Scared of the future

Neil79

Neil79

Neil79

Caporegime
Joined
8 Sep 2006
Posts
39,389
Location
On Ocuk
If dealing with my own issues wasn't bad enough, life has taken a turn for the worst today. I noticed these last few days my mum was looking very tired and low in herself, she wasn't talking much and I know something was wrong. Today she looked like a zombie, like something serious had happened, she wouldn't tell me at first but then she said.

"They found two lumps and I have abnormal blood, going in for emergency appointment this week, also awaiting smear results " " Nurse said they were big but doctor said they were not " " It could be cancer but I'm hoping it's not, and then she broke down I don't want to die, I know I've lost weight, been tired, not been myself "

I'm not sure what to do, if it is cancer and I lose my mum, I'll be dead soon after, harsh I know but what you see on the forum is not what happens in life with me. I have no-one else and negativity here will make no difference.

I'm scared :(
 
I know it's hard to deal with but :

a) Don't worry until you have a confirmed diagnosis. women can get fatty deposits that appear as lumps and are nothing to worry about. The blood could be something else. You just don't know yet. My wife's mum and a colleague at work have both had scares in the last year with lumps.

b) Cancer treatment is getting better and better. Cancer doesn't mean certain death any more, treatment/cure rates are very high even if the treatment can be rough at times.

c) You won't be dead soon after, because no matter what happens to your mum you know she wouldn't want that mate. Not sure if you have kids yourself but our children are an extension of ourselves. She will want you to carry on and live an amazing life in her memory, because as long as you do that and carry her in your heart, she's not gone or forgotten :)


it's going to be very scary for everyone, and even if it does turn out to be nothing, enjoy what time you have left together. We could all die tomorrow so enjoy every single moment, take that trip you've always wanted to do etc :)

We're all here for you and if you want to chat offline message my trust account and i'll email you back and we can chat online in private :)

You need to make her aware that worrying about COULD is pointless, there COULD be a zombie apocalypse tomorrow but we're not upset about that. Tell her you love her and no matter what happens, you always will. Tell her that you're going to be there for her and reassure her, you have to be her rock no matter how hard it gets :)
 
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Thankyou everyone, AHarvey especially.

The worry was in 1998 she had pre-cancerus cells but no lumps and the last two blood tests she had abnormal blood but as she is the sort of person not to chase it up she just left it. It was her 5 year scan that this showed up.
 
when you say "no one else"
You mean you literally have zero friends? you could die tomorrow and you wouldn't be missed for weeks? can go for days or weeks without verbal communication with another human being?

or do you mean as in family?
 
AHarvey said:
I know it's hard to deal with but :



c) You won't be dead soon after, because no matter what happens to your mum you know she wouldn't want that mate. Not sure if you have kids yourself but our children are an extension of ourselves. She will want you to carry on and live an amazing life in her memory, because as long as you do that and carry her in your heart, she's not gone or forgotten :)
it's going to be very scary for everyone, and even if it does turn out to be nothing, enjoy what time you have left together. We could all die tomorrow so enjoy every single moment, take that trip you've always wanted to do etc :)
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That made feel sick to my stomach :(
 
arknor said:
when you say "no one else"
You mean you literally have zero friends? you could die tomorrow and you wouldn't be missed for weeks? can go for days or weeks without verbal communication with another human being?

or do you mean as in family?
Click to expand...

No friends away from comp, no children, dad who I don't get on with and two sisters and a brother. The problem is I don't cope as it is as I'm already on two lots of medication to calm me down. On edge so to speak
 
Sorry to hear that, Neil. There are two aspects to this really:

  1. It's undoubtedly a very anxious time for both you and your mum, so you just have to be strong and support her. Easier said than done, but nothing is more pointless than worrying about an uncertain result because if everything turns out for the best than it was all a complete waste of time. Best of luck to your mum and I hope it ends up as well as it can!
  2. You seriously need to start living your own life. It sounds like you are wasting your time.
 
Sounds like you're dwelling on things too much and it's restricting you from doing what you want to do. No dream career goals, hobbies outside computing or clubs you could join that would help you progress socially?

I remember seeing this section on Joe Rogan's podcast and it changed the way I thought about my parents dying and my own dreams. Can't link it directly as it has swearies but search for - Joe Rogan talks to Kevin Smith about death and "chasing whimsies"
 
Neil79 said:
No friends away from comp, no children, dad who I don't get on with and two sisters and a brother. The problem is I don't cope as it is as I'm already on two lots of medication to calm me down. On edge so to speak
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I'm in a very similar situation to you then but my problem is mental and there is no medication for it.

I doubt anyone on here would believe hoe sad and pathetic my life is even if I told them but I can't say I really feel depressed or suicidal.

You just have to try and keep your self busy, force your self to take up an outdoor hobby if you are almost trapped indoors all day long.

anyway hopefully it won't turn out to be anything serious with your mum, I just wanted you to know there are other people out there with really ****** up lives too :)
 
Sorry to hear this mate but you have to concentrate on the positives. I have known lots of people who have had Cancer & the percentage of those that end up dying is smaller & smaller every year.
I wish you & your Mum all the luck in the World. :)


Feel free to add me for some in depth support or just to chat **** when you need to.
 
arknor said:
I'm in a very similar situation to you then but my problem is mental and there is no medication for it.

I doubt anyone on here would believe hoe sad and pathetic my life is even if I told them but I can't say I really feel depressed or suicidal.

You just have to try and keep your self busy, force your self to take up an outdoor hobby if you are almost trapped indoors all day long.

anyway hopefully it won't turn out to be anything serious with your mum, I just wanted you to know there are other people out there with really ****** up lives too :)
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Medication deals with depression and heightened aggression, not Autism and OCD

Yes I know and thanks! If only cancer was as bad as the common cold, then my grandad would still be alive today
 
yea if you have autism then you're pretty much doomed to have no social life and isolate your self away from people unfortunately.

most people on here will not understand and tell you to push your self, you have to get out more, unfortunately it doesn't work like that and you can try all you like but you will never feel like you fit in and belong.

Is there nowhere you can get help at all? ever looked into local groups for autistic adults?
Near me there's a group that meet in a pub every few weeks but I've never felt like going as I'd probably sit their silent overcome with anxiety and feel like dying inside...
 
arknor said:
Is there nowhere you can get help at all? ever looked into local groups for autistic adults?
Near me there's a group that meet in a pub every few weeks but I've never felt like going as I'd probably sit their silent overcome with anxiety and feel like dying inside...
Click to expand...

Three month waiting list unfortunately, but I'm waiting atleast
 
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