relationship advice

Soldato
Joined
25 Sep 2006
Posts
14,451
Hi guys, im not normally one for asking for this sort of help on a hardware forum, but all my flatmates are still asleep and im a little confused.

I'll give you some history and then the problem. Im in my first year of uni, theres been a few girls but after a few weeks ive broken it off as ive realised ive wanted to stay single, I had a messy break up a year ago and havent been in a 'proper' relationship scince.

Anyway, im in the gym a lot and notice a girl whos a friend of a friend of a friend. We all end up playing pool last sunday. Shes 5 ft 2, cute as hell as an amazing smile and georgous eyes. Its obvious we both like each other and a week passes and we grow closer. I kissed her a few times, we watched films and cuddled and its been really nice. It felt like the beginning of a relationship starting to bloom. I find out she broke up with an ex about 2 weeks ago, because he got very posessive threw drinks on her, pulled her hair even bruised her so obviousley she saw sense. Hes finding it hard to let go and has even been asking me personal questions about me and her, and is even so insecure is asking me which weights i use in the gym etc etc! He's stick thin and im 5 ft 10 and 13 stone (stocky/muscley build) so i think he is intimated by me.

More to the point - out last night and she meets us with her best friend for drinks, she doesnt have a lot to say to me, so 2 + 2, at the next bar, im almost ignored and at this point am getting quite drunk. Her ex is there at this bar, and she is talking quite intimatley with his best mate which makes me:confused: More drinks me and a friend thought! which i now regret.

I asked her friend what the hell was going on, and she explained she's still **** scared of her ex because of the violence. She explains scince she was 15 shes been in and out of relationships and wants to be single for a little while and that im best off staying in the 'friend zone' and waiting a few weeks and giving her space, but also to not not see othergirls or etc etc because of her. Apparently she likes jack the lads and being treated like dirt, and i fill one of those too, im a nice guy which shes not used to. She says 'i wish i'd met you a month later' which makes my heart sink.

I finally talk to the girl her self and she says she really likes me and i made it quite clear I liked her too. She says exactley what her friend told me, and i said she doesnt need to be scared of me because im not a violent ****. We all walk back to a friends, im sick in his bathroom, joy, sick walking back to mine, sick all over my bathroom, which luckily is a wet room and here i am this morning.

So what would you guys do, im in a tricky situation. I like her and she likes me, but she wants to be single for a while (not to get some no pants dance action - just because she wants to be single). It could be weeks or months before she decides shes ready to settle down in a relationship. Do i keep waiting for her, for god knows how long? or do i move on? ( i know its been just over a week but we got on brilliantley and all ive done is think about her)
I dont want to move on and then a week later have her tell me shes ready.

Sorry for the excessive length of this post, if youve managed to stay awake through it i welcome your replies:)

Benny C
 
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Personally I would play it cool, be a friend to her and a sounding board but at the same time I wouldn't reserve myself just for her, go out and have fun and if you happen to meet someone else then so be it. You say you don't want to move on and then a week later her say shes ready.....sorry but you can't be to into the girl if you can move on like that.

It's unfair of anyone to expect you to stay single/faithful when there is nothing between you two, it just sound to me at the moment she wants "her cake and eat it" kind of situation, waiting around for something that may or may not happen is not something I'd entertain.
 
Personally I would play it cool, be a friend to her and a sounding board but at the same time I wouldn't reserve myself just for her, go out and have fun and if you happen to meet someone else then so be it. You say you don't want to move on and then a week later her say shes ready.....sorry but you can't be to into the girl if you can move on like that.

It's unfair of anyone to expect you to stay single/faithful when there is nothing between you two, it just sound to me at the moment she wants "her cake and eat it" kind of situation, waiting around for something that may or may not happen is not something I'd entertain.


I'm not saying i could move on at the drop of a hat! dont get me wrong it'l take a while. Just spoke to my flatemate and she said she sounds like a player, which is right i guess, and i cant stand be ****ed around
 
I'd say stick it out, at least for a while. I had that with my last gf, that she didn't want to go out for me due to her ex being violent(Didn't actually know this until we were WELL into our relationship mind you, she just said it was for some reason not relating with me heh). So waiting for that month and a bit before we said we were going out was well worth it for me.

