Natural/in built motivation?

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 14:16

An odd post, but I'm sat here on yet another weekend of doing nothing and couldn't think of anywhere else to ask.

I've always wanted to do things, get more from life but I can never manage to do anything about it, I was wondering where/how/what people got this magic motivation from to get out there and do things? Does it just come naturally or do people really have to try hard or convince themselves to do stuff?

I have no life outside of going to work and never have- I never plan anything or have any goals etc. the easiest way I can think to explain it is that I want things to change but it seems I don't want it enough to actually do anything about it. My life is literally taken one day at a time, I wake up every morning knowing the only thing I will do that day is go to work and eat, weekends are worse because I don't have the work thing (most weekends at least) so I just sit around twiddling my thumbs. I also can't seem to find any enjoyment in things, I will start doing something or trying a new hobby and just give up after 10 minutes out of boredom.

Today there are things I need to do around the flat, some small DIY jobs to do, clothes to wash, tidying up to do but I just can't bring myself to do it. I haven't even got any food in the fridge so I'm sat here hungry because I can't be bothered to go out.

The older I am getting it is getting worse which is worrying me a little, I've tried all the usual "advice" for this sort of stuff but it just boils down to actually wanting to do it- like quitting smoking or something, you can try all the tricks in the book but unless you really really want to quit then it isn't going to happen.

Sorry for waffling, I needed an outlet.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 15:02

By the way this wasn't just about chores or boring things, it goes for everything. Some of the jobs I have to do are parts of ongoing DIY projects for one of my hobbies but I can't even summon the desire to do that.

The main thing I would like to sort out is doing nice things with my spare time, every year I fail to use up my holiday allocation from work because I can't think of anything to do with them. I always just end up getting the days off nobody else wants because everyone else seems to have planned their whole year and already booked all their days by the 1st week of Jan, which amazes me. Mine end up getting used by sitting around doing nothing at home. It's like I can't plan anything or think of stuff I'd like to do, I just know I want to enjoy something.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 15:04

Mr Badger said:
Conversely I always seem to find that there are never enough hours in the day.

Yes I have a work colleague like that and it baffles me, he is literally always doing something and rushing to get home because he has something planned. I find it quite depressing really that I don't have that level of interest going on in my life.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 17:37

Bassmansam said:
How old are you @Telecaster ? Do you have a partner?

Early 40s, always just been me. This is not a new thing, I've always been this way but over the last 18 months I've felt significantly worse than usual hence the post.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 17:45

CapitalOne said:
Please take my post above with tongue firmly in cheek.

It sounds like you aren't having enough fun. Do you enjoy your job? If not think about how you might get one you do and then work towards that. If work is your number one thing you might as well make the most of it. All the best.

This has been a long standing problem, I've had many jobs over the past 25 years or so and hated every single one. When you don't have any passions in life it seems difficult to find an enjoyable job, so like many people I've pretty much settled into the 'job is just a job' mentality and get on with it.

I do find work in general mentally draining, just keeping up the whole charade of having to do it and the long hours takes its toll on me, which is one reason I think I can't get motivated to do anything as I like to sit and chill to recover from the daily grind.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 18:22

CapitalOne said:
Is it draining because it's boring or because it's difficult?

Neither really, I just find it draining to keep going you know- to keep getting up every morning, to keep going all day, to keep making myself do it. I've never been passionate enough about anything to consider doing it for a living, jobs are just a means to an end, to pay my way through life.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 18:35

CapitalOne said:
You just haven't found it yet - keep looking. The same mate I mentioned above (he's a savant really) had this conversation with me whilst we had moved on to different Unis...

Me: I'm stuggling, I just can't take anything seriously
Him: You just haven't found something you like doing yet

It's really important. You spend most of your life doing work, might as well have a bit of enjoyment. I hate getting up at 5:30 to get the train in but fortunately I only have to do it 2 days a week now. Please try and work out what you need to do to have something to look forward to, work or otherwise.

I agree, but you'd think by now I'd have found something, if it takes any longer then it may be too late. I do often wonder what the point of it all is any more.

The only thing I can imagine enjoying is being retired and having a nice house with a workshop to potter around in all day, but that's not realistic just a fantasy.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 18:59

Don't get me wrong, I have tried various things and found some interest there but I always seem to lack that full interest that makes anything a passion. When you hear/see people talk about their interests or hobbies they're usually very passionate about them and have read or learned as much about them as they possibly can, I just seem to stop at the passing interest stage, nothing grabs me enough to become a serious time sink. I can tell you something about a lot of things, but not a lot about a single thing.

I did used to be a gamer, hence being here in the first place. I tried loading a few up recently but couldn't give it any more than 10 minutes before turning it off.

CapitalOne said:
I'm guessing you don't have kids? That's an easy thing to live for but also a well being hazzard!

No kids, Mrs or friends, that's just how it has always been.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:08

!bluetonic! said:
Just start doing stuff!

I bought an amazing washing machine so I enjoy doing washing.

New College in Swindon send brochures of evening courses, everything from guitar playing to massage courses. Sign up. Get it done. Meet new people.

Set up a personal Kanban board and stick to it.

We wouldn't get along in life. I'm a do-er and don't like energy-sapping non-do-ers.

Likewise I can't abide do-ers, in fact people in general are draining to deal with. But I get your point.

