Quick CV go-ahead?

shifty_uk

shifty_uk

shifty_uk

Soldato
Joined
27 Sep 2004
Posts
13,765
Location
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Getting fairly tired of my current position due to management, need a change of scenery!

Profile
I am a University student with excellent retail experience working for prominent, service focused brands. I am enthusiastic and enjoy greatly, working with consumers and product. I have undertook a varied selection of roles from service to the daily running of departments. Over the coming years I wish to complete my Degree and undertake a Masters in Marketing or similar.

Statement
Whilst studying it is my intent to continue working and developing in retail. Having experienced a brand focused primarily on providing exceptional service, I feel I have an aptitude for dealing with consumers effectively. I have also been heavily involved in a wide array of responsibilities which included merchandising, working heavily with product from clothing to footwear and the running of large departments. I have commitment, strong work ethics and communication.

Any good?


Edit: Damn, wrong section :\
 
Put in a comma after studying in the 2nd bit.

Statement
Whilst studying, it is my intent to continue working and developing in retail.
 
University doesn't have a capital letter.

'enjoy greatly, blah blah' is archaic and doesn't sound particularly eloquent.

You have undertook nothing. Undertaken ... and then a comma before from.

Degree doesn't have a capital. Neither does masters. Technically marketing doesn't either, as the subject isn't a language, but most people do this, so you can let it slip if you like.

Comma after responsibilities - generally you have commas before 'which' but not in front of 'that' in the same circumstance.

Products rather than product - I'm doubting you only dealt with one.

'a work ethic' and 'communication skills'
 
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