In your case the VRAM usage is Allocated vs Dedicated.
Allocated its filling the VRAM with what it thinks it might need later.
Dedicated is what the GPU is actually streaming, if you look at that it never actually goes over 8.5GB.
So 8.5GB is what's actually needed, the other 1.5GB is just something the GPU has pre-loaded but isn't actually using at the time, so while yes your VRAM is full it doesn't actually need to be, its just making use of spare capacity because (just in case)
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This is an example of VRAM buffer over spill to System RAM, the game at given setting (changed from 1440P to 4K) needs more than the card has so its shunted it to system RAM which is much slower and that created a massive performance bottleneck, just as you explain with tommys 3080
its unrecoverable, i don't know why that is, there could be all sorts of reasons for it most of which i probably don't understand, only the devs of the game know what is going on there and maybe its something they need to look in to, my guess is once once the system RAM has been employed as a buffer it can't revert back to its previous state without a game restart.
Edit: one other thing, when running close to buffer capacity the GPU is having to swap files a lot, it can't just store unused files that are either streamed out or pre-loaded and scrub or use when convenient, it needs to load and stream only what it actually needs at a given time.
Over time that can lead to render stalls, where assets aren't scrubbed out fast enough before it needs to fetch the next file, that will cause a stall as the render waits for that task to be completed, you would see that as stutter.
Its why i hate the (you only need) argument, its a sort of 'That'll do' argument, it will but its better to have spare capacity so the system can swap files. you get a smoother game.
Edit 2: when he changes from 1440P to 4K you see his VRAM go from 7.5GB to 7.8GB and system RAM from 11.8GB to 12.8GB.
I would expect to see that but when he reduces the graphics settings to try and recover frame rates his System RAM stays at near 13GB, which suggests what i said earlier, the system isn't able to reverse the System RAM buffer allocation without a game restart.
https://youtu.be/lbQBmuYrzOM?t=487