OCUK wisdom quotes

[Adam_151]

A couple snippets of humourous wisdom stood out to me as I was browsing just now, so I thought I'll start a thread to collect them and see how many we get.

Lopez on tailgating:

Never tailgate a crap car because the owner won't give a second thought to sending you through his bootlid.

Che on Strip clubs:

It's not the case of whether you'd be allowed to by your partner, but why you want to go in the first place? I've been once, out of curiosity, but you just leave even more hornier than when you went in and very much poorer.

Appologies in advance for the crap thread

 

[Sic]

is windom like wisdom?

also...not crap thread....very good thread. *prepares to award stars*

 

[Treefrog]

Pickers on intelligence:

Think how dumb the average person is. Now realise that half of the population is dumber still.

I know someone who chucked about 3L of petrol from a paint can onto a skip full of burning wood!
He survived - just.

 

[Treefrog]

is windom like wisdom?

also...not crap thread....very good thread. *prepares to award stars*

Wisdom 4tw

 

[TerraS]

Broadband says:-
"Never say 'Please don't photoshop my face' on a public forum"

 

[Belmit]

Not so much wisdom, but a few months back I found myself laughing at quite a few posts for various reasons. These were the few I saved before I forgot all about looking out for them. They're funny to me again now because I'm seeing them out of context!

WatchTower - "Thats great but I don't have any friends so my computers mean a lot to me."

Neil3k - "Yes as long as she bent over and I could rest a porn mag on her back."

Otacon - "This is not a Chuck Norris thread guys, stay on topic."

Visage - "Has anyone got a no tape crack for Daley Thompson's Decathlon?"

Big Kev - (From a 'This thread was deleted because...' entry) "If you know there's a sweary in the link, why post it, jeez!!!!!!!"

 

[robmiller]

Pickers on intelligence:

Median != average

 

[Belmit]

Found another I'd saved. Beansprout on how to test wine in a restaurant:

"You should take a big gulp of the wine and pronounce it as a delicious vintage. Don't bother smelling it, just gulp it down. Then stand up and throw some cash around. Then eat the cork."

 

[Goodie]

Snort Vodka. It is kind of fun

Do as the man says

 

[Mickey_D]

Not so much funny as VERY good wisdom :

"The only thing you make in a hurry is lots of mistakes."

 

[SexyBetty]

I feel like the rope in a tug-of-war match. One team loves her deeply, and the other team wants to let go of the rope for good, but they're both putting up a good fight!

More profound than funny

 

[Beansprout]

Found another I'd saved. Beansprout on how to test wine in a restaurant:

"You should take a big gulp of the wine and pronounce it as a delicious vintage. Don't bother smelling it, just gulp it down. Then stand up and throw some cash around. Then eat the cork."

Just about remember saying that - you know it's true though

Median != average

But intelligence is a nice bell-shaped curve centred around 100, so the median is the average and is also the mode...from what I remember anyway

 

[Pine]

But intelligence is a nice bell-shaped curve centred around 100, so the median is the average and is also the mode...from what I remember anyway

Indeed, in a normal distribution the mean, median and mode are equal.

 

[Sudden]

WatchTower - "Thats great but I don't have any friends so my computers mean a lot to me."

lol i love it.

 

["andy"]

cant find it anywhere but downsys quote on what to do with a jar of mercury

 

[Skunkworks]

Found another I'd saved. Beansprout on how to test wine in a restaurant:

"You should take a big gulp of the wine and pronounce it as a delicious vintage. Don't bother smelling it, just gulp it down. Then stand up and throw some cash around. Then eat the cork."

I remember that quote! Just visualising it makes me LOL.

 

[Treefrog]

cant find it anywhere but downsys quote on what to do with a jar of mercury

Was that "Pour it through a letterbox and shout "John Connor, I'm coming to get you""?



And here's Davey showing, if not wisdom, then honesty at least.

 

[Damnations Fury]

Can't remeber who said it originally, but it was in someones sig for a while too. It was in reference to using internet dating websites and finding women on them. Went something like:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd"

 

[penski]

Everything I say.

Seriously; when I'm dead, you guys will worship me.

*n

 

[Inquisitor]

Can't remeber who said it originally, but it was in someones sig for a while too. It was in reference to using internet dating websites and finding women on them. Went something like:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd"

Ah yes... "OcUK dating - the odds are good, but the goods are odd"

Genius