Ok need some help here..

Deleted User 234324 · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:29

A massive decision has been thrust upon me!

Basically i've know this lass for over a year, we have been seeing each other for the past 5 months, nothing serious, we go out togeather, have a laugh and have some occasional "fun", she has a daugher who I get on with great.

Well tonight she said to me i'm seriously thinking about moving away from here (torbay) because i've had enough and would like for you (me) to move in with me, were only friends but to me it seems more than that, is she looking for a father figure or just someone familiar so she doesnt feel alone.

I'd do it in a heart beat because as much as we are only friends I love her to bits and she knows it.

Any and all advice welcome, should I go for it, its a risk but you only live once!

rebel rebel · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:34

thepeganator · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:34

You "have some fun" and "get on well with her daughter".

Is this friends, or more? Just seeing each other or more serious?

How do you feel about her?
All things you need to figure out for yourself.

Deleted User 234324 · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:36

Its more for me and she knows it I tell her all the time I have feelings for her that go beyond friends, we talk to each other almost daily and go out most weekends.

She told me tonight that she has feelings for me that go beyond friends but if we move in togeather it would just be as friends and see how things go.

As for how I feel about her.. I'd move mountains for her if I could.

wannabedamned · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:37

Do you want to be with this girl? As in more than friends? If so you should say so before you go any further. If you have feelings for her and she see's you as just a friend whos got the potential to be a good influence on her child. Then you need to know 1 way or another.

Once you know where you stand, Then you can decide on whether you want to potentially be with this woman as Boyfriend and Girlfriend, Living with her as essentially the daughters father figure

James J · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:37

You need to pretty much ask her "as what" your gonna move in as. A bf or a house mate. Big move either way though mate

thepeganator · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:39

MadMossy said:
Its more for me and she knows it I tell her all the time I have feelings for her that go beyond friends, we talk to each other almost daily and go out most weekends.

She told me tonight that she has feelings for me that go beyond friends but if we move in togeather it would still be as friends.

As for how I feel about her.. I'd move mountains for her if I could.

So you both have proper feeling for each other, yet are thinking of moving in as "just friends".
Not really something I would suggest, at some point one person would do something and it would get weird.

Considering the way you seem to feel about her, and what she has said to you, could you ever move in as "just friends"?
You seem to want to move in as a couple, let her know that's what you want, could you cope with being just friends whilst living with her?

Cybermyk · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:40

Do you work? does she?

I'd say go for it but it does sound like she's more serious about this than you are.

It could be a test though, women are crafty like that

Deleted User 234324 · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:41

I work yes, she doesnt as she is currently working towards her NVQ L3 in social care.

I am seriously thinking about going for it but it would be a good idea for me to make sure my choice is based on the intention that will be more than just friends.

The feelings though are odd, I openly admit how I feel, she knows this, she on the other hand is very reserved and generally only ever tells me she really likes me, tonight she said (after a few drinks) that she does have more than just friend feelings for me, but not what those were.

thepeganator · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:43

MadMossy said:
I work yes, she doesnt as she is currently working towards her NVQ L3 in social care.

I am seriously thinking about going for it but it would be a good idea for me to make sure my choice is based on the intention that will be more than just friends.

You need to know what you're moving in as.

You want to move in as more than friends, what does she want?
Friends? More? Just a father figure around?

Deleted User 234324 · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:53

The thing is trying to get any sort of emotional response out of her is like trying to get blood out of a stone, not because she doesnt feel anything but she's has her barriers up all the time, unless she has had a few drinks.

She said get a 3 bed house in Bristol (myself in one, her in another and daughter in the 3rd) but I honestly don't think i could live under the same roof as a house mate.

JayMax · 31 Oct 2010 at 01:05

If you have to think about your answer to the question you're asking... then my advice would be don't do it.
Platonic relationships, hmmmph, never work out. It sounds like you like her more than she likes you....

singist · 31 Oct 2010 at 09:02

Sorry to say it, as you obviously like her a lot ....... but I think that she is manipulating you because she knows how you feel about her.

It all sounds great until the "myself in one, her in another and daughter in the 3rd" bit which makes it appear that she wants a friendly lodger/father figure whom she knows and trusts, to share the rent and be around when she needs someone. I would advise you to negotiate what YOU want out of the relationship into any agreement that you might come to.

If you would have to commute a greater distance or find new employment, think long and hard before you commit.

I really don't mean to **** on your parade mate but a very similar thing happened to me some years ago and I would have appreciated someone giving me a reality check at the time.

Kind regards and best wishes whatever you decide.

A2Z · 31 Oct 2010 at 09:14

jheeze!

It really is SO simple!

"I do want to move in with you, but as your boyfriend as I have a lot of feelings for you which are more then 'just friends living together."

Await response...

fadetoblack · 31 Oct 2010 at 09:15

Get your coat and walk away.

Vonhelmet · 31 Oct 2010 at 09:18

Leave it. You want sex, and it sounds like she doesn't. You'll only end up moving out and leaving her in the lurch when you find another relationship, or you'll be pining for her and get fed up, or you'll shag and it'll almost certainly fall apart.

Freefaller · 31 Oct 2010 at 09:21

Agreed with von. Sounds like the 2 of you are in different places and want different things. I think it'll be awkward, furthermore, if things don't work out it'll make your life that little bit more complicated to go your own way if things don't work out.