i'm alt tabbing in and out of Minion Masters here while hating myself and feeling rage and anger to others msging people on fb who are sleeping away lol
That's not a good combo. You'll probably end up saying something to someone that you'll regret later. Is there anything else you can do? Get out and have a walk outdoors? Exercise until you can't do any more? I'm still sore from the last couple of days overdoing weights. I knew I was overdoing it, but I needed to do it to the limit each time for the sake of my mind rather than my body. I could use something more I could do for leg exercises because my dodgy knee won't allow things like squats and I'm leery about making it worse, about doing anything more than physio for it.
Alcohol is a tempting blotter, but IME it's too fleeting and too disinhibiting without really helping and it's far from safe. Someone I vaguely know is dying of alcoholism and it's a bad way to die. I have been known to mix alcohol and codeine in the past, but that's
really not a good idea. I find the clean high of exercising to exhaustion better. Whatever the limit is. If you can do 10 pushups, do 10. If 100, do 100. It can help with anger too, by providing a focus for the underlying aggression. That last pushup, that last rep, the one you can't do but damn well
will do! Not the best way to exercise for your body, but sometimes the best way to exercise for your mind.
Calling for some proper help is a good plan too. There are mental health helplines. Probably one in your area. Have a look online for the number. You don't have to ring it, but have it to hand in case you suddenly decide to do so. The worst that can happen is that you waste a couple of pounds on a phone call.