Pointless Instructions

wordy · 29 Nov 2006 at 15:38

[DOD]Asprilla said:
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

*waits for someone to stop the chainsaw with their face*

Dr_Evil · 29 Nov 2006 at 16:53

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

only for those with balls of steel...

Irish_Tom · 29 Nov 2006 at 16:58

On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

Best one of the lot

Panzer

nin9abadga · 29 Nov 2006 at 16:59

lol on the side of a crisp packet, a large graphic showing the type of crisp inside with the small print underneath "not actual size"

wez130 · 29 Nov 2006 at 18:25

on a pack of sesame seed buns - warning may contain sesame seeds

touch · 29 Nov 2006 at 18:28

danza · 29 Nov 2006 at 18:38

touch said:
bah

On a sheep?

paradigm · 29 Nov 2006 at 18:43

Saw a good one on our christmas lights (not up yet so don't start!):

"for indoor or outdoor use only"

As opposed to where exactly :confused:

Welshy · 29 Nov 2006 at 18:51

Was just thinking about this literally five minutes ago.

Went to make a sandwich, opened a pack of ham, and there was instructions on how to make a sandwich on the inside of the wrapper :confused:

Angus-Higgins · 29 Nov 2006 at 19:37

It could be helpful, some foods require you to stir them and heat again, by saying "Serve", people know that you don't have to do this, and therefore can serve the food without worrying.

Angus Higgins

ChoÞÞer · 29 Nov 2006 at 19:58

wez130 said:
on a pack of sesame seed buns - warning may contain sesame seeds

lol

WillyNelson · 29 Nov 2006 at 20:10

paradigm said:
Saw a good one on our christmas lights (not up yet so don't start!):

"for indoor or outdoor use only"

As opposed to where exactly

Try having them indoors and outdoors at the same time. then you're in trouble!

JKD · 29 Nov 2006 at 21:05

On a ride on mower we used to have: 'Please avoid serious death or injury'

wtf??!

surfsquid · 29 Nov 2006 at 21:15

Gotta love engrish.com!

Snash · 29 Nov 2006 at 22:31

Or on packets of minced beef - "Great for Recipes" :rolleyes:

yermum · 29 Nov 2006 at 22:34

On a bottle of hob cleaner, it said 'Do not use while cooking surface is hot', so we rang the help line and asked why, as we thought that it might give off fumes or something. They told us that this was because you might burn yourself.

Phalanx · 29 Nov 2006 at 22:36

Game manuals always say.

Take a 15 minute break after every hour of gameplay.

LAWL

Energize · 29 Nov 2006 at 23:25

paradigm said:
Saw a good one on our christmas lights (not up yet so don't start!):

"for indoor or outdoor use only"

As opposed to where exactly

Underwater? In space?

Neoni · 29 Nov 2006 at 23:28

SexyGreyFox · 30 Nov 2006 at 00:29

One of my jobs on a NPI (New Product Introduction) is to read instruction books from the front page to the back and look for errors or anything that might be missing. It is then my job to pass on the relevant information to different departments to make sure the instruction book is correct and the company can't be held responsible for customer error. Its quite funny that I have to completely empty my head of all thoughts and take on the role of a Port Vale fan and become completely brainless and then start from scratch to operate a product by readinng the book.
There are thousands if not millions worldwide that look for errors themselves and make claims and there are also those who are clueless.

eg - I turned the tap on the gas hob to 'on' but nothing happened until five minutes later when I realised the book didn't tell me to press the ignition button and it blew up and burnt my kitchen down.

or

I used the hob cleaner while the hob was red hot and I badly burnt my hand.