Please tell me im being stupid

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2005
Posts
14,576
Location
Stoke on Trent
This could be a long one so bear with me.

A few years ago my wife and i split for 6 months after i found out she was being unfaithful.

Anyhow got back together and all has been fine since then, i think. She often goes her mums for the weekend and i go off out with my mates.

Now i look after the finances, this means that on her payday she gives me her bank card and i pay all the bills and do the shopping. Same when i get paid. She does grumbe about giving me her card but i say every week, well come town and do it yourself. She pretty much always says no she cant be bothewred to go, so i shop and pay bills alone. Not a problem i enjoy doing it. When she goes her mums before were due to be paid she leaves her card with me so i can do the stuff as normal. She dosent usually moan at this.

Now fast forward to last sunday, the 23rd. Shes at her mums and i ring to see what bus shes getting back. Shes a little frosty saying shes fed up of arguing and the kids never having anything :confused: News to me, yeah we do argue now and again - who dosent, but if the kids need stuff she tells me and we make sure they get it, so not sure whres shes coming from, yeah things are very tight but i cant miss the bills, its not like we starve. Bear in mind shes left before and i can tell shes thinking of not coming back again. But we talk and she comes home. She says she never said she wasnt coming back, true, she didnt but its just the feeling i got.

Now her mums come over today and kerrys gone back to her house with her over 20 miles away. Now me being paranoid, i think i'll have a see what clothes shes taking for the kids. And i find all her id stuffed into her changing bag :( I ask her what shes got it for and she says im being paranoid. So think ok, fine.

Then i ask if i can have her card as usual to do shopping tomorrow. This time she says no but not to worry she will be back as usual and she wants to do shopping with me.

Im probably being stupid but i can feel it in my gut that shes not going to be back. Ive not really found any evidence to support my fears, her stuff is still here including the id, maternity folder and all the kids stuff.

Im rerally worried the kids are due back at school on thursday so i just hope and pray she comes back as im going to be finished without her. We moved last year and the last thing i want is to be in a big 3 bed house by myself. My hearts already breaking and i dont really have anyone else to talk to. I just love my wife and my kids and the baby thats on its way :(

Worst of all i had a health scare a couple of days ago and i havent told her about it, i wanted to talk to her tonight about it. Im just scared and feeling very lonley at the moment :(
 
:( sounds like a really bad one.

I'm too inexperienced to suggest anything which will be helpful to you.

But you've got my sympathy if that means anything to you.

Good luck.
 
Sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment. :(

Here's hoping that all this will be suitably resolved when you and your lady finally have time to sit down and chat about things.

All the best mate
 
We talked before she went and she swore she was coming home tomorrow but i cant help feeling she was just saying it so i wouldnt cause a fuss when she went. I really hope im wrong :(
 
Sounds like you've had a lot come at once there mate. Sorry about your situation, it's an unenviable one at the best of times.

How well do you get on with her mother? Could you have a word with her about what is happening, just to allay your fears?

Also hope the health scare you mention isn't anything too bad.
 
Sounds a tough situation, no experience myself because im like sherlock homes nothing gets past me and i find out everything at home and with my mates, even though they try.

Im sure everything will be ok though mate.
 
Do you have any friends and family you can confide in.

We can't really help you here on the forums over such matters.

I'd love to say everything will be alright but you need RL friends at the moment perhaps talk to some of your RL mates see what they think.

Whatever happens remember there are kids involved and try to do what's best for them despite you and your wife's ups and downs.
 
Gilly said:
Sounds like you've had a lot come at once there mate. Sorry about your situation, it's an unenviable one at the best of times.

How well do you get on with her mother? Could you have a word with her about what is happening, just to allay your fears?

Also hope the health scare you mention isn't anything too bad.
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I dont get on with the mother at all, she would happily help her to leave. She tried to sabotage our wedding as well. Shes not a nice person at all.

