Silly Clients

Another one we had where I did very well not to laugh down the phone was....

A client asked me to get a remote connection to their laptop to pair their mobile phone up with their laptop via bluetooth. When the list of bluetooth devices in range showed up there was one called "Fat Veiny Erection"!!!!!! HAHAHHAA!

I was absolutely dying with laughter inside when I had to calmly ask which phone was theirs.

She was so embarrassed lol
 
I was answering the phones for a couple of months a good few years back as part of a team of 8 or so handling all electrical customer support for a well-loved department store. Because they weren't exactly short of cash we all had wireless DECT headsets so we could walk around while on the phone because it's nicer than being stuck at a desk.

There were no strict rules about having to be available so we could take short breaks when we felt like it as long as we didn't extract the urine too badly, so because of this one of the softkeys on the phones took us out the queue. Anyway, I took myself out the queue and wandered off upstairs to drop the kids off and left the headset on because they took a while to get comfortable. You can probably see where this is going.

The clean-up mission was starting and I heard a beep in my ear - yup, a call had come in and been assigned to me. One of my colleagues thought it was hilarious to put me back into the rotation while I was otherwise occupied. Fighting back the laughter and trying really hard not to give away my current location or activity and putting the echo down to a bad line, I managed the first and only bit of multi-tasking in my life and kept the call going with small talk until I could get back to the office to get the customer details up on my PC, dealing a hefty punch to the arm of a grinning colleague on the way past.
 
Caged said:
I was answering the phones for a couple of months a good few years back as part of a team of 8 or so handling all electrical customer support for a well-loved department store. Because they weren't exactly short of cash we all had wireless DECT headsets so we could walk around while on the phone because it's nicer than being stuck at a desk.

There were no strict rules about having to be available so we could take short breaks when we felt like it as long as we didn't extract the urine too badly, so because of this one of the softkeys on the phones took us out the queue. Anyway, I took myself out the queue and wandered off upstairs to drop the kids off and left the headset on because they took a while to get comfortable. You can probably see where this is going.

The clean-up mission was starting and I heard a beep in my ear - yup, a call had come in and been assigned to me. One of my colleagues thought it was hilarious to put me back into the rotation while I was otherwise occupied. Fighting back the laughter and trying really hard not to give away my current location or activity and putting the echo down to a bad line, I managed the first and only bit of multi-tasking in my life and kept the call going with small talk until I could get back to the office to get the customer details up on my PC, dealing a hefty punch to the arm of a grinning colleague on the way past.
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Did you wash your hands?
 
agnes said:
My current manager also can't wrap her head around that stats are good when they are low...

She is always wanting high call closure rate and lots of calls closed...
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Possibly because with a low closure rate due to a low number of incidents she will come under pressure to reduce headcount as she can't justify a team of people with little to do.
 
A couple more lately....

Client called in saying that she had a virus on her machine which popped up saying that she has to pay £400 to get her machine sorted. She paid the £400 and then called us asking us to speak to Microsoft (who the people on the other end of the phone claimed to be) to make sure she will be ok now. :/


Another user... her mouse appeared to be moving on it's own. She swapped her monitor out and said it had stopped it so she threw the other monitor away!

*facepalm*
 
must have our users are idiots but there is one elderly lady who has become the running joke in the office. We use VNC a lot to remote into peoples PCs and normally when she phones up the call always starts like this:

"Hi it's X here, I've got a problem, can you come in my back door and take a look"

We all dread getting calls from her because we have to put her on hold for so long due to the uncontrollable laughter this statement causes that she ends up hanging up and complaining to the department manager.
 
I have some experience with idiot clients.

We have this one client that is worst in the world to deal with. When the top partners have a problem they tend to skip the front line support and go straight to the top of our organisation and make a big deal out of small things.

I have had the same guy call up when a few years ago at this one site a number of times saying his computer is not working and all i had to do was turn it on.
 
^^ Most places have VIP support, or handholders for those board members or execs. To them it is a big deal, but for others they get a 3 day SLA etc. I suppose 3 days for a board member to get something fixed could well be a nightmare. They let you know about it though like petulant children.
 
Just had someone who couldn't open an excel spreadsheet.

After looking she had changed all the NTFS permissions to deny for everyone apart from her including..... SYSTEM lol
 
Caged said:
Lawyers aren't really stupid or lacking in common sense, they just have an absolutely hugely inflated sense of entitlement. They are the sorts of clients who will expect 100% reliability and access to all the new technologies and apps they've read about in their newspaper of choice whilst refusing to invest in infrastructure or move away from a 4 year old BlackBerry.
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No he's right, they really don't have any common sense at all.
 
I send out encrypted cd's to Solicitors and Clinicians and for very clever people in their own areas they can be dumb.
At least 20 times I've had them ringing me up saying when they put the password into the box all they see is stars :D
I also send out detailed colourful screen grabbed arrow pointing instructions on how to unencrpt the disk but it might as well be in Mandarin for some because they have no patience - they are warned several times that the unencryption can take a long time

I'm also an Admin on DATIX and the amount of people that don't know what their user Login is:
Did you Login to your computer this morning?
Yes
What was the name you put in the top box?
I don't know
......... and so on.
 
"I can't turn the projector on. Can you come and have a look?

I go over, switch it on. Works.
"What did you do?"

"Umm, I just switched it on..."

"Oh... How come it worked for you?"

"I just pressed the button that says on, on the controller..."

"Ohhh, I was pressing the other button (the one that turns it off)"

*Face palm*
 
Guru said:
It was meant in jest. I don't actually think they are retards you retard :p

Please can a passing mod rename it to something the PC brigade won't jump on?

I couldn't care less what the title is so surprise me...
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joeyjojo said:
Not really OK to call them "retards".
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Please can a passing mod change the title of the thread to "Silly Clients" instead of "Retard Clients" so people don't get their knickers in a twist about the title?

I've already said it was meant in jest.

Sick of it.

Thanks,

G
 
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