Ongoing project that saves my life.

[Calranthe]

Most peoples projects are for leisure or play, a luxury hobby or something that looks nice, for me this is life support, no different that my Wife's dialysis was.
Some of you were on this Journey with me from 2018 saw my posts here as my Wife died.
https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/news-on-wife-reason-for-being-away-for-a-day.18836959/

By March 2019 I was wrapping up my life, no reason to go on, nothing to live for, see not only was I diagnosed with Grief that was reset every time my PTSD kicked in but ADHD, Bi-polar type 2, Somewhere on the higher functioning autistic scale (still waiting on final review of that) but 7 days after Paola died I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer, 40% of my Bowels removed over Christmas of 2018 and nodules in my lungs that 6 monthly CT scan and blood work are keeping an eye on.

I had 4 different consultants and a Sr Psychologist trying to help me, both my GP and Samaritans rang me weekly to see if I was still alive, but Paola was the love of my life, I was completely broken and still am.

Now I have only one consultant who is sorting out my Autistic Diagnosis.

What Changed? In March 2019 I found a new life as a streamer Vloger.

Well this is the current Frankenstein's monster setup which is my treatment and therapy, it will always be an ongoing process via donations, gofundme's and me cannibalizing second hand parts.





It contains 2 primary computers a laptop, xbox one x, Ps4 a 47" TV and a 55" 4k, 3 cameras and a Valve Index setup. (and a ecoair portable aircon plugged into the old chimney breast which means this room stays at 19-20c even in our hottest days this year, my bay window has thermal foil behind the blind which reflects 99% of the direct sunlight)

I spent on average 16 hours a day in this room, in 17 months my only time leaving the house has been for blood tests and CT scans, people complain about 2-3 months of Lockdown *grins*

I can't exist in the outside world anymore even if I wasn't classed as high risk for Covid19.

My consultant is working on a paper with me about non medication treatment for Autistic, Bi-polar and ADHD and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for this technology.

It helps me fight my depression, deal with my mania, work through my PTSD and deal with Grief.

I have 800+ people on my youtube channel, 1000+ on Twitch, 600+ followers on Twitter and my posts on Reddit regularly hit the front page, I talk about mental illness never hiding if I have bad days or good, all my videos are raw and unedited, in 17 months I have over 2000 videos on Youtube and have never missed a day, I can't game alone because it sets off my PTSD but I can stream games and make people laugh, I live to inspire people and it is enough.

So what is my current setup.

I am in the process of moving over to a dual PC streaming setup to better spread the load of the peripherals.

Gaming PC
i7 8700k.
32GB Corsair Vengeance. (both donated to me last year by a follower when he upgraded to a 9700k.)
Motherboard Gigabyte Aorus Pro Z390 Wifi.
Os Drive Samsung 950 pro m2
Steam/games drives Samsung SSD's 4TB total.
EVGA 1080TI FTW3 (took me 2 years to afford that)
Corsair AIO cooler, Fractal case.
27" Iiyama ProLite Monitor 1080p
Valve Index VR
(All this system does now is play games, with the 1080ti I probably still have years of use)

Encoding system
i7 6700k
16gb Team group memory.
Asus MB
2070 RTX EVGA
Elgato 60 pro capture card 1080p version.
OBS streaming software.
Panasonic Full HD Camcorder HC-V770
2* Logitech c270 cameras
Audio Technica AT2020USB+ Mic

Currently using virtual software to transfer audio to the encoding setup but buying a hardware mixer deck and XLR mic later this week, glitches can happen with the virtual stuff and latency is an issue within a dual PC setup the card captures the Gameplay but audio can be an issue thus the upgrades needed.

Laptop and 47" TV well that is for my Dog beryl (she is light sensitive and unlike most dogs loves watching video games and high action movies in fact I have to hide my phone at night because she figured out she could touch and activate it with her nose, this may sound fun but she found out how to turn the Xbox one off and on with her nose and I had to move it) if you watch my streams you will see her trying to get on my desk to watch the stream which means I can't see anything, so hooked up my old TV to the 47" TV and will run twitch on that for her to sit and watch.
People seem to love watching Beryl so one of the camera's is always on her.

This is going to be an ongoing project for as long as I am alive and still doing this.

 

[Calranthe]

What caused your PTSD?

I went into hospital 8 weeks after Paola died, I had watched my Wife die in hospital was in the room as they tried to bring her back, watch them try to restart her heart, well after my six hour operation and 29cm wound I was put on Oxy something pain killers, bad reaction hallucinations, as I came out of surgery and heard all the beeps and noises in the recovery ward, I started to see Paola in the next bed being worked on, then I was Paola and they were trying to restart my heart, when I left hospital I had to throw away my bed, couldn't lay down no beds to sleep.

