Sounds like a good idea, you need to know where you stand or this will keep driving you mad.
Relationship rubbish
- Thread starter rossyl
- Start date
Sounds like a good idea, you need to know where you stand or this will keep driving you mad.
Hmm,
The 3 choices are a great idea, but what are you going to feel like if she chooses number 3 because she knows she's not ready for number 1 and number 2 wont give her enough time to get around whatever she has in her head?
A casual thing can be fantastic - especially if you see each other a lot. Be careful about seeming distant from her, she'll take that as you aren't interested and then start to persuade herself that she doesn't like you etc.. They move in mysterious ways..
The 3 choices are a great idea, but what are you going to feel like if she chooses number 3 because she knows she's not ready for number 1 and number 2 wont give her enough time to get around whatever she has in her head?
A casual thing can be fantastic - especially if you see each other a lot. Be careful about seeming distant from her, she'll take that as you aren't interested and then start to persuade herself that she doesn't like you etc.. They move in mysterious ways..
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,850
- Location
- Auckland
Regardless of what she says to the 3 options, I don't really see how that explains her behaviour so far. If she can't be with someone then you shouldn't hang around on the off-chance that she just clicks out of it. From my experience it just doesn't work like that and yes, I've been in a very similar situation to you a long time ago.
I'd say to her that you're not comfortable with how things are and that you feel you should either end things amicably or do things 'properly', i.e. go out, with all the things that entails. There shouldn't be a middle ground unless you're happy for it be a casual dalliance and, I suppose, if you did you wouldn't be posting as you have done.
The worst thing you can do is carry on being unhappy, unsure and worried. Don't do that to yourself.
I'd say to her that you're not comfortable with how things are and that you feel you should either end things amicably or do things 'properly', i.e. go out, with all the things that entails. There shouldn't be a middle ground unless you're happy for it be a casual dalliance and, I suppose, if you did you wouldn't be posting as you have done.
The worst thing you can do is carry on being unhappy, unsure and worried. Don't do that to yourself.
Soldato
- Joined
- 28 Jun 2006
- Posts
- 5,270
- Location
- Newcastle upon Tyne
Having an honest discussion about the situation is a good idea, but limiting the options and giving her such a strict deadline may not be in either party's interest. Having the options in your head is a good thing, as the discussion may lead to that, but it also sounds like you're giving an ultimatum - they never go down well with me personally.
You were only ever dating and she doesn't want a relationship?
My interpretation, you're not the only one she's dating. She should have the good sense to tell you that from the start but *sometimes* women don't think straight!
My interpretation, you're not the only one she's dating. She should have the good sense to tell you that from the start but *sometimes* women don't think straight!
Associate
- Joined
- 9 Sep 2007
- Posts
- 1,873
or she may well have her eye on somone else !
I would just back right off and start showing an interest in other girls if you have got any sort of future she will come to you !
Associate
- Joined
- 9 Sep 2007
- Posts
- 1,873
Your be counting down the days
What ever happens it will be for the best although you might not think so at the time
hope it works out for you !
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Aug 2004
- Posts
- 11,342
shes playing games mate, and your 3 options, make it 2, leaving out number 2, she will only choose that one.
EDIT: HAHA just read up and see she did do. crazy fool you, you gave her the option of what shes been doing all along........, 99% sure you wont get together in 2 weeks time mate, sorry be blunt but its very obvious
EDIT: HAHA just read up and see she did do. crazy fool you, you gave her the option of what shes been doing all along........, 99% sure you wont get together in 2 weeks time mate, sorry be blunt but its very obvious
Sorry Rossyl but i agree with the above, sounds like she was doing that anyway but on a larger scale, now you've just given her what she want's.
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,850
- Location
- Auckland
But also what he wants which is the far more important point.
