Please tell me im being stupid

Whatever you do mate, make sure you seek advise for the medical problem you've identified. Don't forget about it, sure you don't need to be told that, but it can't do any harm.

Good luck with whatever happens.
 
malc30 said:
What a refreshingly cool post, good on ya mate :cool:

My take.
Stressing about it won't do you or your health situation any good at all. I think you've done a good thing by posting & getting it off your chest & i am hoping this thread will be enough to destress you enough to be cool.
I don't think you should approach her or her mum about it & just rest easy. You Have to be the nice bloke she fell in love with not a stressy over paranoid worrier, I mean that in the Nicest possible way mate i am not having a go at all.
Busy yourself around the house, Make it nice for her & the kids to come back to. Do the shopping & plan a couple of nice home cooked meals, Be Happy to see her. Shelve those worrys until something bad actually happens & like i say be the man she fell in love with.
Good Luck :)
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I think this is the best peice of advice in this post.

I would like to mirror everyone elses good will and intentions in this post. I hope you get on mate and work through this tough time for you. I hope that everything works out for you and the family.

Again I don't know how helpful I can be but being a newish member to this forum I can still definatley say that you have a lot of friends on here.
 
There are more problems than just this immediate period of time.
You do not trust her else you would believe her.

You should talk to her about any underlying issues that she has, get them on the table asap.
 
romperstomper said:
you sound a bit desperate and needy mate ,ok you can't help this but its not an attractive attribute to a women . Your insecurity's may well be the doom of you relationship !
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I totally disagree (not having a pop at you though all the same ;)). The lady has cheated in the past (and lets face it, you said 'cheating' rather than 'one night stand' or 'accident'). There are also kids involved. His only neediness has come from what he has said on here, and it is backed up by some strange behavious. There is something not quite right and despite what a lot will say, your gut instinct is generally the right one. I personally, would get her round and rather than 'trying to be the man she married' and all that crap, have a serious conversation together. Say that, she has to understand why you feel the way you do, also why did she have all her ID in her bag at any one time? either she is applying for something (credit/mortgage) or perhaps you are in fact correct? Either way, you need to get this sorted! From your comments, it does sound like she is 'tired' of the stress and 'financial' issues in the relationship. I also don't think its that healthy that she spends whole weekends at her mothers and you have whole weekends away too (who looks after the kids?) Should you not be spending weekends together? If every weekend she is away with mates, while you are stuck at home with the kids, she is easily not going to want to come back.

You have to sit down with her and have it out, once and for all. It sounds like you are the 'glue' to your whole relationship, but there must come a time where you are happy too! I am also a strong believer of once a cheater always a cheater.
 
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Kids go to her mums with her, and i go out so im not in the house on my own. if she didnt go her mums id stay in, or we'd go out together and get a sitter.
 
Ah okay I see. Even so, don't you think you both should be doing stuff together at weekends like the rest of the population? Otherwise, the only time you are spending together as a proper family is the stressful times, evenings after a days work.

I really do think you need a proper sit down. This thoughts are never going to just go away, with you blocking it out and putting it to one side. They will just fester, and then you will land up reacting at the worst possible time. Confront your fears and organise a proper sit down with her. Drop the kids to her mums. And both of you go out for a drink and a serious chat. Say to her that she has to respect that fact you may have a few insecurities and without bringing up to much about her affair, tell her she needs to take responsibility with her actions. Rather than just her saying "you are being insecure" or "don't you trust me", she could just tell you, saving all that issue. Its on her back, to fix the damage she previously done. Not saying she owes you, but she does owe you respect, and that comes with her being honest and not questioning how you feel and over a period of time that disappearing as the trust DOES need to build back up.

I really wish you all the best, and as I have said previously sit down and get it sorted. Otherwise, you will both land up being miserable. And that is hardly great for your children. If its worth saving, its worth saving, but you have BOTH got to put in the work! :)

EDIT: I gave up smoking on friday, so am a bit blunter than what I would normally be. Having re-read my post I still agree with what I have said, although want to add, that this is only my opinion, you have to do whats right for you. Best of Luck fella!
 
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Crap, unlucky dude.

The way you come across in this post is the reason I wouldn't get back with someone who'd cheated on me. You shouldn't have to be sat there wondering if she's coming back and having to categorically ask her if she is. I really hope everything works out for you because she's evidently what you want, but it seems that you have some pretty deep issues with her that need to be addressed. She obviously knows that you feel the way you do, my girlfriend would be very concerned if I was worried that she wasn't coming home, but seems to think that placating you is the best way to deal with the situation.

Best of luck, anyway.
 
Mate, you sound like you've got a lot on your mind and there doesn't seem to be a lot of trust between you and your missus. Sounds like you've been through a lot, but in my opinion this isn't how you should feel in a happy marriage - might be worth talking it through with her to say how you feel? If its going to end then its going to end and you should probably get it over and done with as soon as possible. On the other hand, this could all be paranoia which talking to her about it would resolve! All the best mate and I hope things work out for you
 
Chin up fella! Im also too unexperienced at this kind of stuff but i always tell myself when things get bad that it COULD be an awful lot wrose.

Hope it all works out dude.
 
Well ive been my dads for tea, which cheered me up a bit as i cant really get upset in front of my parents

She rang me while i was there and she still insists that shes coming back. She knows how i feel as im the kind of person that likes to get stuff out in the open its her really that clams up.

I do trust her, i mean i dont think shes got anyone else on the go and she did say that if she didnt want to be with me then she wouldnt be, even if i screamed the house down.

Someone did hit the nail on the head with one thing tho, the only time we spend together is the stressful times when the kids are here. They dont help things especially when they play up at bedtime. She starts shouting and then i retreat to my PC room before i get it as well. I feel a bit as if shes the kids main diciplinary person and if i try to interfere or do things my way then im in the wrong. When she punishes them its like she uses me. For example, me and the kids are HUGE Dr Who fans. Whenever its on were there and silence decends on the house. But if the kids misbehave she says right time for bed youre not watching TV with your dad. But its me shes punishing as well as the kids

I wish we could go out together, we always used to but when i suggest we go out she pulls her face, yet if her mate asked she'd be there. it does make me feel a bit 2nd best but in all this she insists she loves me, and i love her too, id do anything for her. I go out at the weekend and guess how much i spend - a fiver. She keeps wanting to go out with her mates but gets upset when i try to explain that we just dont have £20 for her to go, even if i stayed in a fiver wouldnt be enough, a taxi at night is likely to be more than that.

Its our 5th wedding anniversary on May 14th and i want to do something really special for her. I had suggested renewing our vows but i dont think she was too keen, maybe coz she thinks it will cost a fortune.

And lets not forget her hormones - shes 24 weeks pregnant and i guess that makes her tetchy at times
 
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James07 said:
Chin up fella! Im also too unexperienced at this kind of stuff but i always tell myself when things get bad that it COULD be an awful lot wrose.

Hope it all works out dude.
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At the moment im flitting between my pc room and the living room. Cant settle in either :(

Im just so bored, i seem to have lost the heart to do anything. Im fighting back the tears again and i dont know why, its like i feel weve already broken up. I just wish i had a mate close by that i could just go and pour my heart out to, i think i just need a good cry. Problem is our mates are mutual mates :(Once ive got through tonight i think i will be ok as tomorrow i will have hope.
 
OcUK Group Hug Anybody :)

We need DonSmiley to give us that little group hug smiley thing.
I'll hold up my lighter for effect :D
 
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