 

[Calranthe]

Go and read up on PTSD, then kick yourself for being ignorant enough to ask that question.

To the OP - kudos for finding a coping strategy. Recently diagnosed high-functioning autism here.
My 8 year old son was on Pathways from the age of 4, but we knew he was neuro-diverse well before then. It was strange seeing all the flags he raised and realising they were very familiar to my own behaviours, which led to me seeking a diagnosis.

Good days and not so good, but I have an incredible wife and four awesome kids to keep me grounded (also the reason I don't get to play 16 hours a day).
I'm not bragging - just acknowledging that I genuinely couldn't imagine life without my Mrs, so I cannot begin to comprehend the loss you've felt.

I'll be sure to check your channels out and subscribe - who knows, we may have some of the same "quirks".

Stay strong

It is okay, one of the points of my channel is talking about all of this, Really happy you have a lovely family to support you.

 

[Calranthe]

Here is my Youtube channel and my Twitch stream.
Warning before hand, my brain gets locked into one direction sometimes so my daily updates will go through a week of gofundme updates done now, a week of covid19 updates, talks on life, love and happiness.
My games playlist sort of goes the same way, 2 weeks of The Long Dark, Assasins Creed, Bloons TD 6 and so on, I think that I am classed as a variety streamer.

https://www.twitch.tv/quebber

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0l4UJXXXVlYA1bxKUcJRQ

 

[Calranthe]

Yes and by asking you bring those events to the forefront of the mind and could trigger an episode.

Fortunately, it seems Calranthe is OK with talking about his experience.

It is rough, for a long time I would end up in a ball as the entire death of my Wife would replay in my head with emotions color and sound, that is why I could never grieve properly because every time my PTSD hit I was reset back to day one.

So I talked on camera, over and over again, brought the monster into the light, sometimes I would be gripping my armrests so hard that I caused damage to my hands, it can still hit me but when I am streaming or playing a game, when the thought of Paola not being there and my brain starts to relive I can fight back because I am camera, I am connected to other people.

 

[Calranthe]

Subscribed - I watched your Free Valve Index vid and had to comment - really tickled me.

I look forward to working my way through your content - will make a change from watching "Things I'll Never Afford, In Places I'll Never Go", or "Colin Furze's Suicide Attempt No. 367".

Thank you

Here is this mornings update, inspired by this thread and all of you.

 

[Calranthe]

Yay Thank you for watching.
Now I need to get my head around this dual computer streaming which has it's own issues.

Pros
Primary PC is only used for playing the game, less resources needed and hooked up to a 1080p Monitor with a i7 8700k + 1080ti it will run pretty much anything for the foreseeable future with max detail.
No USB issues happening because all the camera's feed into the streaming/encoding pc.
A lot cheaper than building a beast of a machine to do both.

Cons
A convoluted audio system
Twice the power consumption
multiple points of failure

So the system works like this.
I game on the gaming pc graphics are passed to the encoding pc via a pcie Elgato 1080p 60fps card. pretty much 0 latency.
Audio from the gaming pc passes out via 3.5mm speaker jack to the mixer hardware and then into the line in 3.5 of the encoding pc.

OBS the streaming software combines the visuals with the audio and the mic which is also linked to the encoding pc into one smooth stream.
If you have latency between any of the points visual sound and voice can go out of sync.

Main issues

How do I receive Skype calls ?
I mean seriously how do I do it, no mic or headphone on my gaming pc, and skype on my encoding pc doesn't recognise the combined inputs from the mixer.

How do I stream or record VR because that has its own audio and visuals which the elgato can't handle.

 

[Calranthe]

Yes I have OVRDROP actually the latency is almost non existent although I am still problem solving which I love.

But that isn't the problem and yes I have looked at all the guides, the problem is VR output is 4k Elgato capture card I own is ONLY 1080p It will not downscale or cope with anything above, unfortunately I can not afford the 4k version.

OVRDROP is used for hooking and allowing access to twitch chat within the VR it has no way of dealing with my problem.

I have been streaming 17 months on a single pc system and VR.

Now certain games like Half Life alyx create a full screen 1080p version but not many games in VR do that without tweaks and changes.

I could scale openVR plugin but the big issue is this OBS or OBS streamlabs can't hook into VR if VR is on a separate gaming pc.

Just explaining all this so people understand the challenges I am facing on this and what I have already tried a lot of google and reddit guides.

What most people do is this on a dual setup.

Buy a 4k Elgato or equivalent Capture card and Pipe the VR via that. unfortunately a little over my pay grade.

Sadly the old V1 Elgato card I own refuses 4k signal, I would have to buy a hardware downscaler and hdmi spliter and that may not work because VR signal is a weird kind of resolution and shape.

 

[Calranthe]

Don't worry I have a few options to try, easiest will be force a full screen mirror and Elgato will capture that.

