Saturdays Joke

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

Soldato
Joined
13 Dec 2006
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On the forest moon Endor
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say,
"You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"

So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in... Dey make you wild at sex."

The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the shopkeeper, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

"The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting cept try dem on."
So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon,you got dem on da wrong feet!"...
 
The Pig with the Wooden Leg

There was a tourist on a farm and he asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.

The farmer said, ''That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw.''

''So why does he have a wooden leg?'' the tourist asked.

''Well one night our house caught on fire. And he came into our house and he woke us all up.''

''So,'' the tourist asked again, ''why does that pig have a wooden leg?''

''Well, a pig that brave you can't eat all at once!''
 
Heard this 4-5 years ago except in a different format, basically a man walked in a shoe shop.. bla bla, the rest is in the original
 
Not sure if this has been posted already but it's one of the best jokes I've heard...




Three men who just robbed a local tesco's were being chased on foot by the police. They'd been running for miles but couldn't find anywhere to hide. Luckily they spotted a huge warehouse with the sign "Danger Hazardous Materials". They broke in to find it empty except for three empty sacks.

They could hear the police closing in so they quickly jumped into separate sacks. The police arrived at the warehouse noting the danger sign. They entered to find three sacks. Hesitant to open the sacks one of them took a stick and poked the first sack:

1st prisoner: "Meow"
Policeman: Must be a stupid cat.

He poked the second..

2nd Prisoner: Woof Woof!
Policeman: Damn, must be a silly dog.

Finally he poked the third:

3rd Prisoner: ......................................Potatoes!
 
xnsv you told it wrong, that's an englishman, scotsman and irishman joke, without giving it a context you generate a massive fail, also why are they in a warehouse? shouldn't it be a barn or something like the proper joke where you might find animals and potatoes, oh noes the potatoes is hazardous! Oh and:

Viper² is on firrrreeee! :D
 
What was Gary Glitter's favourite starter when he was living in Vietnam?
Soup - The Cream of Sumyungai.
 
Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.' Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'
 
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