Like I said though, it's not a case of just doing it, you have to want to and it is where that desire comes from and whether it is just natural or forced. I'm quite stubborn and struggle to force myself to do anything I don't want to.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:13

I'd like to try and exercise more- apart from that I get from my job- I struggle with exercise purely for the sake of it and wouldn't consider a gym but some kind of sport would appeal if I could figure out how to do that as a billy no mates.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:21

!bluetonic! said:
@Telecaster I take your point.

Okay. Imagine being a Jew in Nazi Germany. Imagine everything you owned taken from you.
Imagine living in an infested hell hole of a concentration camp, never knowing what day would be your last.

Now please moan about your own life.

I'm a do-er because I have freedom to choose my life and don't want to waste much of it.

I look at history to realise how easy I have life.

I'm afraid that is a bit too simple minded of an approach. It may work for slightly IQ challenged folk though. Trying to offset your own problems against historical events or starving people in Africa doesn't work.

I want to know what is missing and why it is missing in me that means I've ended up here and hopefully understand how to change that, if it is even something I can change at this point.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:29

!bluetonic! said:
Have I got a low IQ then?

Whatever works, thinking about Nazis and Jews obviously does for you so stick with it.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:30

CapitalOne said:
Volunteering?

That is a good shout.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 19:46

!bluetonic! said:
I will. I've been with my wife and 2 children to see Frozen at the Drury Lane theatre today.

What have you been up to today?

Nothing, obviously, if you'd read anything I'd posted.

potatolord said:
Do you know what you enjoy doing? Have you ever thought about that?

Not much, I enjoy pottering and using my time as I see fit, having a job and lack of finances kind of kyboshes that.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 20:05

potatolord said:
Do you enjoy going to new places? Meeting new people? Learning new skills? Physical activity?

If you don't know what you want, you'll struggle to find it.

None of those appeal, but I feel like I should do some of them anyway just to avoid becoming a social leper.

People I can take or leave, I don't have a passport but have seen a lot of the UK. I have been trying for the past 6 months or so to think of a physical activity I can get into, as I mentioned above it would have to be a sport or something with a purpose, just going to a gym for tedious exercise has zero appeal.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 20:06

!bluetonic! said:
I had read your posts. I was a little miffed by your low IQ comment, hence my question which included some gloating. I've gone back to thinking we wouldn't be friends.

What would it take for you to do something / anything? What is physically or mentally stopping you from making a difference in your life tomorrow.

Take your neighbour's dog for a walk

Volunteer

Talk to a stranger

Bake a cake and share it amongst your neighbours

Learn a magic trick for You Tube and impress a family member with it

Write a plan of the things you want to achieve in life and post it here

Aside from volunteering, none of those things are anything I would do, sorry. They're all a bit sappy and simple minded.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 20:15

I don't know at what point my brain went down this path, I just know that since puberty life has been pretty grim, mentally speaking. All the things regular folk take for granted or that comes naturally like socialising and having fun, travelling, relationships, friends etc. just doesn't carry any meaning with me.

Telecaster · 12 Feb 2022 at 22:09

NotAGolf said:
What do you do for a job? You've mentioned you've had a few. Are they all in the same sector?

Not all the same sectors no, currently I am a mobile service engineer.

Efour said:
Do you watch TV or anything? No favourite shows?
Do you talk a lot online like here, I haven't looked.
I'd recommend happy pills but I personally don't believe in them, maybe a professional can help you properly?

No not watched Tv for what must be 20 years or more, no interest in that. Certainly don't want to go down the route of meds. I am a member of various forums but I don't post a massive amount, I mostly just read.

I have seriously considered removing myself entirely from the internet, but I find it a great source of information and always something to read that I think I would find it quite a challenge.

Telecaster · 13 Feb 2022 at 22:36

Efour said:
Woman at my work started taking anti depressants and she just turned into a overly talkative, smiling idiot
I think they just take the edge off of your mind and open you up to communicating/interacting/talking, get your mind from its self deprecating cycle of doom.
Like a "few" beers or smokey things do to "normal" people.

She would often repeat herself in conversation but id pretend to no notice

The dudes absolutely depressed but i think if we are honest most of us have been there, especially computer forum losers... most people here have issues physically or "mentally"

But getting to the age of 40 and still not having a clue or doing the social norms like having family and kids (i included myself there) is truly deemed as failure by most modern standards...
Without the drive of supporting a family or partner or anyone? (get a cat)
You will find, like you have, you really have no point in existing. Youre a zero contributor to society or the future of humanity. (mostly like me too But i do go on holiday 4x a year and enjoy life more these days after moving here to Sweden)

I think if you are single its compounded 10x worse. You should find someone in you're life to share your misery with... Seriously it is hard but you must have something in common with a man/woman whatever your preference is....

If you have no friends/family then as others suggested you will need to go down the NHS route and it wont be fun or easy but you need a kick back onto the rails. If you do wanna change..

Like you say, you've got to want it. I want to want it but I'm not sure you can just make yourself do anything by purely will power alone. There's got to be a serious mindset shift and at the minute that leap is a massive gap the size of the grand canyon not something you can wake up all happy-clappy one day and talk yourself into.

I've a short time frame of tolerance for being around people, I can do the whole smiley/polite 'how are you doing? me I'm good thanks' BS until the cows come home but I can't put up with much more than that, the thought of living with someone or spending more than an hour with them fills me with dread.

Pets are a no-go due to the amount of time I spend out of the house, leaving them alone like that all day wouldn't be fair, apart from that the tenancy doesn't allow them.

I think my first step should be trying some form of sport or activity, a racket sport or similar would be OK.

Telecaster · 14 Feb 2022 at 11:36

Would I look like too much of a belm playing squash on my own, do people do that?