped drinking just like that, and began hallucinating.
Last month he thought he was being chased, and jumped out his appartment window and killed himself.

So definitely the alcohol has to go, but carefully and with lots of support from you.
 
Moses99p said:
My father's a complete ****.... I'm not gonna "try and be a better son" (when the faults are entirely his), he's a **** and he's not worth it. Some might say you're obliged when it comes to family stuff, but I think that's just stupid.
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Agreed. My mum was on the receiving end of alcohol fueled violence for twenty years for me and my sister just so we could have some normality but obviously it was the opposite:(.
 
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icybox said:
I turned to drink half way through....


:o Bored Bored bored:o I bet your bore yer dad to drink...oops I forgot he doesn't need encouraging ;)
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go away.

sorry to hear about this, my grandad on my dads side is like this (i've never met him (didn't even know my step grandad wasn't my grandad until i was about 10), by all accounts he was a lovely bloke when sober and was quite skilled (bounced between electrician and plumber) but got bored easily and turned to drink and then turned into a monster :(.

last i heard he'd had a stroke and was in a wheelchair and still drinking, some people will just never learn and it's really sad, i won't drink alcohol as a rule because of the addiction it seems to have for my dads side (my uncle is also a complete alchy).

hope he can sort it out but it's my experience that they never do :(. i think you just need to be there for him when he is sober and not be there when he's drunk, hopefully he'll twig.
 
I know its selfish but what i want to do is just carry on how we are and see each other on saturday. Ill forget all about it cause im leaving next month and thats whats most important for me. In the mean time ill just see him saturday mornings (he only drinks at night) and not go out with him to parties etc where theres alchol.
 
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