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Aug 2004
- Posts
- 11,342
[FnG]magnolia;10938405 said:
Obviously he wants be with her, just he thinks giving her space will magically make her fall in his arms, trying to help out a fellow OCUK'er here - she wont, phone her now and end it for good, this will do 1 of 2 things:
1) All of a sudden she'll want you, woman always want what they cant have
2) End it, making life a lot easier for you
Plenty fish in the sea mate, swim around abit dont stay stuck on the rocks
to be honest cases vary though, happened to me with a girl and i kept trying because i really liked her, turned out to be an underlying problem which was quite easy to sort with her and we had a brilliant relationship after that, another girlfriend was the same thinking about it, although she stepped her game up when it another girl was trying to pull me away.
Let him do what he thinks is best, its a leaarning experience
Let him do what he thinks is best, its a leaarning experience
Oh dear, it seems she is calling the shots here, and it is YOU that wants a relationship.
I am guessing, you really like this girl, and maybe haven't had a girlfriend for a while? Really want some companionship, someone to be with, etc. It sounds like you are too full on.
Cut the crap, there is no good time for a relationship to come along, it just happens, you don't plan it. She is tagging you along. The next two weeks will leave you living in hope, then in 2 weeks she still wont of made up her mind. Some here have said it and it's true.... Get out, get away from this bint and have some fun. Tell her you are taking some other girl to this ticket event now, and find one to take.
Make sure she hears about your wild nights out, having fun, etc. Make it like you have moved on. Woman thoughts then kick in; "Why has he gone off ME!?" "Has he got someone else, someone better?!" and most importantly "What's wrong with ME!!?!?!" she will then all of a sudden try and see you, or talk to you, put her off a bit, tell her you can't see her on XX date as you are busy, but might be able to see her on XX date. Act civil, but don't let on you want to get in her knickers.
Being aloof goes a long way. Girls like mystery.
Don't continue wrecking your head, or you will loose all confidence in yourself when you get out there agin, and confidence is more attractive than anything.
May the force be with you.
I am guessing, you really like this girl, and maybe haven't had a girlfriend for a while? Really want some companionship, someone to be with, etc. It sounds like you are too full on.
Cut the crap, there is no good time for a relationship to come along, it just happens, you don't plan it. She is tagging you along. The next two weeks will leave you living in hope, then in 2 weeks she still wont of made up her mind. Some here have said it and it's true.... Get out, get away from this bint and have some fun. Tell her you are taking some other girl to this ticket event now, and find one to take.
Make sure she hears about your wild nights out, having fun, etc. Make it like you have moved on. Woman thoughts then kick in; "Why has he gone off ME!?" "Has he got someone else, someone better?!" and most importantly "What's wrong with ME!!?!?!" she will then all of a sudden try and see you, or talk to you, put her off a bit, tell her you can't see her on XX date as you are busy, but might be able to see her on XX date. Act civil, but don't let on you want to get in her knickers.
Being aloof goes a long way. Girls like mystery.
Don't continue wrecking your head, or you will loose all confidence in yourself when you get out there agin, and confidence is more attractive than anything.
May the force be with you.
Cheers guys for the response.
For the record i told her we were on a two week break she said ok, and asked how i came to the decision. I said i was unhappy and it was either end it right now or give it two weeks.
I know i'll be living in hope for 2weeks. But i will be playing the jealousy game, which is dangerous and i won't lay it on too thick.
The two weeks will also give me time to decide if i actually want to be with this girl, and will give me time and an opportunity to meet other girls.
Whatever happens at the end of two weeks it'll either be on or off, and that's it.
In the meantime she'll only hear how much fun i'm having.
For the record i told her we were on a two week break she said ok, and asked how i came to the decision. I said i was unhappy and it was either end it right now or give it two weeks.
I know i'll be living in hope for 2weeks. But i will be playing the jealousy game, which is dangerous and i won't lay it on too thick.
The two weeks will also give me time to decide if i actually want to be with this girl, and will give me time and an opportunity to meet other girls.
Whatever happens at the end of two weeks it'll either be on or off, and that's it.
In the meantime she'll only hear how much fun i'm having.
A simple and easy way to look at it is:
If you're not happy being involved in something like this, end it.
As you say; it wasn't a true relationship, or atleast she says that, so take it as an experience and move on to better things.
If you're not happy being involved in something like this, end it.
As you say; it wasn't a true relationship, or atleast she says that, so take it as an experience and move on to better things.