 

[Calranthe]

You have an extremely calming way of talking through things on your channel - please do keep it up.

Once all this is setup properly I am going to start reading stories on my channel (old ones like the grim fairy tales which are out of copyright)

Thank you for all the wonderful comments.

 

[Calranthe]

Did you watch the video he shared in this thread talking about his PTSD? It was very moving, and described PTSD very clearly. I had no idea what it was like before. Of course, I still don't, but I feel like I understand a lot better, and that is important.

Thank you to, yourself and everyone else in this thread, if my videos, my experience can help others to understand what it is like to have depression or PTSD, how it feels to be in lockdown for 17 months then it is a good thing, Sadly with how 2020 is going a lot more people are going to be dealing with mental trauma than we have seen for a lot of years.

Here is today's update which includes tweaks to my project I will mess with tomorrow, I think my logic is sound on this but please feel free to chime in and offer advice.
Warning we do have a dogpocalypse during the video as in something comes through the door and we end up with a short time during the video that doggies go psycho.

 

[Calranthe]

A lot of things in your video which I semi relate to today! I can't focus on certain things properly, I have to watch or listen to some things 10 times before the information stays in my head (I was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD as a child, as well as various other things, labels, I can't remember them!) and I can't turn my brain off when I need to, to sleep, etc. I also don't like wearing watches because I'm always aware that its there, which is annoying because I love watches, I have my Mondaine displayed on my notice board, but I don't wear it!

And my computer keeps doing that thing where it loses and re-connects devices all the time, because I have too much stuff connected. But my PC is also about 8 years old.

The dogpocolypse did make me jump.

Hope you have a good rest of your day.

Day went really well, partially setup the single PC setup. yes ADHD/ADD is a real challenge another invisible illness that is very hard to describe. Happy you liked the video.

 

[Calranthe]

My knowledge and expertise is pretty limited,

But I have a basic 2 PC streaming setup using NDI, which sends the video and audio from my gaming PC to the streaming PC over the network.

You would just be limited by network bandwidth then instead of the capture card limitations ?

That is interesting let me look into that thank you.

 

[Calranthe]

No streaming till later due to waiting on parts to arrive, instead I just put together two videos.
First is about my ADHD and Higher Functioning Autism

On a super positive note, I am working on my kitchen PC while this is all going on so that I will be able to do Food videos again.

 

[Calranthe]

Today someone told me on one of my videos that I was whining and complaining because I didn't have a sponsor or money, that I was "hurting my brand" by talking about real life stuff and I should instead do fun videos.

My videos are not for everyone, my videos first and foremost help keep me partially sane, my brain doesn't understand this world we live in so yes some of my videos may cover sponsorship and funding because it seems the only way to be successful on these platforms is to be fake and sign away your soul, to my brain it seems honest people and real stuff should be rewarded so yes now and then my videos will be an outlet to the "why is doing the right thing punished in this world of ours"

I am not a brand, I am just me, and I really do appreciate anyone who watches my videos and it makes a difference to them, you are part of the reason I do this and even if it sounds corny just 1-2 people watching my videos and supporting me with a comment now and then is all I really need.

My Camcorder is my therapist a 24/7 all access where I can stabilize my self and get anything bothering me out in the open, it works for me and those few people like here that it helps them with their lives or problems than that absolutely truly rocks

BTW I am still getting micro stutters with my main camera, so off to tweak my setup again.

 

[Calranthe]

Oh definitely not from here

Project plan, need to look into a 1080p 60fps webcam and then figure out how to fund them for the kitchen cooking program PC.
I may still sell my laptop to fund that.

Probably something like the Logitech Brio but the much cheaper Logitech Streamcam actually looks really good for half the price.


(the big one being the main image of the food cooking, then 1 720p on me the other on the ingredient tray).

Here is my test cooking video using spare parts.

This is one of my old cooking streams using better cameras and a better computer before I had to take it apart for parts. hopefully I can get back to that level of cooking videos again.

 

[Calranthe]

I think that something I tweaked has shifted my primary camera into the red spectrum.

 

[Calranthe]

Okay white balance fixed, all is good, setup is working and we will tweak over time.

oh and first VR text tweak (need to change the resolution and fit it better to the screen losing about 3cm from the bottom.

 

[Calranthe]

Just got my self an index, think im gonna have to get one of those pulley things

Did you get any motion sickness in the SRV on elite ?

I have on tried flying so far

Not at all but motion sickness for most people in VR is either the normal getting use to VR (if you feel at all motion sick stop instantly take a break and ground yourself, eat something, don't try to force through it, it is very like getting your sea legs it takes time, when I first started VR in 2016/15 I couldn't do anything now I can do everything), the other problems is an improperly setup system, only time recently I got motion sick was when I put too many mods on FalloutVR and tested it, the lag and spikes totally messed me up.