**** on a plane

SexyGreyFox said:
On Nigerian Airways back in the 70s If you didn't use the toilet within the first 30 mins of a 6 hour flight then you were walking into a dirty protest.
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I sat on a Nigeria Airways plane (in Lagos back in the mid sixties) for three hours while they were trying to get the engines working properly. Luckily they gave up around 11pm and my parents put me on a Swissair flight the next day. All to get back to school for autumn term.
 
I fell alseep in an airplane loo, hungover from a heavy night before, as we headed off to Prague for a stag-doo. I woke up sat on the loo, pants around my ankles, to the stewardess shaking my shoulder having unlocked the door from the outside as the plane only had 2 toilets and I'd "blocked" one for about 30 mins and the poor lady had to suffer a tight enclosed space with my toxic "morning after the night before" poop smells whilst she woke me up.
 
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Hagar said:
I sat on a Nigeria Airways plane (in Lagos back in the mid sixties) for three hours while they were trying to get the engines working properly. Luckily they gave up around 11pm and my parents put me on a Swissair flight the next day. All to get back to school for autumn term.
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I also have a Lagos, Nigerian Airways and Swissair story in 1978.
Just gone from Port Harcourt to Lagos with my Dad's best mate but me and my future wife were going home on Nigerian Airways and him on Swissair because my Dad couldn't get us on it.
Mike went into the Swissair hut to confirm his flight and came out saying my Dad must have got me on it because we were on the list.
This bothered me for years until Mike visited my Mum in the 90s.
I asked him how much dash it cost him to get us on Swissair and he said "5000 Naira". One pound equaled one naira back then.
He said he'd got so much money in his pocket he didn't know what to do with it because he couldn't take it home and pointless giving it ex Pats because they were all rolling in it.
There was a problem, we were in shorts and t-shirt and never thought we would get off the plane in Geneva while our cases went straight to Heathrow :)
 
ianh said:
I fell alseep in an airplane loo, hungover from a heavy night before, as we headed off to Prague for a stag-doo. I woke up sat on the loo, pants around my ankles, to the stewardess shaking my shoulder having unlocked the door from the outside as the plane only had 2 toilets and I'd "blocked" one for about 30 mins and the poor lady had to suffer a tight enclosed space with my toxic "morning after the night before" poop smells whilst she woke me up.
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Christ I adore these sorts of stories. Absolutely awful but extremely good.
 
Dis86 said:
My plane caught fire once. That was worrying.
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I won £250 on You've Been Framed for an incident I filmed in my mates Cessna and there was a lot of bleeps.
We were flying when the engine caught fire but he was able to turn right round and land.
We then put the fire out, it was a split fuel pipe and since he was no good with mechanics he had me remove an identical one off another friends Cessna and fit it to his :)
We took off and I put it back when we landed :)
 
I've been on a flight where a passenger became very sick and collapsed, they used the classic "is there a doctor onboard" line. They diverted us to Goose Bay Canada, which wasn't ideal but on the plus side the passenger was awake when they took her off. Before this, I'd always thought it was just an expression to say someone turned green, but she really did.

I've been on one flight where a toilet became blocked, but it wasn't even remotely close to the situation in those photos. :eek:
Imagine the embarrassment being the passenger who "exploded"...
 
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SexyGreyFox said:
I also have a Lagos, Nigerian Airways and Swissair story in 1978.
Just gone from Port Harcourt to Lagos with my Dad's best mate but me and my future wife were going home on Nigerian Airways and him on Swissair because my Dad couldn't get us on it.
Mike went into the Swissair hut to confirm his flight and came out saying my Dad must have got me on it because we were on the list.
This bothered me for years until Mike visited my Mum in the 90s.
I asked him how much dash it cost him to get us on Swissair and he said "5000 Naira". One pound equaled one naira back then.
He said he'd got so much money in his pocket he didn't know what to do with it because he couldn't take it home and pointless giving it ex Pats because they were all rolling in it.
There was a problem, we were in shorts and t-shirt and never thought we would get off the plane in Geneva while our cases went straight to Heathrow :)
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An engine story, Swissair this time, my Mother was flying out to Ghana where my Father was employed on the Tema -Accra motorway, shortly after Ghanain Independance. One engine went down on her plane but the pilots decided to carry on. Just about on the last minute, about the point of no return over the Sahara, they lost a second engine. This time they decided to return to Geneva and they got back on the surviving one or two enginems. Flying was a bit more hit and miss at the time I normally flew BOAC to Africa and they used Boeing 707 mainly.
 
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Hagar said:
An engine story, Swissair this time, my Mother was flying out to Ghana where my Father was employed on the Tema -Accra motorway, shortly after Ghanain Independance. One engine went down on her plane but the pilots decided to carry on. Just about on the last minute, about the point of no return over the Sahara, they lost a second engine. This time they decided to return to Geneva and they got back on the surviving one or two enginems. Flying was a bit more hit and miss at the time I normally flew BOAC to Africa and they used Boeing 707 mainly.
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Did you know that Lagos had two snow plows :)
Apparently Nigerian officials went to Heathrow to see what they had got and decided to have two themselves :)

You've also just cleared something up.
I met a bloke in Lagos Airport who eventually became one of my best friends and lives about 5 miles from me.
He was going to see his Uncle in another African country and now I remember it was Ghana.
 
My experiences of Africa were several summer holidays where I spent six weeks or so in various African countries. My father was a civil engineer who had the Africa bug through the fifties and sixties. His last job there was the Secretariat building in Lagos to house the government. I first flew out to Kenya at three months old, but I don't remember that.obviously.
 
dowie said:
Reminds me of this:

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"My way isn't very sportsmanlike."
 
We used to get served a cup of tea on our 45 minute flights to work, served by one of the lovely stewardess ladies. Anyway, one day I fell asleep straight after take off and woke up to realise 2 inescapable facts from the flight so far.

1. The lady had been and gone and I'd missed my wee cuppa.

2. I had a throbbing hard on that was very noticeable.

To this day, I have no idea if she found herself confronted with that awful sight when she passed me with her wee trolley. It's one of the first things I check for when I wake up on the flights now and it's getting to be a bit of a phobia of mine; I always get a little momentary panic.

Still, it's nothing compared to the person who **** all the way down the aisle so bad they had to turn the plane back - wow, FFS!
 
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