Relationship rubbish

rossyl

rossyl

rossyl

Soldato
Joined
27 Oct 2002
Posts
4,280
Location
London
Well not sure the point in this, just need to get stuff off my chest.

To be honest I don't know what's going on.

Been dating same girl for a while now. Recently things have gotten a bit bad. Basically we were never going out, she always said that she can't deal with that at the moment yet. She's just moved city, just started new job, etc. But for about 2months we were doing everything you'd expect of a couple. Anyways then things took a dip, and it just so coincided with the really nice christmas presents i bought her. (she did also buy me presents but the ones i bought were better!)
She said this has made her feel a bit pressured, and she still isn't ready for a relationship. And consequently she's felt the need to back off.

one of ugd presents was expensive tickets. She said she'd like to contribute. Later i said that it may not be the case we go at all by that stage in time. She asked why and seemed a bit upset.

thing is obviously i like this girl and while we continue to have our non-relationship i'm just in a state of limbo, and to be honest i constantly feel hurt. I don't want to set her an ultimatum, as i know that she does care about me and does like me, and it will end things. But if i do nothing i carry on feeling like rubbish.

currently (as in 2hours ago) i've decided not to text her back and avoid her at work a bit (yes working together doesn't help) and give her 100% space, with minimal contact. I'll be civil and respond to her work emails, say hi and chat, but in an aloof non flirty way. If she asks me out then Great. If not it will be awful to deal with.

But by giving her time etc i am living in hope that's she'll ask me out and whilst she doesn't i'll feel hurt, and to be honest i think about it all so damn much i can barely sleep. So that's not too good for me.

So what do i do?

Do i just end things and try and get over her, and realise that it's never going to happen. But then i'll be left always thinking, what if i'd just given her time as she asked.

or do i leave myself feeling like rubbish and give her space.

oh, i don't know. So confused.
 
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Sounds exactly what I'm going through at the moment except mine said she really wants to be with me and "loves me" :confused: - we see each other after work and during the week but at weekends - zip, dead, nothing...hardly a text msg, I feel bad (not to mention pathetic) for constantly sending her msgs only to have them all but ignored with the occasional "What are you up to" text (which i am sure are just to keep me off her back) - I have to be careful not to beg for her to text back sometimes. it really gets me down.

Basically I'm in a similar boat and I am thinking soon I will have to confront her about this and give an ultimatum with respect to "getting together properly".

Sorry I can't really be of any help but I guess you can be safe in the knowledge that you're not the only one.

In your situation, I'd always give the girl the time she asks for. I'm currently doing even more than that for my current one (she keeps insisting I find someone else but I've had others say that just because of lack of confidence with no other side effects such as above...maybe one day I'll take that advice and actually call it a day with her)
 
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Thanks for that mate. Good luck with yours. At least she's said a littled bit how she feels.

Interestingly i've been to manchester a few times recently.

EDIT-To go and see a mate at uni.

I think she wonders why exactly i'm going there. When i mentioned i was going again she immediately asked why and seemed suspicious.
 
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I was in a very similar situation last year for about 10 weeks or so. I stuck at it and now we've been going out for a few months :). . . So its obviously possible, but I guess it depends on the girl. Don't wait around unless you know she actually likes you. Basically if she were to be ready for a relationship in the future, would it almost certainly be you?

Just be adults and talk about it. Give her something to think about. . .
 
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People usually want time on their own and usually it's best not to keep speaking or txting or whatever that person. It really grinds on me when people try to get close and not let things flow. I don't get the problems you both mentioned because I just go about with my normal day to day activities without letting anybody close.

but if you don't let any1 close theres chances of leeding a lonly life so catch 22 if your not careful.

Andr3w1984
 
I thought this was like my problem at first but its not, if things are this troubled at the start you really need to talk and then get things sorted, or it will lead to a troubled relationship(be it a one together or just friendship).
Erm, you dont have to keep hammering texts etc all the time, why not try a quick phonecall for a change?(this advice is generally aimed at the 2 of you with the problems)

You really need to bring stuff up, dont be so reliant on texts either, if you offload all your convo with texts ull have nothing when you are together!

Sit down, talk. communication is mature and helpful. do it!
 
Been through this before and it didn't end well, the way I look at it is that if she was sure then you'd already be going out. As it stands shes just umming and aahing about it because shes probably not that into you.
 
Read The Game and then Rules of the Game. Firstly it will give you a clear idea of how to react/behave in this situation and secondly you probably won't want to be with her after anyway!
 
was in a situation like this too.... fully blown bf/gf when seeing each other (even met her mum, went on holiday etc) and then it went pearshaped the same as yours. bit more to mine, but i cant do friends with people i love... so i prefer no contact. since i've done that she's contacted me more but i've just kinda blanked her as it wont go anywhere. need to get my head straight first and then put myself back out there.

told myself 2008 will be single time though as i have other things to concentrate on. :)
 
mmm sounds like your in one of those "tug of war" relationships where the rope is more on her side, she not so interested cos she got no reason to make an effort, back off from her, get lazy, you dont HAVE TO text her when she texts you, you dont have to ask her what she's up to for the day everyday etc. just pre-occupy yourself with other things - if anything make her jealous she's not with you
 
kinda reminds me of my ex. I waited nearly 4 months to actually get into a relationship then ended it 2 months later due to being seriously bored lol. It was actually more fun on the dating phase haha
 
Please see the time. This is what i mean by it effecting my sleep, it's very annoying!

Just been thinking about the present.

It was so nice she almost went into shock when i gave it to her. Yet it was too much that it's left her overwhelmed and given her the need to back away. To not go out with me or pay me much attention for the past two weeks. Yet she still wants to go, but wants to contribute something.

does that not sound ridiculous? Like i'm being used, yeah i'll take your present, ignore you so you don't get the wrong idea, but give you a bit of cash so i don't feel as bad.

or am i being silly?

i am going to try to start getting over her, and ignoring her hoping she comes running back. But it's near impossible to get over someone if your hoping it isn't over.
 
Right i've decided what i'm going to do let me know what u think.

i'm gonna meet her today and basically tell her i'm very unhappy and that we've one of three options. 1-to start going out. 2-to take a complete break for a couple me of weeks. 3-to call it a day and end things. And she's got to decide then, or by the end of the day as i cannot let things carry on the way they are.

I do need to sort things out, and this way at least it'll be done either immediately or within two weeks.
 
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