Parenting: Am I being too old fashioned/strict?

[Sheff]

Hi everyone, my wife and I are planning on starting a family in the next year or two and I've mentioned that I have one or two... ideas that I'd like to stick to.

1. With dinner/tea I'd like to sit around a table and perhaps talk to my child, right now we eat meals in front of the television which is fine for us but I'd quite like a more traditional approach.

2. No sweets unless they're a treat or special occasion or bought with pocket money, and I refuse to give pocket money if my child misbehaves.

Apparantly I'm being a mean old miser, but I'd like to make my intentions on parenting clear before I go ahead with anything, even though I know most of this will probably be forgotten once the time comes, what do you lot think?

 

[Sheff]

There is a fine balance to strike if you ask me. Maybe don't sit around the table every night but do it a couple of times a week for example. I guess there is no perfect formula so see how it goes. It does seem a bit of a strange thing to think about or discuss before you even have kids though! All plans go out of the window when it actually happens I'm sure.

I did feel a bit odd mentioning it at first, then especially on here but I thought that since we're starting to plan having children we should also think about how we're going to raise them also.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I'm showing them to my wife and she's itching to reply, but she's not replying on my account.

 

[Sheff]

I think you could balance the TV and table thing. Compromise is always good.

Also this is OcUK, so remember your child must receive regular beatings.

I'm sure compromises can be made, I had suggested radio at one point but maybe something could be arranged.

Of course I'll also make sure to have the pasty smashing talk once they're old enough too.

Edit: The fuit and veg thing is a great idea, and it's one that's actually been agreed on!

 

[Sheff]

The sweetie thing is good. I despair when I see parents in supermarkets saying things like "Behave and I'll buy you some sweets" or an equivalent. Kid quickly learns that reward for bad behaviour is a promise of goodies later. As a parent you will be concerned about your children's health and teeth and money - all things that the confectionary industry will not help. I was brought up in the sixties and seventies with fizzy drinks at Birthdays, Easter and Christmas only, and sweets about once per week as a special treat. My teeth were awful - I think due to sugar laden squash and lots of tea with a couple of spoonfuls of sugar in.

Sitting round a table is also a good thing - but very difficult to manage. It used to work in middle class families in the fifties and sixties when a man worked and a woman stayed at home and had time in the afternoon to do the shopping and cooking and setting the table. As a compromise at least go for a major meal at the weekend all around the table.

That's one of the reason's for the sweets rule, my milk teeth were terrible as I was allowed to eat what I wanted, thankfully my parents realised what was going on and so my adult teeth aren't too bad. I'd quite like to make sure I'm starting off on the right track. I know it's going to be hard to manage the meals also, especially as I'm currently working odd shifts but I'm definitely willing to put the effort in.

this is how my wife and i are raising our child

dinner/tea is eaten at the table

i absolutely despise DUMMY'S luckily lewis didn't need one

were quite lucky as our lad would rather eat a banana apple or orange than have sweets/chocolate (loves his fruit and veg)

started very early with a bath bed routine hes 3 in march and is in bed by 7 every night if he wakes in the night he can come in with us for 10 minutes then its back to his bed (which he is fine with)

the biggest mistake you can make is letting your child sleep in your bed
in the long run it will be harder and harder to break the cycle

we have a little girl due at the end of November and will be keeping to our parenting techniqes

good luck its not old and strict its good wholesome practical parenting

Thanks, I hadn't really thought about bedtime routines, again that's going to be another difficult one due to shifts but definitely something we'll have to talk about.

 

[Sheff]

were lucky in that department my wife is an nurse and works every shift morning/evening/night week days and weekends. not all at once though lol

whereas i work 7am - 3.30pm weekdays and no weekends so we can keep up with routines

My wife and I are opposite to you, she has the set hours and I work the odd ones, so any routines we agree on I guess would mostly be down to her. Hopefully it won't be a case of "quick, eat your chocolate before your dad comes home!".

We started with no tv then tv crept in because our son would not eat dinner unless we kept the TV running. But in the end it got too much now we are stricter and TV goes off before dinner and doesn't come on again until after we are finished even if he decides not to eat.

Also when TV is on it's zombie mode you don't get a word out of him.

I miss the days when there were 3 channels and kids TV was limited to 3 hours sat morning and 2 hours weekdays.

My parents had it easy.


For pocket money he's only 4 so that hasn't started being an issue yet but he does have to do some small chores like lego away etc.

Sounds reasonable. If I ever have kids they won't be allowed to watch TV until they hit puberty (unless there's something on that I think would be good for them).

Again that's something we haven't really discussed much but I think I'd much rather encourage interests or activities rather than television, and we disagree on when/if they should be allowed tvs in their room.

 

[Sheff]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I think it may be helping as my wife seems to be thinking a lot more about how we're going to raise children rather than only planning up to the start of it.

I think our views differ a lot as my wife got pretty much everthing her own way when she was younger, she even ate dinner in her bedroom on her own from her early teens!

@Slime101: I'm living in buckland right now but we'll definitely want to move to somewhere a bit quieter and somewhere that I can finally have the space to build a new rig

I realise not everything is going to go to plan but I definitely want to have an understanding as this will probably be the most important thing I do in my life (raising children that is, not building a new pc...).