Need a cheering up and advice after a break up

OpenToSuggestions

OpenToSuggestions

OpenToSuggestions

Soldato
Joined
5 Aug 2006
Posts
11,428
Location
Derbyshire
Hey all.
I have read many relationship threads over the years and now the time has come for me to have one.

I am a little bit of a strange person and am currently in the process of being diagnosed with aspergers - In short, I worry a lot and have issues keeping friends. I am doing a PhD and am a hall warden so am on night time duty a fair bit, including some weekends.

Last summer I met an older woman. A 34 year old with two children (I was 23 at the time). To keep it short, it did not work as we did not see each other enough, and I was always on at her about the degree she was doing. I found that she had loads of free money through benefits and student loans and got quite annoyed with her when she dosses about and is badly failing as I know she could do it if she stopped peeing around. Three of her close family members are Jeremy Kyle Show material and are quite the wasters.

This last week I have been away with friends and she was there. We didn't talk a great deal. I have found it very difficult as I have strong feelings for her, yet have no desire to get back together with her as it just wouldn't work.
She is a kind hearted attractive woman who understood me, and not many people do, yet I found it hard to listen to all her family issues without making comment on them as they were quite extreme.

This is the first long term relationship I have had. It lasted 10 months and ended a month ago.
Just looking fo a way to cheer myself up really and discover the mistakes I made so I can learn from them :).
 
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IT does sound like you got a lucky escape. Her family sound terrible, you can surround yourself with much better people. How old are you now? Im sure you will find love again soon!

I've also dated complete wasters who do nothing but claim a load of benefits and it annoyed me too. How can you love someone who over sleeps and misses a Mcdonalds interview ? \:
 
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Smash as many pasties as you can.
 
agnes said:
Friends, laughs and lots of activities.

Always my trio to cheer me up :)
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I know but easier said than done :p.

name89 said:
IT does sound like you got a lucky escape. Her family sound terrible, you can surround yourself with much better people. How old are you now? Im sure you will find love again soon!

I've also dated complete wasters who do nothing but claim a load of benefits and it annoyed me too. How can you love someone who over sleeps and misses a Mcdonalds interview ? \:
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I'm from a middle class background with the attitude of the world owes me nothing. I find it hard to stomach when she moans she has no cash, yet is going on a holiday costing over £4000 to Disneyland over the Xmas period when she doesn't work. I really find it hard not to get irritated when someone plays the "..but you don't have children" card.
Most (not all) of her immediate family are wasters and the children's dad is too, but that is her fault for having kids with him.

She is a lovely person with a kind heart. A fool, but a nice person.
The issue is I did love this one as she accepted me for who I was. I knew it would not work out with her and my parents told me from day one that I deserve better but as in the last 6 months I have felt so lonely I am really feeling down now she is gone from my life.
 
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Just get your glory smash and move on mate, you're only young and you don't need the burden of kids on you, especially at this point in your life, and how much more you have to experience before diving into that kind of situation.

If one woman can understand you, there will be plenty more, I promise you!
 
agnes said:
Friends, laughs and lots of activities.

Always my trio to cheer me up :)
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Agreed get a few activities setup with some of your mates, a weekend away somewhere, I've done it a few times in the past, even times I've traveled on my own but it has always worked as a great way of cheering me up, making me feel better and clears my head.

and a four thing would be booze! but that's just me :p
 
IT does sound like you got a lucky escape. Her family sound terrible, you can surround yourself with much better people. How old are you now? Im sure you will find love again soon!
Unless you like Drama
 
the shadow said:
IT does sound like you got a lucky escape. Her family sound terrible, you can surround yourself with much better people. How old are you now? Im sure you will find love again soon!
Unless you like Drama
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My goodness no! :p.
Her family would make a bloody brilliant entire hour long episode of it though - They live in a nice village with one council road and they all live on that a few doors down from each other.
On this week away someone had 'Jezza' on and I got some annoyed people when I said that the show is just there for the rest of the country to laugh at.
 
I was about to say. As lovely as she may be, being there for two children that aren't your own is a big commitment if things become serious.

In a few weeks/months you will look back and laugh. You will.

I think its time to put that i5 to good use and play video games. Best therapy around.
 
I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.

I still got there.

Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.
 
name89 said:
I was about to say. As lovely as she may be, being there for two children that aren't your own is a big commitment if things become serious.

In a few weeks/months you will look back and laugh. You will.

I think its time to put that i5 to good use and play video games. Best therapy around.
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Thanks.
I am very much a worrier of the past. I often get upset in bed at night thinking back to how lonely was in school, and she did help me with that and she knows everything about me.
I do not think much of myself, but I am proud of my academic achievements. I hope I can do better than her but only time will tell.

I do worry that I am far too judgemental on the under-class. Perhaps it is my parents who have brought me up this way, or it could just be that some families are so ****ed up that they are beyond repair. Both my parents were there for me, nobody took drugs, nobody kicked me down the stairs and my Uncle never ****ed me.
 
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Mattitude said:
Focus on something else like work to take your mind off things, sure enough over time you will meet someone else.
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The PhD (I refer to it as work) is a big concern of mine too :p, but that is a whole different topic!

name89 said:
As lovely as she may be, being there for two children that aren't your own is a big commitment if things become serious.
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They were very badly behaved, but one is special needs and requires attention all the time, which makes the other one jealous, so they behave badly too.
 
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You can focus on your PhD now. You can then call yourself Dr.Lurrrve when you've met someone that is on the same level as you :)
 
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