Ok, here are the rules:
1) The story must be absolutely true.
2) No friend of friend/ 3rd hand stories please.
I will go first.
About 10 years ago i had been shopping with the girlfriend (now wife) and on the bus on the way home i got that horrible stomach wrenching pain that indicates that a number 2 needs to be produced within 2 - 3 minutes or you will literally soil yourself.
Luckily enough we were almost at our stop and knew a short cut so i belted the stop button, the drivers stopped and i dragged the girlfriend off the bus as fast i could.
It was about a half mile walk home and anyone who has ever been busting for a crap knows that half a mile seems like the lands end to John o'groats walk.
We got to my house in ultra quick time, i ran upstairs in penguin fashion with my trousers, barged into the door and IT WAS LOCKED, my dad was only in there and he informed me with too much glee that he had just got settled on there and was there for the long haul.
I stood on the landing doing the bouncing from foot to foot dance, and pacing up and down, whilst screaming to my dad that i REALLLLLY need to go to the toilet.
At this point i made the executive decision that i had to find an alternative recepticle for the turd so i ran downstairs past the GF and straight out into the Garage, looking around desperately i saw a large Black bucket.
Needless to say i sat the bucket next to the wall, squatted over it leaning against the wall and let rip the largest amount of diarrhea known to mankind, at this point i heard the toilet flush so i squeezed the last few dregs out, whipped off my sock and wipped the rear with it.
I popped the sock in the bottom of the bucket along with my excrement, opened the back door of the garage and placed the bucket outside thinking i would swill it out later.
I didnt swill it out later, in fact i forgot all about it for about 2 weeks when one day me and the GF were "playing" in my bedroom and i heard my dad shouting me, i got up and looked out of the bedroom window and saw my dad stood there with the same bucket in his hand.
He shouted up to me "do you have any idea why that buckets there and whats in it", my reply was obviously NO...and that my brother had probably left it there.
At the very same moment he plunged his arm into the bucket which had a couple of extra inches of rain water added into it and started swilling his hand through the vile concoction....he then proceeded to remove his arm from the bucket and raise his finger to his nose and take an almighty whiff of it, at this point i nearly fell through the window and the GF was laughing so hard that she almost stopped breathing.
I still havent told him what it was and i do feel kinda guilty but he deserved it for not letting me take a dump when i needed one lol.
I know some may not find this story funny, but it is totally true and i hope it might brighten up someones afternoon
1) The story must be absolutely true.
2) No friend of friend/ 3rd hand stories please.
I will go first.
About 10 years ago i had been shopping with the girlfriend (now wife) and on the bus on the way home i got that horrible stomach wrenching pain that indicates that a number 2 needs to be produced within 2 - 3 minutes or you will literally soil yourself.
Luckily enough we were almost at our stop and knew a short cut so i belted the stop button, the drivers stopped and i dragged the girlfriend off the bus as fast i could.
It was about a half mile walk home and anyone who has ever been busting for a crap knows that half a mile seems like the lands end to John o'groats walk.
We got to my house in ultra quick time, i ran upstairs in penguin fashion with my trousers, barged into the door and IT WAS LOCKED, my dad was only in there and he informed me with too much glee that he had just got settled on there and was there for the long haul.
I stood on the landing doing the bouncing from foot to foot dance, and pacing up and down, whilst screaming to my dad that i REALLLLLY need to go to the toilet.
At this point i made the executive decision that i had to find an alternative recepticle for the turd so i ran downstairs past the GF and straight out into the Garage, looking around desperately i saw a large Black bucket.
Needless to say i sat the bucket next to the wall, squatted over it leaning against the wall and let rip the largest amount of diarrhea known to mankind, at this point i heard the toilet flush so i squeezed the last few dregs out, whipped off my sock and wipped the rear with it.
I popped the sock in the bottom of the bucket along with my excrement, opened the back door of the garage and placed the bucket outside thinking i would swill it out later.
I didnt swill it out later, in fact i forgot all about it for about 2 weeks when one day me and the GF were "playing" in my bedroom and i heard my dad shouting me, i got up and looked out of the bedroom window and saw my dad stood there with the same bucket in his hand.
He shouted up to me "do you have any idea why that buckets there and whats in it", my reply was obviously NO...and that my brother had probably left it there.
At the very same moment he plunged his arm into the bucket which had a couple of extra inches of rain water added into it and started swilling his hand through the vile concoction....he then proceeded to remove his arm from the bucket and raise his finger to his nose and take an almighty whiff of it, at this point i nearly fell through the window and the GF was laughing so hard that she almost stopped breathing.
I still havent told him what it was and i do feel kinda guilty but he deserved it for not letting me take a dump when i needed one lol.
I know some may not find this story funny, but it is totally true and i hope it might brighten up someones afternoon
Caught him a bit off-guard when he went to use it.
