Single again

dal

dal

dal

Associate
Joined
10 Sep 2005
Posts
909
Location
Lincolnshire
Hello all,

I broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago - I was the one who " called it a day " , at first I felt relieved and a bit excited at the prospect of being single but now two days in Im feeling depressed & anxious.
I'm starting to think I might have made a terrible mistake ending it, Im not sure if I really miss her or just being with someone. We have allways had a rocky relationship I think we probably split up about 7 times in the last 2 years, allthough many times before we have got back in lass than a day. I might end up back with her, Im not sure - the cycle just keeps seeming to repeat itself - break up, feel good to start with then go into depression - get back with her and feel good again.

One of the key factors in all of this is I had a 13 year relationship which ended - I lost out big time finacially ( kids involved as well :() , then after seperating I started this relationship only 5 weeks after, way too soon I know but I went from being lonely and depressed to happy overnight.
Thinking back on it I should have played the field a bit ( allthough it's not my style really ), I often have wondered if this relationship would have been normal had I have met a few women prior to this one : In other words maybe she was the one & I just didnt know it, who knows.
I'm 41, I've got no friends locally, I dont feel very confident at the moment, it feels very strange and by the end of this weekend Im sure Im going to feel very lonely.
 
Get yourself into a club or hobby group or whatever theyre called!

What hobbies have you got, are you into sport?

Fancy a martial art?

It'll keep you occupied and help you make new friends or even something a bit more :)
 
Megahurtz400 said:
Fancy a martial art?

It'll keep you occupied and help you make new friends or even something a bit more :)
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You do realise that all the rolling about on the floor isn't... sexual? :D

Sounds like you weren't ment for each other, better now than if you got married/had kids. It isn't easy but get yourself back out there! Hook up with some friends, maybe people you haven't had much time for lately.
 
The transition from being in a relationship into happily single can be hard. Whist it may not particularly be the girl you miss it's the couple things you do like eating out with someone, cinema, chilling together. It probably takes a couple of months of a loneliness feeling but once it's gone you really start reaping the benefits of being single, and there are a lot of benefits.
 
[TW]Fox;17446975 said:
42 years old and still going through the 'dump' 'get back together' cycle? :eek:
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Don't happen often but I actually agree with Fox (:eek:) its fairly strange situation to be in at that age.
 
Nanoman said:
It's not though really.
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A few of my mates in their late 30s still haven't managed to keep anything together, but then they've managed to pull absolute psychos in the past. I don't think it's that unusual really. Women are nuts no matter what age they are.

I certainly won't be panicking if I hit that age and I'm not tied down. More time for me to travel and do other fun stuff :) It's this whole load of tosh again where so many people assume that you *need* to be in a relationship to be happy or "normal".
 
My advice is get on with life, try something new, join a club. Might I suggest martial arts, good way to meet new people, build confidence and keep fit, I do kung fu myself.

Just generally keep busy, and I know I'm bit younger than you, but, always remember you're never too old to meet someone new.
 
Wow 41 and single huh. I think you should try socialise more. Try to not think, what others might think of you. Just be who you are and if they can't take you for it, then they're not worth the time. Women on the other hand, just see how it goes, try play the field again.

Keep fit, look after your health, you shouldn't put yourself down because of others. Good luck. :)
 
A2Z said:
Well....what is the reason for the break up?
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I was supposed to be moving in with her end of the month but got cold feet - it's not the first time Ive backed out of moving in with her as well, also she lives in Bradford & I hate the place - she hates the place as well, the plan was to live together for a while, do her house up sell it & then buy a place together, somewhere else - further down south.
 
broke up with my now ex just over 2 weeks ago, she moved out and went back to her home town last weekend. that whole week of still living together i think helped grieve the break up a bit, but now she's gone i feel lonely and unhappy.

to the op, just give it time, if it hasn't worked and you've broken up loads of times before, just find something to keep yourself busy and take your mind off the relationship, go out, meet new people, take up something of interest as mentioned. before you know it, you'll be confident again, and ready to start hunting for some fresh pasty :)
 
shifty_uk said:
Breaking up once, never mind 7 times in 2 years should be a clear enough sign that things aren't working.
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Do it once to see how it goes, do it again you know it blows.

Don't ever keep going back, it drains you for everything and you are better off looking for new 'fluff'.

chin up and march on till you get to the next one that makes you feel good!
 
dal said:
I was supposed to be moving in with her end of the month but got cold feet - it's not the first time Ive backed out of moving in with her as well, also she lives in Bradford & I hate the place - she hates the place as well, the plan was to live together for a while, do her house up sell it & then buy a place together, somewhere else - further down south.
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So you broke up because you didn't want to move?
 
[TW]Fox;17446975 said:
42 years old and still going through the 'dump' 'get back together' cycle? :eek:
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Gornall said:
Don't happen often but I actually agree with Fox (:eek:) its fairly strange situation to be in at that age.
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You kids have a lot to learn. I'm 37 and still struggling to figure it out. I'm out of a 17 year relationship. **** happens. You end up back on the market meeting god knows who until you meet someone special. It doesn't change from 20 to 40 to 60.
 
Being single is amazing for me. I've done more, been to more places, kept up with friends better and played the field a bit. Yes there are lonely times but its just a case of keeping yourself occupied, even its just catching up with reading.

Don't pine for your old relationship. Get out there and do the things you've always wanted to. Oh yeah and read 'yes man' and adopt the philosophy. :)
 
Ed said:
You kids have a lot to learn. I'm 37 and still struggling to figure it out. I'm out of a 17 year relationship. **** happens. You end up back on the market meeting god knows who until you meet someone special. It doesn't change from 20 to 40 to 60.
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There's no-one special, there's just people. Sometimes you have a good run, sometimes you don't. That's life. I'd say the 'game' does slightly change after 21 in that things suddenly get a bit more serious and women's clocks start ticking. At that point, you seem to have 10 years to get yourself sorted and start a family or risk the issues of difficult conception/birth defects, etc. Likewise, women tend to finally start growing up a little bit in their mid-twenties. But the objective truth is this: the older you get, the harder it is to find a partner and less people are available in your same age-group. Most people tend to be in a long-term relationship in one form or another, at least that's my experience thus far.
 
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