-
Notice regarding image hosts and attachments. See here.
Quality joke thread!
- Thread starter Angilion
- Start date
Associate
- Joined
- 10 Feb 2003
- Posts
- 1,069
- Location
- skelmersdale
what wears checked trousers , has one glass eye and sits in the kitchen?
Rupert the washing machine
Rupert the washing machine
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Feb 2008
- Posts
- 1,754
What is green and hairy and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift.
A gooseberry in a lift.
Soldato
- Joined
- 10 Jan 2004
- Posts
- 10,038
- Location
- Poland
What's grey and cant climb trees?
A carpark
A carpark
Permabanned
- Joined
- 15 Sep 2010
- Posts
- 2,691
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!
Not everyone's been in a 747!
Associate
- Joined
- 1 Sep 2011
- Posts
- 955
- Location
- Peterborough
About six months ago, myself and a few friends were off to Alton Towers for a lads day out.
On the way we had to stop for petrol so my mate pulled into the garage and started to put Diesel into the tank. Now this being his girlfriends car he forgot it took unleaded. Upon realising his mistake he whipped out the diesel pump which caused some of it to splash up his arm.
He then filled up with the unleaded, paid and we were on our way.
Five minutes later he sparks up a cigarette causing his arm to catch fire! - Winding down the window he puts his arm out to try and blow out the flames.
Literally seconds later the blue lights and sirens were behind us, pulled us over and arrested our driver!
What for?
Posession of a firearm
Only joke i can properly remember! Ha ha!
On the way we had to stop for petrol so my mate pulled into the garage and started to put Diesel into the tank. Now this being his girlfriends car he forgot it took unleaded. Upon realising his mistake he whipped out the diesel pump which caused some of it to splash up his arm.
He then filled up with the unleaded, paid and we were on our way.
Five minutes later he sparks up a cigarette causing his arm to catch fire! - Winding down the window he puts his arm out to try and blow out the flames.
Literally seconds later the blue lights and sirens were behind us, pulled us over and arrested our driver!
What for?
Posession of a firearm
Only joke i can properly remember! Ha ha!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert, they stop, Tonto climbs down and puts his ear to the ground. After a minute, he says, "Buffalo come". The Lone Ranger says, "How do you know?" Tonto says, "Face sticky”.
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,912
- Location
- Auckland
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
None.
Associate
- Joined
- 30 Dec 2012
- Posts
- 1,153
- Location
- midlands
One of my all time favourites but usualy as
Man walks into a bar and says Bloody Hell that hurt.
Never heard that one before but love it.