I just rang kez and she still swears shes coming home so only time will tell.

ive researced the medical thing on the internet and ive pretty much diagnosed myself but i really need her support to get through it. Worst thing is the fear that it will happen again and be much worse and have nobody there to help me

Ive only got 2 real friends and i dont want to bother them really, i thionk theyre fed up of me crying on thier shoulder already :(
 
Well whatever happens you've always got here to vent. Don't forget there are trained counsellors available free if things get on top of you and you want to speak to a real voice.
 
Voltar said:
:( sounds like a really bad one.

I'm too inexperienced to suggest anything which will be helpful to you.

But you've got my sympathy if that means anything to you.

Good luck.
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What a refreshingly cool post, good on ya mate :cool:

My take.
Stressing about it won't do you or your health situation any good at all. I think you've done a good thing by posting & getting it off your chest & i am hoping this thread will be enough to destress you enough to be cool.
I don't think you should approach her or her mum about it & just rest easy. You Have to be the nice bloke she fell in love with not a stressy over paranoid worrier, I mean that in the Nicest possible way mate i am not having a go at all.
Busy yourself around the house, Make it nice for her & the kids to come back to. Do the shopping & plan a couple of nice home cooked meals, Be Happy to see her. Shelve those worrys until something bad actually happens & like i say be the man she fell in love with.
Good Luck :)
 
Yeah i see what youre saying malc, i will certainly make sure the house is nice to come back to. Cant do any shopping tho as shes took the bank card with her and i only have a whole 8p until friday :(

Im trying not to think about it but im not going to get much sleep with all the worrying im doing
 
I hope everything works out for you, you seem very sincere and you don't deserve to feel like you are doing. Perhaps you need to sit down and open up to her tell her your feelings. Keeping feelings inside and not sorting out a problem can have consquences so it might be worth just getting her sitting her down and discussing this..
 
Don't feel so bad mate i only have 3p till friday :D I win something :p
Glad you get me though because it's so easy to end up acting like someone your partner can despise especially for us men. We are s'posed to be the Rock & when they see you all clingy & weak it puts them right off.
At times like these it's much better to be warm, strong & natural rather than paranoid stressy & clingy.
 
Am I the only one that doesn't get having a single bank card, and her having it though you do all the finances? :confused:
 
Things sound tough mate :(

It's hard to offer support when I don't really know you but if you want to talk to anyone confidentially about things then my email is in trust :)

I reckon the best thing for you and the wife would be if you showed her your OP. She might understand how you are feeling. Her reading it is less embarassing for you, brings up things without raising the tension too much and gets the whole thing across without a row. Just a thought.
 
Gilly said:
Am I the only one that doesn't get having a single bank card, and her having it though you do all the finances? :confused:
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No we have seperate accounts, my pay goes into mine on a friday, and she gets hers ( tax credits and child benefit ) on a tuesday.

She keeps her card and gives it to me on tuesdays to go and shop and sort bills out, unless on the very rare occasion ahe comes with me. She trusts me with it so its just strange that this time she didnt want me to have it.

But like i say she did say she wanted to come tomorrow so maybe im just thinking to much into things

Wouldnt be so bad if i wasnt on holiday from work this week as that would take my mind of it
 
Only advice I can offer is not to let doubt and worry get the better of you. The more you keep checking up on her and asking her if she's comming home etc, then the more likely it is that she'll think things aren't working between you.

Try to be positive - try to do things together, cook a meal for her, go out for a walk together, treat her to a relaxing evening one night. I know it can be hard to find time, especially with kids, but even small things like having a bath and some candles ready for her when she comes home will undoubtedly be appreciated. And most importantly....talk. Don't dwell on problems, but try to focus on things you'd both like to improve or change.

The only other thing I'd add is that situations like this often make you realise how dependant you can become on one other person. When you're with someone for a long time it can be easy to start taking them and other friends for granted. But when you start to think about losing them you realise how much of your day to day life is spent together and how different things would be without them.

I really hope everything works out for you.
 
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