*****Official bad joke thread*****
- Thread starter Angst
- Start date
Totally is not 
But anyway...
A Yorkshireman took his cat to the vet to be neutered. "Is it a Tom?" asks the vet. "No it's in the box" said the Yorkshireman.
Why do deaf girls masturbate with one hand?
So they can moan with the other.
But anyway...
A Yorkshireman took his cat to the vet to be neutered. "Is it a Tom?" asks the vet. "No it's in the box" said the Yorkshireman.
Why do deaf girls masturbate with one hand?
So they can moan with the other.
Some old nonsense preacher fell seriously ill and while on his death bed he requested the nurse to call both his personal doctor and lawyer.
When the tow arrived he told them to sit besides him. One on the left side and the other on the right.
There was a moment of silence as the two sat there wondering why of all people he had chosen them for his last words instead of his family.
They started to recall his tough preaching often directed at them until the lawyer ask him, so pastor what did you want to tell us?
The old preacher raised his head while he tried to capture his breath. With a smile on his face he looked at both of them and said " My lord Jesus died between two thieves so i also decided to go the same way!"
When the tow arrived he told them to sit besides him. One on the left side and the other on the right.
There was a moment of silence as the two sat there wondering why of all people he had chosen them for his last words instead of his family.
They started to recall his tough preaching often directed at them until the lawyer ask him, so pastor what did you want to tell us?
The old preacher raised his head while he tried to capture his breath. With a smile on his face he looked at both of them and said " My lord Jesus died between two thieves so i also decided to go the same way!"
A golfer is in Ireland for a short break, he drives his Honda into the gas station to fill up.
Out comes paddy and starts to fill the car. He spots two golf tees lying on the seat. " whats them two funny looking things on yer front seat there"? asks Paddy.
They're golf tees" says the golfer
What do ye use them for"? asks Paddy
For putting my balls in when I'm driving off" says the golfer
Jaysas", says Paddy, "fair play to them Japs, sure they think of everything
Out comes paddy and starts to fill the car. He spots two golf tees lying on the seat. " whats them two funny looking things on yer front seat there"? asks Paddy.
They're golf tees" says the golfer
What do ye use them for"? asks Paddy
For putting my balls in when I'm driving off" says the golfer
Jaysas", says Paddy, "fair play to them Japs, sure they think of everything
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 Dec 2009
- Posts
- 18,251
- Location
- RG8 9
I went for a meal at the New Bombay last night. The waiter came over and said, "Curry okay?"
I replied, "Go on then, one song then you can **** off."
I replied, "Go on then, one song then you can **** off."
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a supermarket. The manager called Police when they saw him collapse.
The ambulance rushed the man to catholic founded Hospital, where he had an emergency operation. When he awoke from the surgery, he found himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed, holding a clipboard, loaded with several forms and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you?” asked the irritated nun. He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
The ambulance rushed the man to catholic founded Hospital, where he had an emergency operation. When he awoke from the surgery, he found himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed, holding a clipboard, loaded with several forms and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you?” asked the irritated nun. He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Caporegime
- Joined
- 28 Jun 2007
- Posts
- 52,812
- Location
- Tamworth, UK
When my girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees I just thought she was joking..................... AND THEN I SAW HER FACE
Irish scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you.
The more you have ,the longer you live
Three naked men in a sauna, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman.
They hear a bleeping sound, the yank touches his arm and says "thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin".
Next a phone rings, the Japanese man lifts his palm up to his ear and says "thats my phone ringing, I have a microchip in my hand".
The Irishman feeling very low tech goes to the toilet and comes back with loo paper hanging from his ar$e, "Ah Jaysas" says he, " would you look at that, I'm getting a fax".
The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 4 ships - three full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack
The more you have ,the longer you live
Three naked men in a sauna, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman.
They hear a bleeping sound, the yank touches his arm and says "thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin".
Next a phone rings, the Japanese man lifts his palm up to his ear and says "thats my phone ringing, I have a microchip in my hand".
The Irishman feeling very low tech goes to the toilet and comes back with loo paper hanging from his ar$e, "Ah Jaysas" says he, " would you look at that, I'm getting a fax".
The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 4 ships - three full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack
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