OK, when is it officially called 'cheating'?

britboy4321 · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:07

Originally Posted by z0mbi3:
As I said in my post, you know when something isn't appropriate. Clearly going round to your best friends house doesn't class as inappropriate.

Zip said:
Well at least thats cleared up now

But if she absently grabs your hand to lead you outside to show you something -- you have well and truly cheated on your other half apparently! ..

Keeping up?

z0mbi3 · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:10

britboy4321 said:
Because it wasn't a 'date' in the sense of the word you're using ... unless next time you go to Burgerking with your mate, that's also 'a date'?

Did I miss the post where the OP explained what it was then because going from the first post it sounds very much like a date.

britboy4321 said:
But if she absently grabs your hand to lead you outside to show you something -- you have well and truly cheated on your other half apparently! ..

Keeping up?

Is it worth me replying? You seem quite happy spouting crap regardless of what I say.

Of course someone grabbing your hand isn't cheating, but in the context of the OP it is worrying.

britboy4321 · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:19

z0mbi3 said:
Did I miss the post where the OP explained what it was then because going from the first post it sounds very much like a date.

Is it worth me replying? You seem quite happy spouting crap regardless of what I say.

Of course someone grabbing your hand isn't cheating, but in the context of the OP it is worrying.

It's all about assumption my friend. The OP described a married person goes to meet someone of the opposite sex in the pub he describes as a 'friend', in the OP the 'is it a date' fact was not explicitly mentioned one way or the other (like in the OP), 99% of people would naturally assume that it is just exactly what it says, 2 friends meeting in a pub, as oppose to a 'lets see if we're compatible' type clandenstine 'date' ...

Hitman_Leon · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:23

If you need internet forum advice about how far you should go before you are in the 'wrong' so to speak from a relationship point of view, you need to learn all about how to conduct yourself from scratch as you seem to have missed out on that part of life.

z0mbi3 · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:25

britboy4321 said:
It's all about assumption my friend. The OP described a married person goes to meet someone of the opposite sex in the pub he describes as a 'friend', in the OP the 'is it a date' fact was not explicitly mentioned one way or the other (like in the OP), 99% of people would naturally assume that it is just exactly what it says, 2 friends meeting in a pub, as oppose to a 'lets see if we're compatible' type clandenstine 'date' ...

So you're assuming it is just two mates meeting in a pub, I'm just going by what the OP posted. Sure there's some assumption on my part, but the whole context of the post is geared towards it being more than just the usual mates meet up.

Deadbeat said:
Your views are pretty blinkered, are you insecure in relationships?

Not at all. Saying for a moment that the OP's post is a timeline, and that most of the things on it happened. Would it not have been obvious in the early stages that it was more than just a mates meet up?

Deadbeat said:
There's a difference between dressed up and tarted up, people often say about how lucky the girls I date are and, while I do suit up and look sharp when I'm out.

Ok so when someone tells you how lucky the girls are, does it end up with something happening that makes you post on the internet about it to find out if it's cheating? In the context of how you behave there'd be nothing to worry about, but clearly in the context of events that night something has happened that's made the OP wonder if he's crossed a line.

All I'm getting at is that if that girl was interested in more than just a mates meet up and that something happened that shouldn't then all these normal things people are saying don't matter, all put together should probably have set off some warning lights.

rossyl · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:34

britboy4321 said:
...

At parties we play silly games like 'pass the mouthful of wine down the line and back' -- with boy-girl-boy-girl lines down each side of the room (yes, mouth to mouth). Outrageous? Or just having a laugh?

now I think about it for years I've always had quite a physically laugh with loads of girls .. none of which were my g/f.

Harmless?

You sound similar to the couple Alan meets :eek:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noTjI3CloYk

Glad it all worked out

Mr^B · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:35

So just how far down the list DID you go?

M0T · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:38

I have known perfectly reasonable girls get in a huff about guys doing 1. on that list, so the answer to the question is whatever your partner is comfortable with. I certainly wouldn't be allowing 4 upwards to occur!

britboy4321 · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:42

M0T said:
I have known perfectly reasonable girls get in a huff about guys doing 1. on that list, so the answer to the question is whatever your partner is comfortable with. I certainly wouldn't be allowing 4 upwards to occur!

I would go wholly ballistic if I was with any girl who didn't let me meet up with a good friend because of their gender .. doesn't sounds reasonable at all to me .... :/ Different folks different strokes I guess ..

Mr^B · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:45

britboy4321 said:
I would go wholly ballistic if I was with any girl who didn't let me meet up with a good friend because of their gender .. doesn't sounds reasonable at all to me .... :/ Different folks different strokes I guess ..

It would depend on whether or not she knew you were meeting up with a yo-yo knickered ****.

semi-pro waster · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:46

Mr^B said:
So just how far down the list DID you go?

#8 as per post 62.

M0T said:
I have known perfectly reasonable girls get in a huff about guys doing 1. on that list, so the answer to the question is whatever your partner is comfortable with. I certainly wouldn't be allowing 4 upwards to occur!

I'm not sure I'd call that perfectly reasonable, it would depend on the circumstances but if my partner doesn't trust me enough to go for a few drinks with a friend of the opposite sex then I don't see a huge future in our relationship.

Mr^B · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:47

semi-pro waster said:
#8 as per post 62.

Ah, thanks, I assumed that after 8 it all got a bit vague because it was a testosterone/lager fuelled sex binge and he didn't want to appear ungentlemanly and reveal all the details.

torN · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:48

Son..... I am Disapoint

Deadbeat · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:53

z0mbi3 said:
All I'm getting at is that if that girl was interested in more than just a mates meet up and that something happened that shouldn't then all these normal things people are saying don't matter, all put together should probably have set off some warning lights.

You make a good point, but I guess I didn't explain myself very well. If the OP was asking whether anyone thought the chickadee was getting somewhere or just being friendly, I'd stand by you all the way. However, even if the girl's interested in him, there's no harm as long as he makes it clear there's no intention of carrying things further, unless she really doesn't get it and pushes a bit too far. Flirting isn't anything to be ashamed of - I flirt with girls, and girls I date flirt with guys, it's so far from being a big deal that it's not a deal at all. The intent, not the actions, rate your fidelity. I'm quite easy-going, and probably a bit too trusting, but seeing a girl I'm dating holding hands with a guy isn't something that I'd feel the need to discuss with her. I've never known a girl of mine to sit on a guy's lap when it's just the two of them at a pub, but they've done it at clubs and parties and again, not really fazed by it. I tend to date tactile girls anyway, but I've been cheated on once and I've also cheated once (different girls), so I guess I've built up my own class of danger signals. Like I say, the intent's more important than the action.

M0T · 24 Dec 2009 at 10:57

semi-pro waster said:
I'm not sure I'd call that perfectly reasonable, it would depend on the circumstances but if my partner doesn't trust me enough to go for a few drinks with a friend of the opposite sex then I don't see a huge future in our relationship.

My point is not that it is reasonable behaviour, but that it is easy to misjudge what your partner may think is appropriate.

Freefaller · 24 Dec 2009 at 11:00

semi-pro waster said:
I'm not sure I'd call that perfectly reasonable, it would depend on the circumstances but if my partner doesn't trust me enough to go for a few drinks with a friend of the opposite sex then I don't see a huge future in our relationship.

Indeed. I'll be damned if I don't get to flirt and have a laugh with my female friends. Fortunately this has never been an issue.

RSR · 24 Dec 2009 at 11:02

What she doesn't know, doesnt' hurt her