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Feigning joy and surprise at the gifts we despise over mulled wine with you
On the 25th day of the 12th month
The sleigh bells are in time ringing true
How we cling each Noel to that *********'s hope in hell
that it won’t end

Don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
 
When four of Santa's elves didn’t show up for work, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This caused Santa considerable stress.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a nice shot of rum. But when he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had finished all the drink (again), and there was nothing left for him.

In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. Santa went to get the broom and found that the mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree . . .

Merry Christmas everyone.
 
"If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
 
"If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
 
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny *bleeping* Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of ******** this side of the nuthouse."
 
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