Is she still happy to carry on watching the movies/cuddling etc, or even just watching movies and hanging out? Just so she can grow more comfortable and confident around you, and help forget about what happened with her ex.

Mind you, it is quite hard to judge people from a few paragraphs on a forum lol, she may be a complete player, and screwing you around. But the fact she was scared of her ex, and that you're bigger than him, may just scare her a little, especially considering her size.
 
Tell her to make her move or lose her chance because you're worth more than hanging around for something which might never happen
 
Tell her to make her move or lose her chance because you're worth more than hanging around for something which might never happen

Absolutely.

If you agree to sit around waiting then you're giving off wussy signals.

:Edit: Best thing to do is tell her that you aint gonna wait around for her, but do it anyway :)
 
Absolutely.

If you agree to sit around waiting then you're giving off wussy signals.

:Edit: Best thing to do is tell her that you aint gonna wait around for her, but do it anyway :)

hehe, yeah that usually works if they are actually interested in you.
 
Some good advice there, thanks.

'Is she still happy to carry on watching the movies/cuddling etc, or even just watching movies and hanging out? Just so she can grow more comfortable and confident around you, and help forget about what happened with her ex.'

I dont know, I cant cuddle someone and all that stuff with out growing closer/falling for them more.

I was not going to go out tonight, but ive decided im not going to mope around over her sat in my room! If i see her ill tell her straight, i still like her, but im not going to wait around for something that might not happen.

thanks guys :)
 
ask her out and explain that your happy to take it slow or for her to dictate the speed at which you guys progress.

carry on as you are, watching movies, cuddling and doing whatever feels right... she'll come round... set yourself a time frame, if she doesnt come round by then, then just stick to being mates.

sounds just like how I met my lady friend :p
 
ask her out and explain that your happy to take it slow or for her to dictate the speed at which you guys progress.

carry on as you are, watching movies, cuddling and doing whatever feels right... she'll come round... set yourself a time frame, if she doesnt come round by then, then just stick to being mates.

sounds just like how I met my lady friend :p

this is the thing i dont know if she wants to carry on as we were because we were kind of a couple, or if she just wants to cool it right off and be friends. Soon as i know whats happening i'll let you know.
 
Tell her to make her move or lose her chance because you're worth more than hanging around for something which might never happen

correct. If she doesn't want you now it times to keep looking about for someone new cus she will just keep you hanging on and eventually get with someone else
 
Play it cool, txt or call *only* to arrange meeting up (no "morning, how R U hugz" stuff), enjoy her company when you're together (be that nekkid or otherwise ;)), use a first come first serve policy with making arrangements with others (ie. don't bomb out of a night out with mates to go and see her) and most importantly put that extra testosterone to good use in the gym!! :D

EDIT: And stay out of the ex situation altogether! The fact he's a tool has nothing to do with you - for once in your life, don't be ALPHA!! :p
 
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She's told you to wait to see if she thinks your worth it or not:confused:

Tell her to make her move or lose her chance because you're worth more than hanging around for something which might never happen

This man is correct. Who the **** is she to dictate to you want you do when your not and probably will not be seeing her in the future.
 
I'm not saying i could move on at the drop of a hat! dont get me wrong it'l take a while. Just spoke to my flatemate and she said she sounds like a player, which is right i guess, and i cant stand be ****ed around
M8 player pure and simple, girls that like guys who treat them like ***t are all the same, and thats not me with a synicle head thats experience for yer! My ex was one of them and i put up with her lies and ***t for 3 yrs m8 ;)

Dont be mug and get sucked in by her looks, Trust me!

The one thing ive learnt is dont get sucked in before they do!
 
Que Sera Sera! Mon ami.

Continue as is, i.e. single if you two come together then great, if you happen to meet someone else then great! If neither of the above then so what! You're what 18/19?
 
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