Quick Friday afternoon joke
- Thread starter ^TANK^
- Start date
What is the fastest game ever invented? Pass the parcel at a Taliban's birthday party
I'll get my coat.
Good one & don't come back until you think about what you did.
I hope it's flame-proof
.... and bomb-proof.
A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son. His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son. His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
Grim. :|
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little maths test.
“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Withouta numbers?” the Italian says, “Datsa easy.” and he proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Ave you gotta no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,” says the Italian man.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere youa go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little doga come along and poopa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data maka one hundred. So, whenna I start?"
I go getta ma coat.
“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Withouta numbers?” the Italian says, “Datsa easy.” and he proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Ave you gotta no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,” says the Italian man.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere youa go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little doga come along and poopa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data maka one hundred. So, whenna I start?"
I go getta ma coat.
Got a smirk from me, though that may say more about me than the joke...
Why do Essex girls take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the Essex girl have a sore navel?
Because her boyfriend was also from Essex.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
The Essex girl has the higher sperm count.
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the Essex girl have a sore navel?
Because her boyfriend was also from Essex.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
The Essex girl has the higher sperm count.
I kid you not this was an actual conversation from this morning.
We were talking about phobias and one of my female colleagues divulges she is scared of clowns to which my boss instantly says:
"Well thats understandable, you know what they say about men and their feet? Who'd want to get raped by a clown?"
Cracked me up
We were talking about phobias and one of my female colleagues divulges she is scared of clowns to which my boss instantly says:
"Well thats understandable, you know what they say about men and their feet? Who'd want to get raped by a clown?"
Cracked me up
How do you know a blondes been using a computer? The Joystick is wet
Abandon thread! She be sinking fast! All hands to the puns!
A worried priest goes to the doctor with a small white hard lump on his penis. The doctor gets a pair of tweezers and picks up the lump, examines it,and turns to the anxious priest and says, "Nothing to worry about, it's only a milk tooth."
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Nov 2007
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- London
Jokes need to be long, im sick of these one line nonsense like all the american and canadian comedians seem to love.
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"
The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"
The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"